Dean

Dean, age 4
Hollywood, Florida (1975)

This picture was taken on Halloween when I was in kindergarten. My sister was 10-years old when I was born, and had always wanted a baby sister. Having two brothers already, my sister had her heart set that I was going to be a girl.

On my birthdate, my mom sent my three siblings off to school, and said that when they got home, they would have a new baby brother or a baby sister.

Well, you can imagine my sister's devastation! It wasn't long before my sister realized that I fit into her dolls' clothing, and she could make me the little sister she always wanted!

I knew I was gay around age 5 or 6.
I remember staring at my sister's boyfriend's Speedo at the water park,
and just knowing that I was different.

At times I thought my life would've been easier if I had been born a girl.

Back in the 1970's, I think the majority of us grew up in an "Archie Bunker" like atmosphere. As for my parents, they were never afraid of using the N word, and were not shy about talking about "the Queers" that lived on the next block.

I remember cringing every time they would start to talk about them, knowing that one day my truth had to come out. That, or I was going to have to run away from home to a place like Pleasure Island from "Pinocchio."

I live in Hollywood, CA now and work as a very successful makeup artist. I've worked on people like Beyonce, Lady Gaga, and Mariah Carey to just name a few. And I am living the life I always dreamed of! I look back on the small stuff now and laugh, because I remember it seeming to be so all-consuming.

For the LGBTQ youth of today, I say:
Follow your dreams and don't change who you are!
Life does get better. It gets as good as you want it to!

Dean's first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Schneider ("Dukes of Hazzard")
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Timothy

Timothy, age 8
Tulsa, OK (1973)

My road to acceptance was a long one. First of all, know that my father was super masculine major league baseball player Jim Beauchamp, so I had to be his worst nightmare. It took him awhile to get used to the fact he didn't really have two boys and a girl, but one that was sort of "in between." Check the hand on my hip...

I knew I was gay from the first time I ever heard the word.

When I heard my older brother describing me as "gay" and "sissy," I thought to myself,
"Yep... that's me!"

I really struggled with acceptance of my gender identity up until the age where I hit puberty.

And there was something about that testosterone burst that pushed me over the edge and made me glad to be a guy.

Up until then I was destined for gender reassignment surgery.

I can't remember ever asking for gender appropriate toys, or developing normal friendships with boys. I used to blackmail my sister to get her to ask for the toys
I wanted by threatening, "All right, Ann Rene, I'm squealing if you don't ask for Barbie's Malibu Beach House for Christmas!"

Christmas would come and I would tear through my footballs, baseballs and other sports equipment. But then, I'd join my sister in frantically opening her presents, and we would SCREAM, HUG EACH OTHER, and JUMP WITH DELIGHT at the sight of a new Easy Bake Oven or Barbie's 747 Jumbo Jet.

Every now and then I'd steal a glance at my father slumped in his chair with his, "What did I do wrong? This can't be happening!" look on his face. Poor guy...

And my message to young LGBTQ kids is BE WHO YOU ARE!
You are our future, and we love you just the way you are.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Nikki

Nikki, age 7
Wheeling, W. Virginia (1979)

I grew up in a Catholic household in West Virginia. I attended Catholic school for 12 years and never heard anyone talk about being gay until I was in high school. Of course, when I did hear these comments, they were not positive.

I think that I always knew that I was different than the other girls in my neighborhood and school. At that time, I had short hair and was into sports, more than any of my friends.

I resisted wearing dresses or anything girly. I spent my time hanging out with the boys in the neighborhood, playing tackle football, instead of playing house with the girls.

I remember once, right around age 7, telling one of my friends in the neighborhood that I was really a boy, but that we just told people that I was a girl.

I remember that the one thing she said was, "But then you won't be able to have babies!" I didn't really care about having babies, so I just shrugged my shoulders. But she was really upset about it.

She told her mom what I had told her. Her mom, of course, told my mom and
I got in trouble for lying. Looking back now, I know that I didn't really want to
be a boy. What I wanted was what boys could have: relationships with girls.

Today, I am completely out to my family and they have been very supportive.
I am also out at work and have some great, supportive co-workers.

What I would tell the youth of today, is to find people who will support you and
let you be yourself. Life is amazing when you can finally be yourself!

Nikki's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Nancy McKeon (Jo on "The Facts of Life")
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Kellie

Kellie, age 4
Ector, TX (1973)

When I was little, I often wondered how long it would be until I was big enough to drive that tractor. That day I was obviously too little, so I played on it and sang "Delta Dawn" by Helen Reddy. I don't remember doing it, but I know that is the song, because my lovely mother noted it on the back of the picture.

When I was in 2nd grade my teacher called my parents in and told them she thought I was gay. I suppose I was posturing in a way that was too masculine for her liking. I never knew of this accusation, or even what "gay" was at that time. But when I came out in my mid 20's, my mother told me about it.

I had frequent crushes on girls - sometimes my best friend, but not always - mainly starting in high school. I had 3 different boyfriends then and into college, but they just served the purpose of someone to go to events and dances with.

I kept my sexuality under tight wraps until I was in graduate school. The only hard part about coming out was watching my parents cry. And cry, they did.
But they came around a few months later.

Today, I am a completely out gay in a smallish town in Texas. I've been called a dyke on a few dozen occasions. "That's Dr. Dyke to you," I respond, with a smile. I love being gay, and I can't begin to imagine being any other way.

When I look at this photo now, I think about how big that tractor seemed to me back then. As a grown-up, on occasion, I drive much bigger tractors than this.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Drew

Drew, age 6
Pleasant, PA (1970)

I clearly remember when I was very young, I saw a TV toothpaste commercial, showing a mom, dad, and kids who had no cavities by brushing with Crest. Watching that commercial, I knew in my heart my life would be nothing like that. In other words, a life with no wife, and no kids.

It was scary, because I had no idea what was waiting for me instead. That, in essence, was the story of my childhood. I couldn't imagine what
I was going to grow up to become.

So I read every book I could get my hands on, hoping to find any possible way for me to become a man.

Our mom died just before I turned 4.
But lucky for me, I had a sister, 13-years my senior. She was a gorgeous hippie chick in her mid-20's, with tons of men chasing her.

Every Friday night, she took me out roller skating or to the movies. She was the first person who I came out to at age 17, even though I didn't mean to do that.

She made a point of introducing me to friends of hers who were gay and lesbian. And they were balanced, happy, loved, and loving adults. Slowly, I came to understand that there was, or there would be, a place for me in the adult world.

Today, I live in the California desert with the man I love and our two dogs.
I've had an amazing and wonderful life, and I'm sure that there is more to come.

Alas, though: Despite all the brushing and flossing I do, I have never once in my life gone to the dentist and been free of a cavity.

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Beverly

Beverly, age 9
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (1970)

That's me on the left with my niece Denise, playing our favorite game of "house," which we called “Billy." Of course, I was ALWAYS Billy - the protector and the adventurer. As long as I can remember, I enjoyed dressing up, and pretending to be someone other than myself.

I was equally comfortable pretending to be a rock 'n roll singer in a band, or donning a costume as a bit part in a dinner-theater type show.

I was raised as an only child and was very involved in theater. I felt most comfortable and happy around actors, although my parents were very leery, referring to many of them as "queer."

Although I knew perfectly well what they meant, I never let on, as I was afraid they wouldn't let me associate with them.


As a heavy child, I was called a "lezzy" well before I even knew what it meant. While I suppose I always knew I was attracted to women at some level, I felt I had to act or dress up like a boy (and PRETEND to be a boy) to get away with it.

While I look fairly butch here, I later preferred being rather androgynous. And I ended up being a very late bloomer, not coming out until I was in grad school.

I refer to that realization as my Technicolor moment, like when Dorothy opens up the door to Oz to find her drab black and white world has become full of color.

Today, my partner and I have 6 adopted children.

And our kids have no problems having two "mommies." As a matter of fact, my youngest asked me to accompany her to a father-daughter dance recently, and I even got to wear a dress!

Beverly's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Jennifer Beals (in "Flashdance")
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

David

David, age 9
Longview, TX (1978)

"Grease" was the word back then, and I was no exception. Seeing John Travolta on the big screen gave me a funny feeling in my nether regions. And I knew then that something was different from the other boys who had the same reaction, except over Olivia Newton-John.

I believe I wore this T-shirt out.
It basically fell apart, and still I fought my mom to keep it.

The music of the day was, yes, disco, and I loved it: "Knock On Wood,"
"Le Freak," "Heart of Glass" etc.

I even had my very own polyester Hustle suit, performing "Do The Hustle" to anyone who'd watch.

It's no wonder I was picked on, since
I would wear my suit to school and dance The Hustle there as well.


Growing up in a small town isn't unique. Yet I felt the brunt of being different more, because I'd been molested during this time. In this photo, I see the David who trusted everyone. And a boy with deep sadness behind those smiling eyes.

My experiences as a young gay boy in a small - and small-minded - town were typical: extreme bullying from both boys and girls. Now that I can look back,
I still see the looks on the faces of those who were fearful of what I represented.

But now, I also see the fear in their eyes. They're the product of parents who were ignorant, and it trickled down to their children.

Life has been kind to me through the years, so I can, with ease, forgive those trespasses against me. And I am more able to love and receive love, because of the tough experiences that I thought would never to end.

But they most certainly do end, and life gets so much more rich as one matures.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

Sandy

Sandy, age 10
Etiwanda, CA (1979)

I was always a "tomboy" growing up. My parents allowed me to participate in team sports, which was rare for girls during the 1970's. The organization I played for was called Miss Softball America, and they wouldn't allow girls to wear sliding pants. So we had to wear these mini skirt/shorts combinations.

I grew up loving softball and was the only freshman on the Varsity team in high school.

I started getting crushes on girls that I played softball with when I was around 8-years old. Of course,
I didn't think of them as crushes.
I just thought I was normal and that everyone felt as intensely towards their friends as I did.

My family was ultra conservative and religious, so I don't even remember hearing the word, "lesbian" until I got older.

I was never really interested in boys, but had some boyfriends growing up. Usually those boys liked me, because I could play ball with them.

Even in high school while my friends were going boy crazy, I was too busy writing poetry for my female friends. I still didn't think of myself as a lesbian.

It wasn't until I moved out on my own that I discovered my sexuality. The first time I kissed a woman, I finally understood why I had never felt passionate about a man before. It was a completely different experience, and it felt totally normal. My childhood of crushing on girls finally made sense!

That was many years ago, and I have never felt ashamed or wrong. And I have to laugh when I see people saying homosexuality is a "learned behavior."

I was totally and completely exposed only to heterosexuality as a kid - and I still came out gay. And I'm still playing softball today. Now at age 41, I'm loving my life as an out and proud lesbian.

Sandy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Sharon Gless (on "Cagney & Lacey")
Dana Delany (on "China Beach")
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"