Joshua

Joshua, age 4

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1988)

This is me and my sister Jay, herself a lesbian. Growing up, I was the youngest of 4 kids from a single mother. My mom was a hairstylist, who encouraged us to be ourselves. I was always the loner kid with the heart of gold, and I liked talking to her customers in her hair salon.

When I turned 4, my mom got me a brunette Barbie (the closest they had to a "Latina" doll at the time) in a red Corvette car, and I was in love. I'll mention that I'm the one who requested Barbie. Back then, I watched Jem, Rainbow Brite, and loved My Little Pony. When my sister and I went to McDonalds and got the boy and girl Happy Meal toys, we would trade them.

Growing up in a city of 15,000 people, but whose name signifies shiny objects such as Las Vegas, I was very different and didn't have many friends. I read a lot, and took pottery, gymnastics, tap-dancing, and acting classes.

I remember one birthday party when I was 9, and not one person attended it.
At that young age, I realized I was different, and that everyone knew it about me. And, I understood what it meant for the other kids to feel "guilt by association." When I got older, into middle and high school, I was bullied tremendously. I'd try to get through classes unnoticed, where a good day would mean not being picked on 5 separate times.

I have always been different, and that just was it. I don't remember questioning why I was gay then, and never pegged it as being gay - just different. Maybe if I'd grown up in a household with more masculine influences, or if my mom wasn't so accepting, I would have payed more attention to my traits.

But my family encouraged me to be myself, and do the things that made me learn, grow, and smile. My mom never tried to lean me towards masculine traits nor feminine, she just wanted me to be happy.

And I've learned that those differences just never really mattered.
Because in retrospect, I know I was truly was BORN THIS WAY! :-)

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Pierre

Pierre, age 5

Quebec, Canada (1977)

This picture was taken inside our cabin in St. Donat, Quebec. It was Christmas morning, and I'd just woken up, very excited to get all my gifts.

I sat down beside the fireplace, and my mother couldn't believe my pose! LOL! She asked me not to move, and she took the shot.

I remember starting to feel different around 7 or 8-years old. I just wasn't interested in the same things the other boys my age were.

I'm now 39, and fully enjoy my life. I have amazing parents that always showed me how to be a great person, and to embrace whatever makes us different.

Lori

Lori, age 9

Cedar Falls, IA (1970)

This is me and my friend Ken, ready for war - well before we ended up in an epic real brawl as we walked home from school one day, which ended our friendship.

For me - despite the leopard pants my grandma made me - wearing jeans and sneakers while running into town was who I was.

I hung out with all the boys, playing Bart Starr to my friend Jon's Donny Anderson, from the Green Bay Packers. Or playing a Knight of the Round Table using metal garbage can lids and cardboard swords.

And beating up anyone who dared pick on my sister.

I used to race the boys' Stingray bikes my dad built all over town, with my little AM radio slung over the handlebars, as I listened to the Rolling Stones and Jefferson Airplane.

Darkness would fall and I'd race home, compelled to be on time to watch Elizabeth Montgomery in "Bewitched," whom I loved on an epic scale. 

One of my fondest memories is the day my dad gave me a bright and shiny new baseball bat and ball for my birthday. It's a memory which he probably assigned as the pivotal moment he still had some control to do things differently, and not end up with a lesbian daughter.

Fortunately, I had parents who did not force me into dresses, except as decorum required, such as church on Easter. I’m forever grateful I got to be essentially who I was in those days gone by.

I wonder what might have been, had puberty not interfered with the innocence of pure joy I experienced as a 9-year-old dyke.

Lori's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elizabeth Montgomery ("Bewitched")

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Jim

Jim, age 7

San Pablo, California (1971)

There was always something I loved about striking a pose that always felt glamorous. I always liked being presentable, and I was feeling so sporty in my sneakers, cuffed pants, and shiny windbreaker. I always felt different, but "gay" didn't resonate until I was about 10, when we moved to El Sobrante, CA.

Back then, the kids would ride their banana seat bikes,
or come to our house to swim. I was always drawn to hair on guys, especially longish straight hair.

My best friend had blondish-white hair, and our other friend had jet-black hair with Dippity Do pomade.

My friend Veronica had an older brother, who I met at 9.

Her brother was cool - and hot! - and I was smitten with his straight, shoulder length, dirty-brown hair. And he wore a PUKA SHELL necklace. Needless to say, I put a great amount of mileage on my bike riding past his house!

I didn't mind the boy stereotype of playing and getting dirty, but I much preferred listening to my Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell, Doors, and Credence Clearwater Revival records with my best friend. Or climbing the evergreen tree in the back hill, to see San Francisco and feel the breeze in the hopes of hearing the news of gay liberation emanating from the streets.

From this age on, I discovered that what I had was a gift, and I learned the necessity to give it to those without it. Unfortunately, as in many Shakespearean themes, my good nature became manipulated by my brothers, who taught me the Machiavellian principles. Which meant "boys only" swim dates that opened my eyes to my peers, and the wonder and beauty of the male form.

This picture brings me joy and peace, and keeps me grounded in the belief that I'm still clearly that boy, and I give him a voice often. No shame then, no shame now. Luckily, it was ingrained in our upbringing to understand a person's content - and not their skin color, clothes, or hair, etc.

As someone who has worked in NYC with young gay kids for over 25 years, the only advice I can offer is to build that foundation of who and what you are. And gather the company of friends and family who can relish in - and openly celebrate - the other little Jim's this may be happening to everyday.

James' first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Donny Osmond & Barry Williams (Greg Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
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Jakub

Jakub, age 11

Wielkopolska, Poland (1992)

I remember as a kid, that I was different in every way. I didn't care about playing football, fighting, cars, or other typical "boy" things etc.

Instead, I was obsessed with Madonna and dancing and singing. I discovered myself as gay around 11. I love this pic, because it reflects my mood at that time.

At school, I was both loved and hated. I was crazy about Madonna's "Erotica" album back then. Madonna was, and is still is, very important to me. She is like my 2nd mother.

I came out in 2003, 11 years after this pic. I was inspired to do it by my boyfriend, so I wrote about it in a letter to my mother. My boyfriend and I are still together, we have a great home, and a lot of love.

My message to all is:
Be yourself, no matter what they say. Express your love to the world every day!

Jakub's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Brad Pitt (in "Thelma & Louise")
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Jason

Jason, age 11

Saint Paul, Minnesota (1984)

When I look at this picture, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Laugh for the young, spirited grade school kid that found tremendous joy in wearing his Granny’s wigs. Or, cry for the young kid who grew up with little joy in his spirit.

I always knew I was "different" but was never able to make the connection as to what that difference was. Everyone else apparently knew; I heard it in the halls, the schoolyard, and in the lunchroom.

From grade school on into high school,
it was the same four perjoratives: "girl," "sissy," "wuss" - and the dreaded "F" word. Eventually, that's what "different" meant to me.   

I always made promises to myself:
If I could just have more boys as friends, then I wouldn’t feel different. If I could just stop wearing Granny’s wigs, then I wouldn’t feel different. If I could just hold my breath underwater for 20 minutes, then I wouldn’t feel different.

But I didn’t, I wouldn’t, and I still can't. Yet somehow, sometimes even still to my amazement, I carried on, knowing that someday I'd redefine my "different."

And eventually, after finally coming out, I did. My adult life as a gay individual has been filled with awakenings and wonderment. Friendship and merriment. "Different" has now translated to "special" and "unique." "Different" now means "fascinating" and "exceptional." And my spirit is filled with joy beyond measure.
I can’t imagine my life any other way.

I wish I could go back, if only for a moment, and reach out to the young version of myself. To tell him things will turn out just fine. That his sadness will be replaced with blessings exceeding his wildest dreams. That "different" was just a nine letter word that set him apart from others. That the only thing "different" now - is the difference he’ll make in other people's lives.

And more importantly, that his wigs will eventually get much more fabulous.

My message to any youngster that feels "different" is simple:
You will survive. You will rise above. You will be fantastic.

And you will redefine your "different" too!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Tammy

Tammy, age 9

Jamestown, TN (1975)  

That's me, in the hawt red halter top, with my baby brother and older sister.

In retrospect, I knew I was a lesbian by the time I was age 4.

People who say gayness is a "choice" make me laugh and gag simultaneously.

I mean, my God.
Look at me at age 9!


This was also around the time that I jumped off a short flight of concrete steps at my church to impress Greta, a Bible-school classmate. Yes, I remember her name. How could I not? I survived. I doubt I changed Greta's heterosexual orientation. After all, she was BORN THAT WAY.

Today, I'm a sporty dyke, and happy and content with my orientation.
And I love your blog.

Robert

Robert, age 4

Brooksville, FL (1974)

The pic is from my cherished "memories" cabinet. It was my Kindergarten play and first costume ever in public. If you look close, you can see the real prunes my mother pinned onto the outfit. And notice the pink ricrac. The next year I was the King, for my big jump to 1st grade. And this is where my storytelling and theatrical career began! I LOVE this pic now, and actually gave framed copies, signed by "The Gingerbread Man" to my mom & two sisters in 2004!

"The Gingerbread Man"

A good friend shot this pic, whom also I ended up having theatrical adventures with, and who also had a best childhood friend who was gay!

She recently gave us tickets to see 9 To 5 and West Side Story, so take that, haters! Just because you come out, does not mean you will lose everything and everyone.

I was, and still am, energetic, overly creative, and smart. My folks started me in dance class to expel some energy.

I had no desire for sweaty sports, until I got much older. Much, much, older.

I have been gay since birth, though I didn't feel "different" until a supposed best friend turned on me in 7th grade. Then the hell began. I couldn't wait to get out of my small town, so I went to college far away.

It is hard to love your family and stay friends with folks from childhood, but really dislike the pervading pall that is the blessing/curse of an isolated small town. It's great in some ways, but certain cancers are never fully eradicated.
Still, until a best friend turned on me and made me his target, it was great.

Now, being an adult, I am out, proud, and quite open with my life. Although things naturally shift when your life doesn't revolve around alcohol and sex as much as it does in one's 20's (regardless of gender, identity, or orientation). And for anyone who comes out late, it simply means re-living being 16 again, with all of the pitfalls and inherent traps.

Which is why so many older gays that come out act so outlandish. The sudden freedom is so liberating, and the pent up sexual energy is finally released, so to speak. It does wreak some havoc in its wake. Luckily, mine played out in tandem with mostly normal development, and I've counseled more than my share of older, closeted gays about what is to come.

So remember, everyone:
It is not always self shame, but external shame thrust upon us, that causes us to feel different. No matter what age.

Let Love Lead.

Robert's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Race Bannon ("Jonny Quest")

I still have a thing for platinum Daddies.
And I've ben happily partnered to one for nearly 7 years now...

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Nora

Nora, age 2

Chicago, IL (1990)

First off, that ball should have said BUTCH on it. My parents raised me as the tomboy I wanted to be: Football with the boys, hockey instead of figure skating, and the nail in the coffin - softball instead of volleyball.

I guess there came a time in my parents lives where it 'stopped being cute' and was simply 'not what they wanted for their daughter.'

I am never bitter about the way I was treated during my adolescent stages, when I was becoming a young individual. But I must say, it did change me.

In the long run, it’s pictures like these that make me happy to be who I am.

No holding back. Proud



My message for queer peers and those in school today is:
Be who you are not whom everyone else wants you to be.

Your parents will get past their initial shock, bullies will have karma to deal with and you, you will be happy and enjoying life.

Be strong, be you, be proud!

Mike

Mike, age 5

Pendleton, Indiana (1977)

Don’t be fooled by the masculine blue pajamas I'm wearing. This photo takes place before I'd started dressing up in my mom's old nightgowns, a wig, and costume jewelry. Me and my little sister (pictured here) would both get diva’d up and prance around the house, lip-synching to Marie Osmond and The Mandrell Sisters. Or pretend we were the oil baroness wives from Dallas.

I always liked to play Sue Ellen Ewing, because she was so deliciously mean.
And drunk...

"Wishing Luke Skywalker would use the Force on me."

Our neighbor Cindy would come over and the three of us would create elaborate dramas, with each of our characters a beautiful runway model.

I always wanted to play an aging star who was losing her beauty, but determined to do so with grace and attitude.

Even at an early age, I knew that milking a situation for all its turmoil was, in a word, tragifabulous.

And yet, I first knew
I was gay around age 5.


I was in love with Mark Hamill and wanted to be Luke Skywalker. But more importantly, I wanted to touch his perfectly tanned chest. The way his desert poncho allowed just the slightest glimpse of his collarbone and pec muscles did something to me that I couldn't explain.

All I knew was that whenever my sister would leave her Princess Leia doll unattended, I'd force Luke and Leia to do some serious heavy petting - even though I didn’t understand it.

Growing up gay in the Midwest in the 70's might not have been ideal, but my family was supportive and allowed me to be me. Their mantras were:
'We’re not everybody else' and 'It doesn’t matter what other people think.'

And what can you say about a mother who sews her son a Wonder Woman costume from scratch, and lets him wear it to his Kindergarten Halloween party?
I would say, that's the definition of love.

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Mark Hamill (in "Star Wars") & Donnie Osmond
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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