Paul

Paul, age 4

Grove City, Ohio (1984)

My childhood dream was to be Snow White. Although I couldn't whistle, I regaled everyone with my version of "Whistle While You Work," and raised some eyebrows waltzing through the house singing "Someday My Prince Will Come."

I also started channeling my creative energy into another outlet: drawing. My parents sought the mentoring of a local artist, who took me under her wing when I was 4, and she taught me that anything I imagined could come to life on canvas.

Soon, every wall in our house was covered with oil-painted tributes to my favorite heroines. I then decided that I didn’t want to be Snow White when I grew up. I wanted to be an artist.

I'm grateful I had a mentor who cared enough to fuel this creative flame, because the other flaming aspects of my personality presented problems at school.

Boys with high-pitched voices - whose approach to running laps in gym class could be described as "prancing" - didn’t fare well. I learned that in order to survive, I had to conceal those aspects of my personality that made me different.

I wasn't able to describe what I was covering up as "gay" yet, though. That realization didn’t fully hit me until right after college. Still, I knew there was something inside me that needed to be squelched, or it would ruin everything.

Fortunately, this is a fairy tale with a happy ending.

I found my way out of the dark, enchanted forest to a place of self-acceptance.
I even found my own handsome prince, and our life together is as close to "happily ever after" as I can imagine, this side of the Magic Kingdom

I've also continued pursuing my dream to be an artist. My paintings that explore my journey out of the closet are displayed in galleries across the country.

Art was my salvation during the most difficult parts of my childhood, and I encourage others who struggle with similar issues to find a way to creatively express themselves.

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Prince Charming ("Snow White")
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Lisa

Lisa, age 8

Mesa, AZ (1993)

When I look at this picture, it sparks many awkward, depressing memories of never fitting in with my perfect happy friends, and my strict Mormon family. Just a few months before this, I had long hair and I convinced my mother to let me cut it short. Although I look back now and see my desire to have such short hair as an obvious foreshadowing of the future, at the time it traumatized me.
Since then, I've vowed to make myself look as girly as possible.

"God doesn't make mistakes."

I have vague memories of "experimenting" with my best friend Ashlee in 4th grade. It was all innocent at the time, but looking back, I think about the feelings it gave me and how much I loved it.

The first time I remember having a crush on a girl was at age 13. I'd doodled on a piece of paper about loving her, and my sister told my mom.

When confronted about it, I said:

'Nooo! I don't love her like THAT, just as a friend!'

That was when I realized I was different, and there was something about me that I was suppose to be ashamed of.

I soon moved myself slowly back into the closet, locking the door from the inside. Shortly after that I learned the word "Lesbian" from my brother.

It has been a long, treacherous road coming to terms with being not only gay, but gay AND Mormon. It used to break my heart to be different, and I cried so many nights asking God to change me.

But now I thank him for making me the person that I am, because I love who I am. And it DOES get better, no matter how hopeless or alone you feel. I promise.

I've been blessed with an amazing family that loves me and supports me, no matter what. Although being gay and Mormon is hard, when I start to feel sad,
I hear a voice inside my head saying, "God doesn't make mistakes."

And I feel content.

Lisa's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Whoopi Goldberg (in "Boys On The Side")

Janeane Garafalo (in "Mystery Men" & "The Matchmaker")

Anna Chlumsky (in "Gold Diggers: The Secret of Bear Mountain")

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Ed

Ed, age 2

Peoria, IL (1962)

This photo was taken when I was just shy of 2, and shows a happy boy who just won't stop being happy. That's why I like this photo so much – it shows my spirit that won’t quit. The plaid jumper is pretty hot, too!

One of the challenges for me growing up was asserting my individuality. My parents were (and still are, to an extent) more concerned about how things look, rather than being authentic.

One of my earliest memories was in 2nd grade; I wanted to play the flute and quickly found out that boys don't play the flute. I learned to be quiet and just do what I was told.

But I always knew my inner feelings were somehow different than what was expected.


The first time I remember these feelings as being gay was when I was 11.
I wanted to be with my best friend at the time. There was something about being around him that just felt really good. I also remember how devastated I was when he moved away that summer. I missed him so much I cried, but knew that I couldn't tell anyone why I was crying.

That's also when I also remember being really attracted to Peter on "The Brady Bunch." Greg was too old and Bobby was too young - but Peter was just right!

After a long drawn out process, I finally came out to myself in college and realized I needed to be far away from home to really be my true self. Coming out to my family was incredibly painful; my father said he wouldn’t drink out of the same glass as me because I'm gay (this was the early 80’s). He’s mellowed a bit since, but we aren’t that close. I wish we were closer.

Somehow, I've kept seeing that happy kid inside myself, and that kept me going. And my life now is wonderful!  I'm in a 20+ year relationship, and I started my own business because I realized my true calling is to make my own box, rather than be in someone else's!

Be your authentic self.

Ed's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Knight (Peter Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
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Jerrod

Jerrod, age 5

Little Rock, AR (1983)

My female cousin received a makeup kit for Christmas, and I was blown away by the possibilities. I KNEW red was my color, and nothing matches red lipstick better than red blush (which was also the lipstick). We had a blast until our parents saw us. They waited long enough to take a photo before yelling at us and making me take the makeup off. I complied, but felt guilty. Why was it OK for my cousin, but not me?

"Strike a pose"

I knew I liked men at age 4. I got a birthday gift in Batman and Robin wrapping paper and I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Robin’s legs. I didn’t know what I felt, but that didn’t matter - his legs were hot.

When I came out at age 15, my parents were shocked. I thought the whole world knew. Growing up gay for me was not the struggle it was for many. I never got beat up, but I was scared a lot. My experiences in school led me to my current career as an administrator in a high school. I taught for a number of years, but wanted to reach out to more kids.

As a school administrator, I can affect thousands of children throughout my career, and let each one know that they are unique, and they are loved. And that even if it's just me, they have an adult on their side who will do everything within his power to protect him or her.

Jason

Jason, age 3

Bangkok, Thailand (1992)

When I was in 1st grade, my best friend stopped talking to me, and I confronted her. She told me, with the most confused and sad look on her face, that she thought I was a girl that entire time. Rumors then spread that I was a girl, and the bullies ganged up on me, trapping me at the playground one day. I cried and cried until I thought of the only solution to fix the situation: I pulled down my pants and showed them. And from that day on, I became "one of the boys."

I always loved to dress up and take pictures. As you can see, I had a thing for being a sailor. And I really credit my mother for my fabulosity.

I remember shopping every single day with her, and she'd let me carry the shopping bags. I also credit my biceps from an early age, thanks to all those bags.

From a young age, I already knew about the holy designers my mother fashioned; her Fendi mini-dress, Chanel bag, and heels.

Everyone knew about me, but no one said a thing. My family loved to twist stories, saying stuff like I'm a pimp with lots of girlfriends, as I always hung out with girls.

One day at the school cafeteria, a friend who I came out to accidentally replied loudly, "BUT YOU'RE GAY!" to something we were talking about. At first I was shocked and angry, and silence filled the room. But soon it began to stir up again, as no one was surprised - at all.

Although I was always accepted and even admired, I never felt truly free until I moved to New York for college. I ate Chinese food that first night and my fortune cookie said: 'May the rainbow always touch your shoulder.' I smiled and just knew this was right.

My advice to kids today is:

Everyone - gay, bi, or straight - is just as unique, weird, and beautiful as you.
So, be weird together.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David Beckham (soccer player)

I had his pictures all over my closet door, and always wore his number jersey.
I hated soccer and any other type of sports, but my parents never suspected.
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Lewis

Lewis, age 10

Marl, Germany (1977)

I went to school in the 4th grade, dressed for what we call in Germany Fasching - our colorful and fun Carnival. I was in love with that silly, curly, big platinum white wig at the local trinket store. I used to walk by it every day after school and stare at it, and eventually bought it with my birthday money. The rest of the outfit I borrowed from mom. I remember I loved my painted nails – and look at how delicately I hold that corn on the cob.

Little did I realize, that years later I would fall in love with a woman named Dolly Parton. And I'm sure I would have stuffed my bra to complete the look, too.

In Germany, I was just an odd kid. There was a time they would tease me by calling me "Louise" but it faded quickly, and it didn't play much into our friendships. I always played with boys and girls, even during puberty.

But it was my own sense of worth I struggled with, more a result of our broken family dynamic than the other kids around me. Much of Europe treats sexuality as a part of life, and it's not demonized in the way America struggles with it.

Moving to the US during high school changed everything. American high school was aggressive. The kids made sure you knew there was something wrong with you, and then you try and change to fit in. Like carrying your books the right way down the hall. Until one day you wake up and realize:

'Maybe I was born this way. Maybe it is how I am meant to be.
Maybe I’m fine just the way I am.'

I read a quote recently by Dr. Mae Jemison that sums up how I feel these days:
"The best way to make dreams come true is ‘to wake up’. Don’t let others define you or limit where your imagination can take you."

So go paint your nails, little boys - because you have galaxies at your fingertips!

Lewis' first, famous-person same sex crush:
John Travolta
In his tight, little black underwear, combing his hair in 'Saturday Night Fever'
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Joshua

Joshua, age 4

Las Vegas, New Mexico (1988)

This is me and my sister Jay, herself a lesbian. Growing up, I was the youngest of 4 kids from a single mother. My mom was a hairstylist, who encouraged us to be ourselves. I was always the loner kid with the heart of gold, and I liked talking to her customers in her hair salon.

When I turned 4, my mom got me a brunette Barbie (the closest they had to a "Latina" doll at the time) in a red Corvette car, and I was in love. I'll mention that I'm the one who requested Barbie. Back then, I watched Jem, Rainbow Brite, and loved My Little Pony. When my sister and I went to McDonalds and got the boy and girl Happy Meal toys, we would trade them.

Growing up in a city of 15,000 people, but whose name signifies shiny objects such as Las Vegas, I was very different and didn't have many friends. I read a lot, and took pottery, gymnastics, tap-dancing, and acting classes.

I remember one birthday party when I was 9, and not one person attended it.
At that young age, I realized I was different, and that everyone knew it about me. And, I understood what it meant for the other kids to feel "guilt by association." When I got older, into middle and high school, I was bullied tremendously. I'd try to get through classes unnoticed, where a good day would mean not being picked on 5 separate times.

I have always been different, and that just was it. I don't remember questioning why I was gay then, and never pegged it as being gay - just different. Maybe if I'd grown up in a household with more masculine influences, or if my mom wasn't so accepting, I would have payed more attention to my traits.

But my family encouraged me to be myself, and do the things that made me learn, grow, and smile. My mom never tried to lean me towards masculine traits nor feminine, she just wanted me to be happy.

And I've learned that those differences just never really mattered.
Because in retrospect, I know I was truly was BORN THIS WAY! :-)

Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ricky Martin
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Pierre

Pierre, age 5

Quebec, Canada (1977)

This picture was taken inside our cabin in St. Donat, Quebec. It was Christmas morning, and I'd just woken up, very excited to get all my gifts.

I sat down beside the fireplace, and my mother couldn't believe my pose! LOL! She asked me not to move, and she took the shot.

I remember starting to feel different around 7 or 8-years old. I just wasn't interested in the same things the other boys my age were.

I'm now 39, and fully enjoy my life. I have amazing parents that always showed me how to be a great person, and to embrace whatever makes us different.

Lori

Lori, age 9

Cedar Falls, IA (1970)

This is me and my friend Ken, ready for war - well before we ended up in an epic real brawl as we walked home from school one day, which ended our friendship.

For me - despite the leopard pants my grandma made me - wearing jeans and sneakers while running into town was who I was.

I hung out with all the boys, playing Bart Starr to my friend Jon's Donny Anderson, from the Green Bay Packers. Or playing a Knight of the Round Table using metal garbage can lids and cardboard swords.

And beating up anyone who dared pick on my sister.

I used to race the boys' Stingray bikes my dad built all over town, with my little AM radio slung over the handlebars, as I listened to the Rolling Stones and Jefferson Airplane.

Darkness would fall and I'd race home, compelled to be on time to watch Elizabeth Montgomery in "Bewitched," whom I loved on an epic scale. 

One of my fondest memories is the day my dad gave me a bright and shiny new baseball bat and ball for my birthday. It's a memory which he probably assigned as the pivotal moment he still had some control to do things differently, and not end up with a lesbian daughter.

Fortunately, I had parents who did not force me into dresses, except as decorum required, such as church on Easter. I’m forever grateful I got to be essentially who I was in those days gone by.

I wonder what might have been, had puberty not interfered with the innocence of pure joy I experienced as a 9-year-old dyke.

Lori's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elizabeth Montgomery ("Bewitched")

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Jim

Jim, age 7

San Pablo, California (1971)

There was always something I loved about striking a pose that always felt glamorous. I always liked being presentable, and I was feeling so sporty in my sneakers, cuffed pants, and shiny windbreaker. I always felt different, but "gay" didn't resonate until I was about 10, when we moved to El Sobrante, CA.

Back then, the kids would ride their banana seat bikes,
or come to our house to swim. I was always drawn to hair on guys, especially longish straight hair.

My best friend had blondish-white hair, and our other friend had jet-black hair with Dippity Do pomade.

My friend Veronica had an older brother, who I met at 9.

Her brother was cool - and hot! - and I was smitten with his straight, shoulder length, dirty-brown hair. And he wore a PUKA SHELL necklace. Needless to say, I put a great amount of mileage on my bike riding past his house!

I didn't mind the boy stereotype of playing and getting dirty, but I much preferred listening to my Janis Joplin, Joni Mitchell, Doors, and Credence Clearwater Revival records with my best friend. Or climbing the evergreen tree in the back hill, to see San Francisco and feel the breeze in the hopes of hearing the news of gay liberation emanating from the streets.

From this age on, I discovered that what I had was a gift, and I learned the necessity to give it to those without it. Unfortunately, as in many Shakespearean themes, my good nature became manipulated by my brothers, who taught me the Machiavellian principles. Which meant "boys only" swim dates that opened my eyes to my peers, and the wonder and beauty of the male form.

This picture brings me joy and peace, and keeps me grounded in the belief that I'm still clearly that boy, and I give him a voice often. No shame then, no shame now. Luckily, it was ingrained in our upbringing to understand a person's content - and not their skin color, clothes, or hair, etc.

As someone who has worked in NYC with young gay kids for over 25 years, the only advice I can offer is to build that foundation of who and what you are. And gather the company of friends and family who can relish in - and openly celebrate - the other little Jim's this may be happening to everyday.

James' first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Donny Osmond & Barry Williams (Greg Brady, "The Brady Bunch")
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