Felix

Felix, age 5

Upstate, New York (1960)

This is a picture of me and Skeezix, my first dog.

I don't remember having any celebrity crushes at any time. Joan of Arc isn't exactly a celebrity?

But I'd say I had some role models: JFK, James Dean, Superman, Huck Finn, Robinson Crusoe, and Maynard G. Krebs.

I wish we had Rachel Maddow back then.

I had an instinctive dislike for Chuck Connors. I'd beg to stay up late, just to catch his humiliating toss from the Fort. His sword broken, buttons torn off and spat on.


I was quite sure I was different by the time I was 7 or 8, when the "birds and bees" story circulated the playground.

My first reaction was to suggest to my "best friend" a position I replicated with my hands. I made a peace sign with both hands, and connected each hand between the two fingers, aka a scissor sister.

And I said, "Well, couldn't we just.....?"
Her reaction made it quite clear, "No. We can not"

Later in life, I was lucky enough to come of age in the San Francisco area in the early 1970's. Now, I've found a role model called "Hothead Paisan" in a great comic book by Diane DiMassa. Wanna know what an angry dyke thinks like?

Thanks for this blog. I hope it gives some people faith to just be who they are.
And to fight for feminism. Remember, your gender is NOT determined by your sex.

Now go get out, and save the world.

PS:
Please describe me as a "gay woman" (though I am a lezzy). We are being written out of the word GAY, in the name of inclusiveness! We say "gay and lesbian" - as if a lesbian is not gay. Dogs aren't cats, right? Please think of this in terms of how the debate is framed. And thank you, again.
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Mark

Mark, age 8

Houston, TX (1967)

I grew up with a conservative, though not religious, Texas family. When I was 7, my mother caught me with a neighbor boy in my pup tent in our backyard one afternoon. We were unclothed and in full glory.  Awkward!

Afterward, my mother asked me about it. I don’t recall my answer, but clearly understood that she was quite concerned.

My mother never told my dad about that incident.

As far as I was concerned, what I was doing was totally natural. But I realized that I had to hide my activities.

I experimented with a string of neighbor boys until I was 14.
At that point, I realized I might get caught by the wrong person.

I had no idea I was gay yet. In my environment there was simply no word for it.

I wasn't effeminate, but was always small for my age. Perhaps the only reason I was never beaten up was because I loved masculine energy.


I played Army, built forts, often played in the mud, went skinny-dipping with friends, was an avid Cub and Boy Scout, and even a US Marine.

On the outside I was the quintessential boy, and enjoyed regular boy activities. Yet inside, something was always missing. What was missing, was coming out and acknowledging I was gay.

When my blond, attractive girlfriend failed to "make the gay go away" when I was 23, I dropped the pretense (and her), and went to a gay bar. I discovered it quite by accident, and it was located only a few blocks from where I lived at the time. I was out with a vengeance and rapidly made up for lost time.

After a couple of failed attempts at relationship building, I found my man.
We've been together since 1988, and got married in California 20 years later.

I opened up to my creative self and I'm a published novelist now, too.
And I love our gay life together here in Chicago.

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (in "James At 15")
We're the same age, and I devoured everything I could find with him in it.
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Colin

Colin, age 4

Dayton, OH (1964)

I'm the the youngest of 7 children, in an Irish Catholic family in Dayton Ohio. As far back as I can remember, my mother made sure that I knew I was special.

I can remember the day of this picture very clearly. I had dressed up all by myself upstairs, and was so proud of it, I descended the stairs to show the family.

Don't mistake the look on my face for sadness. It was more just disappointment at my family's initial reaction, when they first saw me coming down the stairs.

I was looking for admiration or awe at the "ensemble" I'd created out of diverse items I'd found in a closet.

My family laughed and took this picture. But I remember feeling like royalty,
as I descended down those stairs.

This picture now rests on our mantle, next to a childhood picture of my husband. His photo is from when he was around 6-years old. In it, he's holding a can of worms for fishing, and he looks so happy.

I guess the old saying that "opposites attract" holds true.
And we have been together for over 28 years now.

My message to all is:

Never, ever let anyone make you feel less than the wonderfully special human being that you are! You are FABULOUS!

Dain

Dain, age 4

Akron, OH (1967)

I love this photo. I'm the "nurse" on the right. I have carefully tended to my soldier-brother's wounds, and then we proudly posed for a photo in front of the ugliest couch in the world.

I knew I was different from a very early age. I loved drawing and dolls and imagination games and reading.

My brother loved sports, and being particularly loud. And also, it seems, wearing bowling shoes.

My incredible parents let us each be exactly who were were, and they were clearly willing to document it! 

Being surrounded by love and support, I have grown to be a very happy, successful gay man.

I'm blessed.

Enzo

Enzo, age 2

Baltimore, Maryland (1967)

This photo was taken behind my grandmother's townhouse in East Baltimore. Obviously, I saw women pose this way for photos, and just assumed I was supposed to do the same thing.  I don't think I had a sense of femininity yet, clearly from what I'm doing with my mouth!

We were a big Sicilian family and my relatives lived across the street. When I was 3, we moved to rural Michigan and my life turned to hell.

But I always spent summers on that same block, and it was my world, my own Sesame Street.

An Uncle of mine died just before I was born, and he was all anyone spoke about.


He'd become a fairly famous songwriter, and I knew at 3 he was gay. Or rather, that he was like me, but I had no idea it had anything to do with sex. 

I was aware of gay men whenever I saw them, because they were nothing like my uncles. They didn't have women telling them what to do, and they were fun to be around. And they'd ALL been to Europe, or said they had. That was all I wanted out of life, and I wrote an essay in 2nd grade about how I wanted to be "queer" when I grew up.

Queer was the only word I knew for it, and had no idea it would be a problem. But when I read the essay in class, my mom was called into school. If anything,
I thought gays were superior. But I also knew stupid people made fun of them.

Looking at this photo now reminds me that as a child, men seemed peripheral and irrelevant. They were always somewhere else, doing something that didn't seem to matter much.

TV was the same: Men worked in suits and were boring and tried to hold back. The women were clearly smarter and more clever in every way.

Thus, I identified with women (and later gay men) as being the road to my independence. Even today I am still uncomfortable in all-homogenous groups, especially all-gay or all-white. 

Currently, I've been married almost 12 years. And I write & perform plays about my background. And today's kids seem to relate more than people my own age.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Sam

Sam, age 8

Laramie, WY (1963)

Here I am in my Cha Cha costume with my partner at a talent show. We won 1st Place! And this pose has seemed to follow me throughout my life in photos!

My mother started me in dance lessons, and I was the only boy in the class. I never thought anything about it, and I got along with all of the girls fabulously.

I knew around age 7 that I was different, and liked boys. Seeing them in the locker room after Phys Ed class confirmed it.

I enjoyed being in the swimming pool locker rooms, and watching all of the older boys and men change in and out of their swimsuits.



This photo still reminds me of how I was always posing crazy, wearing costumes, or dressing up for photos. I loved twirling around the living room in a long, ruffled hot-pink gown my mom had for dress up!

I enjoyed the "Mickey Mouse Club" on TV, and was attracted to muscle-bound, good looking boys and men of that era, like gladiators, Hercules, and Tarzan.

Later on in high school, I enjoyed the cute boys on "The Brady Bunch," "Flipper," "Batman," and "Leave It To Beaver."

To the young kids of today who are realizing they are 'different' or gay:
I say embrace it, and love yourself.

I was bullied in school since I wasn't a jock or didn't play sports. However, things turned out fine, and I'm living life as a happy gay adult. Actually, I think it's easier today to be a young gay person, as society is more aware and educated about what it is to be gay.

And as RuPaul puts it:
"If you can't love yourself, then how the hell you gonna love somebody else?
Can I get an AMEN?!"

Sam's first, famous-person same sex crush:

George Reeves (as TV's "Superman")
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Mark

Mark, age 4
Adrian, Missouri (1964)

Childhood memories consist of playing Barbies with the girl across the street, making dresses for my favorite teddybear, and dressing in my grandmother's evening gown. Oh, and sipping champagne (7-UP) from stemware. I did "boy" things too, but these are the things that I remember most.

"Here I am in my pink jeep that I received for Christmas that year. 

Really? Was there any hope for me after that?"

It must have been around the 6th grade I realized that I was attracted to men, but I didn't think much about it. Then, during a band competition during High School, a guy from a neighboring school slipped me a note saying I was cute, and he wanted to meet up with me. But I never did, because I was too embarrassed. But, it did make me realize there were others like me.

College brought on the first boyfriend and everything that goes along with it.
And wow! All I can say is that it just felt natural and good.

Later, after seeing many friends disowned by their family for being gay, I came to realize just how lucky I was. I have a family that loves and accepts not only me, but my partner(s) too. I know it hasn't been easy for them, but I appreciate their love and support.

Currently, my partner Todd and I just recently celebrated our 10th Anniversary, surrounded by both of our families and many friends. And life is good!

I never had to hide who I was to get through life, and my message to others is:

Always surround yourself with those that love and respect you, so that you can let your true self shine through. Everyone has something to offer, and nobody should have to be someone they're not, just to survive in this world.

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Mark Goddard (Lt. West on "Lost In Space")
Robert Conrad (in "The Wild Wild West")
I fondly remember a lot of "crotch watching" of their tight costume pants.
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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John

John, age 4

Flushing Meadow Park, New York (1965)

That's me in the front with my two older brothers at the 1964-65 New York World's Fair. My father was the manager of the General Motors Futurama exhibit, and we would spend every other weekend visiting the fair.

Even barely 4-years old, I can remember being obsessed with those sunglasses.

My father told me it was bad for my eyes to wear sunglasses indoors. Otherwise, I would have worn them all the time.

I suppose this picture reminds me that I have always been a bit different.


I became aware of my attraction to boys my own age around 11, but I didn't really start coming out to friends or family until I was 20; no one was surprised.

And I was lucky, because only one friend had trouble with my coming out, and he got over it. Both my brothers, my parents, and my family were (and are) supportive of who I am. And being gay is just one of the things I am.

I'm 49 now and live in San Francisco. My life is not perfect, but I am mostly happy. And I have friends - many who are gay, and many who are not - and they all know who I am.

Of all the challenges of my life, being gay hasn't been a problem. I think if anything, being gay has turned out to be a positive thing. Growing up different means having to discover yourself in ways that 'normal' people don't.

I was born this way, and I'm happy with who I am.

And, you will find that being who you are is part of being happy.

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Guy Williams (the dad on "Lost In Space")
I think I became fascinated with him watching re-runs of the show.
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Cathy

Cathy, age 4
Burlington, Ontario, Canada (1967)

I initially thought I was pretending to be a pilot here, but my mum thought
I was pretending to be a racecar driver. Then, it dawned on me: Speed Racer!
I was pretending to be Speed Racer, one of my favorite cartoons as a kid. I loved action/adventure stories, and it always struck me that boys always had way more to do than the girls. And had way more, fun both on TV and in real life. When I played dress-up with siblings or friends, I'd play a boy – and had a blast.

I came out as a lesbian when I was 25, after a drawn-out period of internal exploration and a lot of diary notes. I was in my 3rd year at theater school, and my good friend Tom (the only out gay person in my class at the time), was there to support me. Tom took me to my first lesbian bar, which was a scary and exciting experience. And I was there for him as he lived with his HIV diagnosis and, a short time later, full-blown AIDS.

There are two names inked in a memorial banner around a Sacred Heart tattoo on my left bicep: Tom and Mima (my maternal grandmother, who I gave that nickname). Tom for his love and support with my coming to terms with who
I was, and Mima for her unconditional love and encouragement for what I wanted to do with my life: being a grown-up playing dress-up, as an actor.

My Mima always supported my choice to pursue the arts, and died before I came out to my extended family. But I think she would have been okay with that too.

This is my favorite photo of myself. It reminds me of the joy, imagination, and fearlessness at the core of my being. And, how these moments are often forgotten or set aside, in the workaday "grown-up" world.

I endeavor to not forget. I strive to be my whole self. So be fearless – be yourself.

Cathy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Julie Andrews (in "The Sound of Music ")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Paul

Paul, age 2

Fort Worth, TX (1969)

Here I am at age 2. I don't have a significant number of memories from this time, but don't I look great? The pink balloon and the Hollywood shades say it all. While I grew up in a city, my family had ties to ranching and farming, and I did not enjoy the "man's work" that was involved on the ranch that much.

While I didn't mind shooting a gun and fishing, I did not enjoy digging post holes. My "moment of knowing" I was different was probably watching game shows with my mom. Paul Lynde ("Hollywood Squares") and Charles Nelson-Reilly ("Match Game") always made my mom and I laugh. It was sort of a secret we shared, because my dad and brother never really got that humor.

My first same-sex crush was probably Shaun Cassidy on "The Hardy Boys" TV show. And now that I think about it, I think I liked Parker Stevenson more. But Shaun had that album with "Da Doo Ron Ron," and I played it over and over, singing into a hairbrush the whole time.

As for a message to young kids now, whether gay or not, my advice would be:

Live your own life.

It's tough sometimes for everyone. Gay kids aren't the only ones with rough times. We're at a time in history of telling straight kids to understand how tough life is for gay kids - but like so much else in life, it's a two-way street.

Those straight kids may be going through some pretty rough times, too. While I'm not religious now, I like the the part of the prayer of St. Francis which says, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". Another great quote is from a bumper sticker: "Prejudice rarely survives experience."

Gay kids: reach out to your straight classmates and help them through a tough time. I promise, they will be there for you when it's your turn.

PS: I'm really thankful for whoever took this picture, and that it survived!

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Parker Stevenson & Shaun Cassidy ("The Hardy Boys")
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Christopher

Christopher, age 18 months

Detroit, Michigan (1966)

I didn't come out to myself or anyone else until 7 years ago, just before my 40th birthday. But, I always knew I was different from even a very early age.

"You look fabulous!"

I posted this photo on a blog where I wrote about my coming out, and a friend called and asked me, "Who’s the little girl on your blog…?"

I was totally confused: 'I don’t know what you're talking about, there's no little girl on my blog.' My friend kept on about it until I went and looked, and realized he was talking about me in this pic.

I had to laugh as my friend pointed out to me, "You’ve clearly always been gay. Just look at that picture!" He mentioned that I was playing with a very pink poodle and a kitty cat. And dressed in a handsome/pretty yellow pastel outfit, with shorts that were so short and tight, you can clearly see my little package.

And it made me wonder: Did my mom and dad see this in me at this early age, yet I would take decades to acknowledge it myself?

My parents indulged and embraced my uniqueness. When I wanted a baby doll, I got one. And I loved and cared for him, and even dressed him in the same outfit I'm wearing in the photo. And I still have him. 

In junior high, I took home economics instead of shop. And though my dad wasn't happy about it, he reluctantly bought me the supplies I needed for my first sewing project. By 13, my mom turned the kitchen over to me and encouraged me to pursue my love of cooking as a career. I later became a pastry chef.

Although my journey was also filled with many dark and depressing days, when my being "different" made life difficult, I've come to love this photo of me.

It reminds me that I am as I was meant to be. I was born this way.

Christopher's first, famous-person same sex crush:

James MacArthur (on "Hawaii Five-O ")
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