Tristan

Tristan, age 11

Hartford, VT (2001)

The picture was taken at my grandma's house. The girls surrounding me are my sisters. This picture is actually very important to me. It's the first picture of myself where I thought I looked good. I've never considered myself to be a good looking person, but I have always appreciated the way I look in this picture.

When I was younger I was very awkward. I was really into horror films, like "The Shining" and "Alien," and rock music like Nirvana and Soundgarden.
I talked weird, so I was always somewhat self-conscious about my voice.
I generally didn't speak to people very often, and would spend a lot of time alone.

I first realized that I was gay when I was in the 3rd grade. I was attracted to a lot of other boys growing up. But it wasn't until I was 9-years old that I even realized homosexuality existed.

When I was finally open about my sexuality, my family was happy for me.
My mom was a little startled, but she's happy for me today.

But, not everyone accepted me. A few friends were disgusted and avoided me. It hurt, but obviously they weren't going to be faithful to me as friends. If they cared about such superficial things, I eventually realized I was better off without them.

Everyone out there has a different story, and it has really hurt my soul to read about the terrible things a lot of you young people have gone through.

My advice is to learn to be happy with yourself. I know that for many of you,
it will be very hard to do. And I completely understand your fears.

I've been called "f*ggot" before and it always hurts. But you can't let those people discourage you from being happy. Try not to wonder about whether or not you are born this way, because that doesn't matter. Just do what makes you happy.

Self-confidence is an attractive thing.
And the best way to find love, is to love yourself first.

Tristan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ralph Macchio
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David & Dean

David, age 7

Dean, age 9

Sterling Heights, MI (1976)

Which two of these three brothers grew up to be gay? That's me David (left), with the hoop earrings. Even though it appears otherwise, my brother Dean (right) and I never knew the other was gay. Not until we were both adults who had moved out of the house. We weren't particularly close growing up, and are not as adults. So it was kind of a surprise to find out that we were both gay.

What I find most revealing about this pic is, despite the woman's clothes, there is already a consciousness on my part to "butch it up" for the camera.

By age 7,  I had already been told several times that I "write like a girl" and was asked on a few occasions whether I was "a boy or a girl".

These accusations and inquiries secretly bothered me.


It taught me early on that I needed to keep my feminine side in check. It's funny now that this thinking reveals itself, even dressed as a gypsy-girl for Halloween.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

Looking back, I definitely had same-sex attractions growing up, but I always rationalized them as "envy". I guess I certainly "envied" some hot looking guys.

Being gay was never a choice I made. Being gay was a growth of self knowledge, and an acceptance of the fact that I was "Born This Way".
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Joe

Joe, age 7

Oak Park, MI (1970)

This is me and my sister Lisa. I knew I was gay around the time of this picture. How could the person taking this picture not know that I was gay? For goodness sake, I'm posing like a proud little girl - and I love it!

I remember showering with other boys in Cub Scouts, and being intrigued and aroused by the other boys' bodies. I knew I was sexually different by 6th grade at a sleepover, when the boys took out Playboy magazines and talked about girls.
I remember thinking eventually they will also talk about boys, but they never did.

So, I kept quiet.

I was an effeminate boy, who liked to play house and lip sync to Cher songs.
I'd put my sister's black tights over my head, throwing back the legs like long hair, as if I were actually Cher singing "Half-Breed!"

My parents weren't OK with this. They'd shame me, make me take off the tights, and put the hair brush down. I felt terrible, knowing I wasn't like other boys.

Although I kept my sexuality quiet, other boys - and girls - could see that I was different, and I was bullied. I was name-called queer, sissy, and f*ggot constantly. I was spit at, pushed around, and punched regularly.

Unlike other gay boys, I told my parents. They came to the school and told the teachers and principles, but nothing changed. I became isolated and depressed at age 14, and my mother took me to therapy, which saved my life.

The therapist was open to hearing about my real thoughts, fantasies, and identity.
He taught me how to fight back those bullies with my words, and it worked.
It inspired me to become a therapist as an adult.

My message to gay kids now is:

If you hang in there, you will be able to make your own way. And not be at the mercy of the bullies, or anyone in your life who is not doing anything about it.

Be it a guidance counselor, teacher, or a trusted adult:
Tell someone what is happening to you, so you are not alone. There is help.
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Parker

Parker, age 5

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (1994)

Nothing was more exhilarating than whirling and twirling in my mother's dresses. Here, I am wearing my favorite of hers. It was lightweight, covered in beautiful roses, and just sheer enough to feed my need to walk on the wild side.

How my mother was surprised when my infatuation with boys came out in the open, I haven't the slightest idea.

I think a lot of people that have struggled with being different wish their family would have walked them through the awkward glances, and the general lack of comfort that comes with growing up that way.

Even so, I could never blame my family for being just as confused as I was, at the time.

I remember feeling a little fancier than other boys my age.

My concerns, were different from their concerns:


Why would my cousin let her dolls have such ratty hair?
If I couldn't have a purse, where was I supposed to put my things?
Why didn't the Pink and the Red Power Rangers ever get together?

I mean, they were both hot. It made sense.

My VHS copy of "The Wizard of Oz" played a key role in my youth. The concept of some small town, decently pretty kid, being swept off to a far away land - only to be truly wanted, occasionally envied, befriended by eccentrics, and come home at the end of the day having learned all of life's lessons - was the most perfect scenario I'd ever heard of.

Pop culture was my first addiction, though. Late at night, in music videos, I'd catch glimpses of myself in people who seemed unimaginably confident and beautiful. That's all I've ever wanted to be.

Since those days of twirling and brushing doll hair, I've found my beauty and comfort in creativity. I'm a stylist at the most rock 'n roll hair salon in Oklahoma. I'm also a musician, I'm an artist, I'm still fancy, and I'm still learning.

I'm learning that it does get better. Exceptionally better.

Parker's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Fred Savage (in "The Wonder Years")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Rae

Rae, age 5
Barstow, California (1974)

I was always the one girl who wanted to play cops and robbers with the boys,
or build forts in the desert. I loved getting dirty.

I loved watching "Masters Of The Universe" because I thought Teela was cool. But the real reason was I thought her father, Man-at-Arms, was even cooler.

I knew I was gay around age 10. I was having  giddy feelings for some of my girl friends. I knew I was different, but I just didn't know in what way.

Seeing this picture of myself decked out in a dress, now makes me realize just how uncomfortable I always was in girls clothing. It was a nice feeling to be dressed up, but I would have been happier in a little suit and tie.

When I came out in 2009, the majority of my family's responses were:

"We have known forever, but we were waiting for you to be comfortable enough to tell us."

None of my family members, including my own children, have bad feelings about me being a lesbian. In fact, they all know I'm happier now, because I don't have to hide who I really am.

My message is: Be true to yourself, and do not hide who you really are.

Yes, it might be difficult. But don't miss out on the life you could have, because you're too busy living the life someone else wants you to have.

I missed about 20 years of true happiness, because I was too afraid to be myself. So don't live in fear.

Rae's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Lynda Carter (as "Wonder Woman")

Seeing her in 'Wonder Woman' made my little heart flutter like crazy
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Colin

Colin, age 4

Dayton, OH (1964)

I'm the the youngest of 7 children, in an Irish Catholic family in Dayton Ohio. As far back as I can remember, my mother made sure that I knew I was special.

I can remember the day of this picture very clearly. I had dressed up all by myself upstairs, and was so proud of it, I descended the stairs to show the family.

Don't mistake the look on my face for sadness. It was more just disappointment at my family's initial reaction, when they first saw me coming down the stairs.

I was looking for admiration or awe at the "ensemble" I'd created out of diverse items I'd found in a closet.

My family laughed and took this picture. But I remember feeling like royalty,
as I descended down those stairs.

This picture now rests on our mantle, next to a childhood picture of my husband. His photo is from when he was around 6-years old. In it, he's holding a can of worms for fishing, and he looks so happy.

I guess the old saying that "opposites attract" holds true.
And we have been together for over 28 years now.

My message to all is:

Never, ever let anyone make you feel less than the wonderfully special human being that you are! You are FABULOUS!

Isaac

Isaac, age 4

Lodi, Wisconsin (1994)

This is a picture of me dressing up in the pre-school that I attended. It was actually published in the local paper, for a feature story about the pre-school.

I loved to put on that tutu and dance around the play area, and pretend to be a princess. I loved making the other students play princess with me, especially the boys.

I used to crank up some Amy Grant, Madonna, or Whitney Houston and dance into my own little world.

Looking back at this picture as an adult, I regret how long I tried to pretend to be a "normal" heterosexual male. When it was so obvious to me, that I wasn't.

I know it can be hard when you are raised in a conservative family and town, like I was.



But being out and proud is one of the greatest feelings I have ever felt.
It far out-weighs all the prejudice and hate that was directed at me.

So, my dearies: Be you a child, adolescent, or adult who is dealing with your identity, here is my advice: Don't doubt the feelings you are experiencing.

Embrace that you are different. And don't let your parents, community members, or friends make you into something you aren't - just because they might be uncomfortable with it.
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Katy

Katy, age 1

Des Moines, IA (1957)

This photo shows me on my first birthday. My Great Aunt Dee was trying to indoctrinate me into the joys of being a girl. Even back then, I was dubious.

I knew I was different from others at a very early age. By the time I was 3, I was obsessed with gender. I would puzzle out who was a boy and who was a girl, and try to figure out where I fit in.

In the 1950's, gender roles were very clearly defined, and I didn't feel comfortable wearing dresses and doing girly things. But I didn't really want to be a boy, either. I figured there must be a 3rd gender that was half-boy and half-girl, and that's what I was.

I was always looking for others like me - and I found them. I was fascinated by a woman I once saw who smoked a pipe. She was one of us. I adored Mary Martin in the role of "Peter Pan." She was one of us, too.

But I found my true kindred spirit in a children's book my mother used to read to me. It was the character Christopher Robin in A.A. Milne's Winnie The Pooh series. In my 3-year old mind, he was the quintessential 3rd gender.

Plus he had two names: Christopher was a boy's name, and Robin was a girl's name. The illustrations showed him with long, curly hair and dressed in what looked to me like girl's clothes. He also wore Mary Jane shoes, just like the ones
I wore to Sunday school. And yet in the book, Christopher Robin was always referred to as "he."

Whenever my mother read one of the books to me, I'd ask:

"Is Christopher Robin a boy or a girl?"
"A boy," she'd respond
"Then why does he look like a girl?" I'd ask

I was hoping that this time she'd tell me he was both boy and girl.
But she never said that. She always had the same reply:

"Because he's from England."

It wasn't quite the answer I had wanted. But it at least gave me hope, that somewhere there was a place where I could find people that were like me.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Sebastian

Sebastian, age 4

Maple Shade, NJ (1983)

I think this was taken at a party for my sister. Clearly, I wanted to make it all about me! I was raised by adoring, retired parents who had me unexpectedly.

"The SON Will Come Out, Tomorrow"

While I later endured the suburban de rigueur rites known as Cub Scouts and softball - where I would sneak off and pick dandelions, or tell stories until my name was screamed for - the fashionable sash and parasol were both allowed by my father.

My dad said little boys of his generation frequently dressed in drag for Halloween. As for my mother? She was a sort of suburban Auntie Mame!

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"

My parents realized suburbia was no place to raise a fabulous, gay child. So at 8, we moved to Philadelphia so they could quit driving. Despite early beatings from local urban "thugs" I found my niche at a progressive prep school. That's where I found, art, writing, and wonderful friends.

In this picture, I see both the excitement and nervousness of my feminine sash and decidedly Victorian, little-girl pose. Now, I look much the same. I still have ponderous brown eyes that are both thrilled and afraid to be in front of a camera.

I still have a tendency to wear bright colors in strange combinations. However,
I don't dress in drag that often. Although, there are requests at parties, which I do occasionally make good on.

I have always, as many gay people have, taken risks. Professionally, that means making my dreams come true, and NOT fitting into any one role. At 25, I tried moving to Switzerland, but it didn't work out. At 27, I quit a stable job and started writing professionally, with a variety of odd-jobs and side gigs to keep me afloat.

Now at 31, I live in Wilton Manors, Florida - the GAYEST town in America, outside of Fort Lauderdale. I'm also the editor of the South Florida Gay News, and life IS a banquet!

Erik

Erik, age 5

Burbank, IL (1988)

I was definitely born with style and a love for the camera. It almost seems innate that I knew how to do a couture pose at age 5. Go figure that I'd grow up being in the media, and a stylista. That's me: winning style contests and setting trends.

Early on, I placed women on a pedestal and seemed to align myself with them. I think the first time I realized I was "different" was in kindergarten.

I would play house with the girls in my class, and we'd debate as to who would be the housewife, and who would be the husband. Even then, I was just trying to break gender stereotypes.

The first time I knew I was attracted to men was in 5th grade, while holding one of my male classmates legs as he did sit-ups in gym class.


I sat fixated, watching his shirt crawl up his chest as he thrust up and down.
I did, however, have a crush on Alyssa Milano from “Who's the Boss." Although, from what I hear, most gay men my age did and still do. She’s fierce!

Pop culture always played a major role in my life then. I watched "Labyrinth" almost daily and idolized Wham and The Eurythmics. I didn’t care for the typical "boy" toys and would sneak into my sisters' room to play with their Barbies.

Being effeminate did cause me to get picked on sporadically. But I had a single mom and two older sisters who constantly instilled in me, that the only person I could be was me. God made me and He doesn't make mistakes.

With that knowledge, I was able to build a great collection of steadfast friends, and find my voice. Ever since, I've devoted my time and career to helping others find theirs; by lending an empathetic ear or through my dating/advice column, "Fire Down Below."

For those of you who may not have a great support system, or wonder if things will get better? Trust me: There's a whole cornucopia out there to explore.
And plenty of people ready to love and accept you for exactly who you are.

It's a pretty amazing journey. Honest.

Erik's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Travolta (in "Look Who's Talking")
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