Jarryd

Jarryd, age 3

Loveland, OH (1983)

When I came across this photo in a family album, the first thing that comes to mind is: Oh, the 80's! A mohair patterned sofa AND wood paneling? Obviously a truly dark time for interior design.

With that said, it's time the world knows that I would have kept that handbag if I'd known how truly fierce I looked. And the storage inside? Amazing. I mean, that bag carried all of my necessities: sunglasses, Chapstick, breath mints, and of course My Little Pony (I only wish I was exaggerating).

I got the idea for carrying the handbag around and wearing those shades from watching soap operas while home with my mother. What can I say? Those ladies had style to die for. I also feel inclined to share this: you can't really see in the photo, but I totally had my nails painted pearlized pink. I can thank my grandmother for that one. I wanted them done and she did them.

My two favorite films growing up were "Hocus Pocus" (I saw it 12 times in the theater) and "Sleeping Beauty." My mom had to buy two copies of that, just so she could rewind one, while the other one played. God help you if it wasn't ready!!! As for Maleficent? True love.

You hear the same story time after time: "Growing up I always knew." As a kid, it wasn't just me that knew. EVERYONE knew I was different.

However, I was lucky enough to have a family that supported me right from the start, and never once tried to hold me back. When I finally 'came out' at 17, they had prepared themselves far in advance for that inevitable conversation.

It was still one of the hardest things I've EVER had to say to someone.
But each time you say it, you get a little wiser, and a little stronger. 

Go Forth! Come Out — it's one of the best things you can do for yourself.

Jarryd's first, famous-person same sex crush:

"Marky Mark" Wahlberg
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Spencer

Spencer, age 6

Holdrege, NE (1985)

So, I LOVED to play with Barbies and She-Ra, thanks to my little sis! I had two older brothers that didn’t want to have anything to do with me - other than beat me up - so they let me do whatever.


I had inklings about being "different" probably around the age I am in this photo.

But, in small town Nebraska, you just keep your mouth shut.

That said, when I did come out at 21, my family, friends, and colleagues were all very supportive.

In fact, both my parents and brothers didn't believe me, at first about things like that.

This picture helped "refresh" their memories - haha!

And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that you have this blog!

Spencer's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Ricky Martin

Estoy enamorado de Ricky

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Chad

Chad, age 6

San Diego, California (1972)

Childhood was not a happy time, and it's shown in my face here. I was raised by a fundamentalist Christian preacher and his wife, in a home filled with abuse, where every emotion and desire was suppressed and beaten down.

I was constantly bombarded with messages that gays and homosexuals were the blight of the Earth, and who were faulted for every problem and natural disaster.

I was shown mocking images of flamboyant gay men in drag and butch lesbians riding motorcycles, as clear evidence that men and women had turned from their natural affections.

I didn't really have indications that I was different, because I had no reference points for comparison.


But, I do recall being very young, and being very intrigued by the male nudes at the museum.

In high school, I met another boy with a similar upbringing and we became close. As we started sharing our deepest thoughts and intimate secrets, we revealed that we both enjoyed this forbidden pleasure. Of course, I never mentioned it to my parents. According to them, ALL sex was bad, and even remotely sexual thoughts would send a person straight to hell.

Even then, I didn't realize those desires as gay. To me, homosexuals were the flamboyant (and ridiculed) queens in the Pride Parades, wearing shorts and leather hats. Yet secretly, I thought they were the hottest men I had ever seen!

It wasn’t until I left home that I came to terms with who I was.

Once I got out of that bubble, I learned that gay men could share a life together, and there were places I would be accepted as I am. I also learned that love did not have to come with physical pain.

I also learned that my parents were not a positive influence in my life.
They continued to abuse me with their guilt, disappointment, and shame long after I became an adult.

Thus, I learned that I didn't have to keep my parents in my life, and we haven't spoken in years. I'm a much happier person for eliminating that negativity.

More importantly, I learned that my feelings were not a cause for shame, but rather a reason to celebrate. And, that I was allowed to actually have fun and do things that felt good and enjoyable.

The young boy in this pic was introverted, shy, withdrawn, abused, and hurting. The adult man that this child became is intensely happy, full of life and love and cannot wait for each new day!

So I know that it really does get better, and being gay is not just a phase.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Ashley

Ashley, age 4
Royal Oak, MI (1991)

I remember thinking how beautiful my next door neighbor Jenni was. While I liked playing with her older brothers better, I loved being near her. And as you can see, even as a child, I was initiating make-outs with girls. ;-)

When I was 7, my next door neighbor Charlie and I ripped all of the heads off of my Ken dolls. And filled them with ketchup.

We put them in the street so cars would run over them, as if they decapitated Ken.

Maybe lesbians really do hate men? 'Cuz Ken had everything I wanted:
Sports cars, fly clothes, a beautiful woman, and no penis under his shorts!

So I killed him. Over and over again. 

Looking back, of course there are moments when I could say "Duh, lesbian".
Like when I made out with Jenni, or when I was jealous of Ken. Or when I broke a neighborhood boy's nose, because his sister said he liked me.

But I just didn't have the words to explain the feelings. I also didn't have reasons to think it was different from any of the other young girls. I didn't ever consider the fact that other little girls didn't find women attractive, or men threatening.

Glen

Glen, age 11

El Paso, TX (1981)

I remember as a kid that I was different from other boys. But I did not know what the word "gay" meant. Once I turned 13, I understood why I felt the way I did, as far back as age 5. It was a challenging time to come out, and the news of a "gay disease" was at its peak.

My parents would not understand at all, stating:
"They should take all the gays and people who are infected with HIV and drop them on a secluded island."

That was devastating to me.

I left home at a young age, joined the military, got married, and had kids. But it didn't work; I knew I was different.

I "came out" at 26 to a still very non-supporting family. My parents did not stand by me and disowned me.

I realized that if they didn't accept me, I had to be happy and be myself. And I'm okay with that, because I found myself. I love expressing myself through music, and know that I was born this way.

Thanks for creating such a wonderful blog.
I hope it inspires many to be true to themselves.

Lori

Lori, age 9

Alexandria, Virginia (1976)

"Trick or treat"

I remember wanting to wear my brother's suits very badly when I was young.

Here, I creatively did this Mr. Bicentennial costume so that I could dress in a boy's suit for Halloween. I really felt like I was getting away with something.

I knew that I was different early in life. But it took until I was 23 to put those feeling into words, first to myself and then to let others know. I look at this picture now, and just laugh knowing exactly why my mother said "Yeah, I know" when I finally came out to her.

Even though she did know, she was still forever hoping that it would be a phase.
It took until my partner and I had children before she truly accepted my sexuality in a way that felt real.

I did not have many bad experiences with family or friends once I finally came out. Prior to coming out, I would often be around friends or family that made demeaning remarks about gay people. And it always made me feel bad.

Once I came out, I think it helped some of those individuals open their eyes to the fact that gay people are everywhere. And that we are not something to fear.

The message I would like to give gay kids now is:

No matter how difficult your situation is in your family, in your town, or in your school there are people to connect with that will help you through this. The most important step that you need to take is to let the words out to someone you trust.

Holding in those words about your truth is often what hurts the most.

Lori's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Kristy McNichol

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Chuck

Chuck, age 3

Portage, IN (1981)

I always preferred to play with the girls in the neighborhood. And had crushes on the boys in the neighborhood, unbeknownst to them.

When my family had gatherings at major holidays, I always wanted to sit in the kitchen with the women, instead of out in the living room watching football with the guys.

My favorite Care Bear was "Cheer Bear" - the pink one with the rainbow on its belly.

I wanted to be (and was!) Wonder Woman for Halloween one year.

I didn't realize it then, but I think about it all now and can't help but laugh.

I also say to myself:
Anybody who thinks I wasn’t born this way, clearly hasn’t done their homework. ;)

Chuck's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Danny Pintauro (Jonathan on "Who's The Boss")

Even then I had good gaydar!

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Kevin

Kevin, age 4

Akron, Ohio (1959)

Here, my older sisters dressed me up in their clothes, put me up front, and my dad took this picture. Looking back, a couple of things strike me about it. First, sisters are probably always wanting to dress up something or someone, like dolls or brothers, but most 3-year-old boys wouldn't allow it. Second, I struck a pose that gives it all away. I'm thankful my dad found the camera and actually took the picture, without protesting or objecting.

And notice my sisters weren't dressed nearly as pretty as I was!


I first knew I was "different" at 3-years old. I have a vivid memory of being in the back of my dad's '55 Buick station wagon, and seeing a really old man sitting on the ground in front of a building in downtown Akron, Ohio.

For some reason, I knew he had something I lacked, and I wanted it from him before he died. Turns out, that something I was missing was heterosexuality. That's a big word for a small kid, and I'm not saying that I knew exactly what was going on at that moment. But I do know that I felt different than my dad, brothers, or other men in general.

It was a sad moment for me, but it was the beginning of my knowing and understanding myself. I always knew down deep that I was different or gay, but I finally came out to myself and others at age 25.

And now, my life is good. I have a partner of 7 years, and 2 sons I adopted as infants, who are now 12 and 10 years old. I am out at work and everywhere I go. I don't believe in the closet - it's too stressful.

If others don't like me because I am gay, that's their problem. I already went through the self-acceptance process long ago -- starting with this picture of me in a dress!!!

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Don Grady (Robbie on "My Three Sons")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Jack

Jack, age 12

Pauls Valley, Oklahoma (1987)

This photo is more about my mom than about me. As you can see, I was an aspiring decorator in my mother's classroom at age 12. I loved any holiday, and we had decorations for all of them, but Christmas took the cake.

As a teacher's kid, hanging out at the school after hours, but before everyone went home, was a magic time.

Only other teachers' kids would truly understand the power of feeling like you OWNED the building.

I have such a clear memory of the day this picture was taken.

I BEGGED my mom to let me decorate her room for the holiday, and of course, she let me. Why I chose to wrap myself up in all this  tinsel like the love child of Lady Gaga and Jayne Mansfield, I don't know.

I remember performing a little dance around the room to some bad 80's music, for all of the other teachers' kids. Getting other people to laugh was a constant coping mechanism for me, and I remember consciously thinking to myself:
"They can't hit you if they're laughing - even if it's AT you."

My mom came in the room to witness the scene, thought it was hilarious as always, grabbed her camera, and took a picture. She always pushed me to try new things, but never deterred me from being myself, which may have included a (very, very short) stint as a local fashion model at age 13.

Now as a happy gay man in my early 30's I can't tell you how lucky I was to have a mom that just loved me, for all I brought to the table. Even in Oklahoma.

As much as middle or high school can totally suck, the message I can leave with those reading this small snippet of my life is:

Love yourself in the now, and for all that you bring to the table.

A testament to that is I can now OWN this picture, and love me for who I have always been. Though I am a bit ashamed of the ugly cable knit sweater...
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Ronnie

Ronnie, age 10
Charleston, S. Carolina (1980)

As a 10-year-old boy living in Charleston, South Carolina, I liked designing mazes, which accounts for the pen in my hand in this photo. My shirt bears the likeness of Spock from "Star Trek," my favorite TV show.

This was snapped on my requested Polaroid instant camera I got for Christmas. Each photo cost two dollars, my entire allowance at the time, so I rationed each one like a miser. I usually shot our family, and this is a rare picture of me, taken by my brother.

It was a different era in the 1970's. My parents told me homosexuality was sick, and so I thought myself sick. I suffered from depression, guilt, and all the usual head trips. But our attitudes changed over time. Now, we all believe differently.

I have always been gay, as far back as I can remember. But I didn't realize what it meant until my late teens. I was naive about sexuality, even while being quite precocious. I experimented without being fully aware of the implications.

I compartmentalized the issue of sexuality with the expectation that I would change later, and that it would not be a life-long thing.

At 13, I fell in love with my best friend, but he did not return the favor. It seemed like I fell in love with several of my friends. I think that is sometimes a rite of passage for gay kids: to fall in love and be rejected.

I came out to my parents as bisexual at the age 18. They were supportive, but had fears and doubts at first. I eventually found a partner, and we have been very happy together for the past 14 years.

To young gays, I would say that life definitely gets better, particularly if one finds the right person to live with. Someone trustworthy, honest, kind, and considerate.