Jessica

Jessica, age 4

Chicago, IL (1991)

I first stumbled over this photo when I was in high school and deeply closeted. I remember giving a little gasp of surprise and hurriedly hiding it among my private things, trying to deflect as much attention away from suspicions about my sexuality as possible. Other times, I'd privately take the picture out and smile, thinking, 'Here's proof that my same-sex attraction preceded any adolescent trauma!' as was the accepted hypothesis at the time.

"Despite incriminating evidence suggesting otherwise, Christina turned
out to be completely straight and still a good friend and ally"

So this is a pic of me and my two cousins, and I'm the little one at the end.
It was most likely taken at an O'Hare Airport terminal, back when visitors were still allowed to accompany passengers boarding planes. It was apparent to everyone at the time how I always became extra silly and giggly when Christina came to visit - but it wasn't apparent to me for 10 more years that I was attracted to women.

I dutifully wore the pretty dresses my mother and grandmother bought for their little girl, but with the understanding that the fine stitching and ripped tights wouldn't deter me from climbing trees, wading through creeks, and doing headstands. In fact, my grandmother still tells the story of how, when scolded that I shouldn't be doing headstands in a dress because my underwear was showing, I neatly addressed that problem -  by taking my underwear off!

As an adult, I'm comfortable with myself and out to friends and family who admit that they 'sometimes wondered' or 'kinda thought I might end up that way'. In retrospect, I wish they'd brought it up with me back then, or introduced me to some gay role models. Or, made an effort to show me they were always as accepting and inclusive toward the gay community as they claim. That would have saved me about 5 years of shame and self-abuse.

Someday I hope to be a parent myself, and my children will always know that someday they may start to like boys or may start to like girls - or both, or neither - and whichever fate chooses for them, together we will celebrate it.

Jessica's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Julie Andrews (in "The Sound Of Music")

Eric

Eric, age 12

Lincoln, Illinois (1972)

I was raised on a pig farm. This picture was taken at my 12th birthday party, at a weenie roast we held in the corn crib. When I wasn't singing along to Jesus Christ Superstar, I was listening to Alice Cooper, Uriah Heep, and Frank Zappa.

"The queerest farm boy, ever"

For a farm boy, I was always a 'flashy dresser'. I wish you could see how cool that shirt is under the safari jacket.

My idol was Graham Kerr on "The Galloping Gourmet" TV show. I think for my class picture this year I had a neckerchief tied to the side.

At 12 I was already 6ft tall, so my innate flamboyance was hard to miss.

I felt like a complete alien, and 6 months after this photo was taken, I tried to kill myself. I failed, struggled through high school, and escaped to Chicago in 1979.

I met my current husband of 22 years in 1989, and in 1995 we adopted our daughter, who just turned 16.


I wish I could go back in time and whisper into this desperately unhappy boy's ear, to let him know how much love and joy he's going to experience in his life.

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Race Bannon ("The Adventures of Jonny Quest")

Bill Bixby (on "The Courtship of Eddie’s Father")
______________________________________________________

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Tricia

Tricia, age 10

Winnetka, Illinois (1974)

This is a pic of me with my 3 younger brothers, two of whom are also gay like me. My 7-year old fraternal twin brothers are to my right, and my 8-year old brother David, is to my left.

I'm gay, David is gay, and one of the twins, Graham (next to me on my right) is gay! So hey, 3 out of 4 ain't bad! We fondly call our brother Andrew (far left, arms folded) the black sheep, since he's the only straight sibling.

Back then, I was always a tomboy. I wanted to be Tarzan, or a cowboy, or Superman when I grew up. I always wore short hair and boy's clothes. I would be so proud when a stranger commented on my mom's four boys.

I had a huge crush on my 3rd grade teacher, which is when I knew I was different. I had fantasies of saving her from a burning house. My mother was always trying to feminize me, but I would play hooky if she forced me to wear a dress to school.

I fell in love with my roommate at an all-girls boarding school when I was 16.
I didn't come out until after college, though. Today I have a loving partner of 20 years, and two beautiful children, both of whom are definitely straight.

And now, my daughter tries to feminize me!

Tricia's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Julie Andrews (in "Sound Of Music")

Elizabeth Montgomery (Samantha on "Bewitched")

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Kevin

Kevin, age 4
Decatur, Illinois (1958)

In my photo, I had been "helping" my Mom in the kitchen, and there were a couple of oranges handy. So I slipped them under my T-shirt just goofin' around. In the background is a photo of me in a more typical '50's cowboy getup.

I'm as gay as a goose, but I've done drag only twice, on Halloween. So this moment wasn't a precursor of anything but my basic outlook on life - which is to have fun, and don't take yourself too seriously.

I think I first figured out I might be attracted to other boys around 5th grade or so, but I distinctly remember early TV crushes on Wally ("Leave It To Beaver") and Robby ("My 3 Sons"). They were so cute. I liked older boys, to be sure.

But later in life, my attractions got a bit more erratic! :)

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tony Dow (Wally on "Leave It To Beaver")
______________________________________________________

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Jac

Jac, age 7
Champaign, IL (1963)

I knew I wanted to be part of the Rat Pack and was doing my best tough guy look for the camera. When I started grade school, the boys and girls lined up separately and I kept getting in the boys line.

"Oceans 11"

After my mom was called into a meeting with the school principal she told me to 'just get in the girls line' as that would just be simpler for everybody.

She never told me to be a girl though. High school brought me into contact with kids who weren't accepting of me, but I simply avoided them.

One of my first lesbian friends was murdered just for being a lesbian, and all my gay male friends from my youth have succumbed to AIDS.



I carry the memory of those I've lost with me, and wish they could have survived to see this project.

JAC's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Natalie Wood (in "Splendor In The Grass")

Also, I was devastated when Suzanne Pleshette was killed off in "The Birds."

Maddi

Maddi, age 12
Chicago, Illinois (1997)

The year was 1997. I was 12, and, like many of my peers, in the midst of a full-fledged Spice Girls obsession. This specific picture was taken on Halloween, after my mother had painstakingly drawn all of Sporty Spice's tattoos on my arms, and Superglued a rhinestone to my nose to make it look pierced (it's possible that my family might go a little too far when it comes to costumes...)

"Girl Power!"

I was incredibly proud of that costume, as Sporty Spice was my fave, but that look was pretty much the butchest I've ever been.

If I had to fit myself into a nice, neat little labeled box, I'd probably call myself a femme, because I like wearing pretty things, and I'm ridiculously girly in general.

But I may be different from others in that I didn't know early on that I was gay.

In the era of this picture, I didn't have much of an eye for anyone except Leo DiCaprio, so the fact that I might like girls wasn't even on my radar.


I didn't come out to myself (or start coming out to others) until age 20, when I was studying abroad in Europe, and experiencing what I thought was my first real-life girl crush (I'd begun admitting my celeb crushes to myself by then).

But the thing is, once I actually started coming out, it was like all of a sudden I was remembering things from my past with gay-tinted glasses. 

That English teacher who I thought was so great my freshman year of high school? Totally crushing. The fact that out of all the Spice Girls to be my favorite, I picked the dykiest looking one? Gay. My favorite character when my parents had me watch "Law & Order" with them?  A gorgeous brunette with a Texan drawl who ended up defining my "type" - and who I still love to watch in all her hot ladycop hotness today on "Rizzoli & Isles".

I've been quite lucky, I must say. I grew up in a liberal, accepting environment. My Father's business partner was a gay man, and at age 9, I sold the most Girl Scout cookies I ever sold to members of The Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. My mom has always had plenty of lesbian/lesbian-ish friends.

I live in Boston now. I realize how lucky I've been, how relatively easy being gay has been for me. Regardless of what we've all each been through on our journeys to discovering our real selves, and regardless of what people might say to us, or think of us - the only person who truly needs to be accepting of me - is me.

Maddi's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Melanie C (Sporty Spice)

Angie Harmon (on "Law & Order")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jane

Jane, age 5

Springfield, IL (1995)

"Just one of the boys!"

Here I am, after my brother's baseball ball game in Springfield, Illinois. I was his biggest fan!

This photo still describes me to this day. I have my girly hints (the pink) but when you get down to it, I'm one of the boys with the dirt underneath my fingernails, in the overalls, wearing the baseball cap.

Growing up I was the definition of tomboy. For a while I even had the short hair!

I guess always knew I was gay. I had crushes on girls in elementary school, but I didn't accept it till I was 19.

Looking at the picture I reminds me of who I am - and I like it.

Jane's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Julia Roberts
Thanks! Most amazing blog!

B. Dean

B. Dean, age 7

Winnetka, IL (1980)

I was always an effeminate boy, particularly when I was very young. Strangers were forever mistaking me for a girl, so I became very aware of and acclimated to the fact that I was "different" at a very early age.

"But Mooooother! I didn't want a Beatles haircut!
I told you I wanted it feathered! Like Jill Munroe!"

I remember feeling "different" from birth, really. Although it certainly didn't feel like a "difference" until I grew older, and learned how to compare myself to others.

This was always made even clearer to me, when I'd demand my friends play games with me, revolving around meticulously memorized plots of Charlie's Angels or Wonder Woman episodes.

I spent most of my childhood imagining myself as Jill Munroe, or fantasized to kiss Andy Gibb while staring at him on the cover of his "Shadow Dancing" record.

For me, that felt entirely "normal." And, it still feels that way.

Also I enjoy remembering how I overcompensated for being an effeminate boy, by being "tough" in other ways.

For example, that Mona Lisa smile I'm sporting in the above photo? It's likely due to the fact that, stuck down my shorts and out of the frame, was a toy .38 Special "pop gun" that my mother had bought for me. And which I always carried when I played being an Angel.

And I like that memory, as well.

B Dean's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Christopher Atkins (in "The Blue Lagoon")

Victor Barbee (principal dancer, American Ballet Theatre) 

I just discovered your blog today, and I absolutely love that you came up with this project. It's such an important thing for younger gay people to see, and to read. You're awesome.

Karen

Karen, age 5
Rockford, Illinois (1987)

I think I love this picture and this age because I trusted myself so much more then. I was ME, period.

"For the Honor of Greyskull!"

So much less societal conditioning and insecurity there to get in the way. I loved that costume and I was so proud to have my sword. I was joyful! I naturally resisted gender and sexuality stereotypes and idolized strong women like Jodie Foster and Sigourney Weaver.

In the years immediately after this I quickly started to pick up on my "difference", and I had crushes on my best friends (a girl and a boy) and started to feel self-conscious about not being "girly" enough.

I quickly learned to edit myself to try to fit in, and spent the rest of my school-age years secretly wondering what was "wrong" with me.


It took me until my early 20's to start to resurrect the honesty, joy, and self-confidence I had then. And I am so happy to have the picture as a reminder of that time before I let the outside world in to mess with my head! :)

Karen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Winona Ryder (in "Beetlejuice")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Hilton

Hilton, age 7

Litchfield, IL (1953)

"Prim and proper"

I was beating most of the girls at jax in my class - I preferred that to sports.

I first knew I was gay about this age.

I had a crush on my best friend, Robin, and I just wanted to be close to him physically.
I thought about him a lot

Looking back at this picture, I wish gayness had been in the culture at large then, so I would have known it wasn't just me that was that way.

Hilton's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Elvis Presley & Leonard Bernstein

Kurt

Kurt, age 12

Chicago, Illinois (1968)

"I Never Had A Choice!"

I was in the 8th grade here, so I was probably around 12-years-old.

And this was shot at a costume party at a Ballroom Dance Class.

I've known I was gay as far back as I can remember, like at 3 or 4 years old.

My Mom dressed me up like Phyllis Diller, then she wondered why I turned out the way I did. I was kind of angry at Mom at the time, but I laugh about it now!

Kurt's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Bobby Sherman & Robert Conrad ("The Wild Wild West")
And any guy who played Tarzan, Hercules, or a gladiator!