Ernesto

Ernesto, age 6

El Paso, TX (1991)

When I stumbled upon this picture a few years ago, my first thought was,
'Wow, what a homo!' Then I thought to myself, how nothing really has changed.

I was always a sensitive boy, with my head in the clouds and my heart on my sleeve. Even when it wasn’t a class requisite, I still used to buy Valentine cards for the girls on the school bus. I was semi hoping for a girlfriend, or at least my own Valentine - none of which I received. Even though I had this 'way with the girls,' it truly wasn’t what my heart desired.

My angsty teen years - which could be perfectly narrated by Christina Ricci - were kind of lonesome. I had no one to commiserate with, and no gay peers. Then high school came, and I began to embrace my homosexuality. I would no longer awkwardly dodge the 'are you gay?' question.

And I began to taste my freedom.

It took my moving to a different city to fully be me. I have lived in Phoenix and New Orleans, and I am grateful to now have the gay support system I needed. It is through these experiences, and my amazing friends, that I am building up the strength to one day come out to my mom.

Now, my favorite color is Blue, favorite animal is the Lion (although some would argue it's a Bear), my favorite game is Scrabble, and my favorite holiday is still Valentine’s Day.

Ernesto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Omri Katz (in "Hocus Pocus")

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Paul

Paul, age 4

Grove City, Ohio (1984)

My childhood dream was to be Snow White. Although I couldn't whistle, I regaled everyone with my version of "Whistle While You Work," and raised some eyebrows waltzing through the house singing "Someday My Prince Will Come."

I also started channeling my creative energy into another outlet: drawing. My parents sought the mentoring of a local artist, who took me under her wing when I was 4, and she taught me that anything I imagined could come to life on canvas.

Soon, every wall in our house was covered with oil-painted tributes to my favorite heroines. I then decided that I didn’t want to be Snow White when I grew up. I wanted to be an artist.

I'm grateful I had a mentor who cared enough to fuel this creative flame, because the other flaming aspects of my personality presented problems at school.

Boys with high-pitched voices - whose approach to running laps in gym class could be described as "prancing" - didn’t fare well. I learned that in order to survive, I had to conceal those aspects of my personality that made me different.

I wasn't able to describe what I was covering up as "gay" yet, though. That realization didn’t fully hit me until right after college. Still, I knew there was something inside me that needed to be squelched, or it would ruin everything.

Fortunately, this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.

I found my way out of the dark, enchanted forest to a place of self-acceptance.
I even found my own handsome prince, and our life together is as close to "happily ever after" as I can imagine, this side of the Magic Kingdom

I've also continued pursuing my dream to be an artist. My paintings that explore my journey out of the closet are displayed in galleries across the country.

Art was my salvation during the most difficult parts of my childhood, and I encourage others who struggle with similar issues to find a way to creatively express themselves.

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Prince Charming ("Snow White")
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Lisa

Lisa, age 8

Mesa, AZ (1993)

When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.

"God doesn't make mistakes."

I have vague memories of "experimenting" with my best friend Ashlee in 4th grade. It was all innocent at the time, but looking back, I think about the feelings it gave me and how much I loved it.

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.

When confronted about it, I said:

'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'

That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.

I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside. Shortly after that I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother.

It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.

But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.

I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."

And I feel content.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")

Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")

Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")

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Ed

Ed, age 2

Peoria, IL (1962)

This photo was taken when I was just shy of 2, and shows a happy boy who just won't stop being happy. That's why I like this photo so much – it shows my spirit that won’t quit. The plaid jumper is pretty hot, too!

One of the challenges for me growing up was asserting my individuality. My parents were (and still are, to an extent) more concerned about how things look, rather than being authentic.

One of my earliest memories was in 2nd grade; I wanted to play the flute and quickly found out that boys don't play the flute. I learned to be quiet and just do what I was told.

But I always knew my inner feelings were somehow different than what was expected.


The first time I remember these feelings as being gay was when I was 11.
I wanted to be with my best friend at the time. There was something about being around him that just felt really good. I also remember how devastated I was when he moved away that summer. I missed him so much I cried, but knew that I couldn't tell anyone why I was crying.

That's also when I also remember being really attracted to Peter on "The Brady Bunch." Greg was too old and Bobby was too young - but Peter was just right!

After a long drawn out process, I finally came out to myself in college and realized I needed to be far away from home to really be my true self. Coming out to my family was incredibly painful; my father said he wouldn’t drink out of the same glass as me because I'm gay (this was the early 80’s). He’s mellowed a bit since, but we aren’t that close. I wish we were closer.

Somehow, I've kept seeing that happy kid inside myself, and that kept me going. And my life now is wonderful!  I'm in a 20+ year relationship, and I started my own business because I realized my true calling is to make my own box, rather than be in someone else's!

Be your authentic self.

Ed's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Knight (Peter Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
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Jerrod

Jerrod, age 5

Little Rock, AR (1983)

My female cousin received a makeup kit for Christmas, and I was blown away by the possibilities. I KNEW red was my color, and nothing matches red lipstick better than red blush (which was also the lipstick). We had a blast until our parents saw us. They waited long enough to take a photo before yelling at us and making me take the makeup off. I complied, but felt guilty. Why was it OK for my cousin, but not me?

"Strike a pose"

I knew I liked men at age 4. I got a birthday gift in Batman and Robin wrapping paper and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Robin’s legs. I didn’t know what I felt, but that didn’t matter - his legs were hot.

When I came out at age 15, my parents were shocked. I thought the whole world knew. Growing up gay for me was not the struggle it was for many. I never got beat up, but I was scared a lot. My experiences in school led me to my current career as an administrator in a high school. I taught for a number of years, but wanted to reach out to more kids.

As a school administrator, I can affect thousands of children throughout my career, and let each one know that they are unique, and they are loved. And that even if it's just me, they have an adult on their side who will do everything within his power to protect him or her.

Jason

Jason, age 3

Bangkok, Thailand (1992)

When I was in 1st grade, my best friend stopped talking to me, and I confronted her. She told me, with the most confused and sad look on her face, that she thought I was a girl that entire time. Rumors then spread that I was a girl, and the bullies ganged up on me, trapping me at the playground one day. I cried and cried until I thought of the only solution to fix the situation: I pulled down my pants and showed them. And from that day on, I became "one of the boys."

I always loved to dress up and take pictures. As you can see, I had a thing for being a sailor. And I really credit my mother for my fabulosity.

I remember shopping every single day with her, and she'd let me carry the shopping bags. I also credit my biceps from an early age, thanks to all those bags.

From a young age, I already knew about the holy designers my mother fashioned; her Fendi mini-dress, Chanel bag, and heels.

Everyone knew about me, but no one said a thing. My family loved to twist stories, saying stuff like I'm a pimp with lots of girlfriends, as I always hung out with girls.

One day at the school cafeteria, a friend who I came out to accidentally replied loudly, "BUT YOU'RE GAY!" to something we were talking about. At first I was shocked and angry, and silence filled the room. But soon it began to stir up again, as no one was surprised - at all.

Although I was always accepted and even admired, I never felt truly free until I moved to New York for college. I ate Chinese food that first night and my fortune cookie said: 'May the rainbow always touch your shoulder.' I smiled and just knew this was right.

My advice to kids today is:

Everyone - gay, bi, or straight - is just as unique, weird, and beautiful as you.
So, be weird together.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David Beckham (soccer player)

I had his pictures all over my closet door, and always wore his number jersey.
I hated soccer and any other type of sports, but my parents never suspected.
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