Brian & Kevin

Brian & Kevin, age 4

Las Vegas, Nevada (1979)

In our pic, Kevin is on the left, and I'm on the right. We're twins. Perhaps this memory has been repressed for the past few decades, but it wasn’t until seeing this picture framed in my parent’s house a few months ago, that I realized BOTH me and my twin were fond of dressing up in women’s clothes as children.

You see, my brother Kevin has always tended more towards the effeminate side (even to this day) and it was no surprise to anyone that he was gay. With the exception of a few awkward teen years, he never really tried to hide it. He has always loved the theater, the drama, and the sequins.

I, however, was a totally different story. And was a total closet-case until about 10 years ago. I thought I did a better job keeping a lid on it, but obviously, this picture tells a much different tale - what with that fabulous pink hat and flowing scarf!

I knew I was different from the earliest of ages – even before I knew what “gay” or “straight” meant. I remember being more curious about boys than girls, but seeing how effeminate my twin brother was and the ridicule that he endured on a daily basis sent a message to me that there was definitely something wrong with whatever “that” was.

I played it straight for years and thought that I could somehow ignore the fact that deep down, I knew I was gay. And it wasn’t until my mid-20's that I finally had to courage to live my OWN life, instead of the life that others thought was “normal” - and I truly could not be any happier today.

My husbear and I have been together for over 9 years (married for 2) and it all just feels right to me. Finally.

And no, I don’t have the slightest inclination to wear women’s clothes today. But I truly loved finding this picture of me and my brother, documenting our queer youth. We are both fortunate to have a loving, supportive family who couldn’t care less about our orientation, just as long as we are happy. 

Editor's Note:
Brian & Kevin are our first gay, fraternal twins!
I'm no scientist, but - I think we just isolated TWO gay genes? :)

Brian's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons") & The Marlboro Man
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John

John, age 5
South Georgia (1966)

This is a shot of me from our very small town in south GA. I don't remember ever feeling free enough to be the me in this photo. This is me before the taunting, before the indoctrination, before the forced sports, before the shame, before the Southern and the Gothic.

He is clearly and naturally being himself. I love him and admire him, but I don't remember him.

I was "different" from the beginning of memory. As early as I can recall. I wish I could find some humor to lighten the moment, but there isn't any to spare.


The laughter was always directed at him. Until he changed; walked differently, interacted differently, sat differently and thus began the years of believing that deep down and intrinsically, something was wrong with him.

Only 12 years of uninsured therapy would begin to heal that.

I take great joy in knowing that somewhere inside me, is the boy in this photo.

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark Goddard (Major Don West on "Lost In Space")

The first man I fell in love with. He was dreamy!

Bryce

Bryce, age 6

Redding, CA (2000)

"Smile, you're going to grow up to be gay!"

I remember I liked my mom's makeup and clothes.

I used to wear button-up shirts around my waist as a skirt, and dance and sing to Britney Spears.

I loved wearing this exact outfit a lot, because they were short shorts, and I felt girly.

I first felt different in 3rd grade, when I learned what "gay" was.

Bryce's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Zac Efron
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Kevin

Kevin, age 4
Decatur, Illinois (1958)

In my photo, I had been "helping" my Mom in the kitchen, and there were a couple of oranges handy. So I slipped them under my T-shirt just goofin' around. In the background is a photo of me in a more typical '50's cowboy getup.

I'm as gay as a goose, but I've done drag only twice, on Halloween. So this moment wasn't a precursor of anything but my basic outlook on life - which is to have fun, and don't take yourself too seriously.

I think I first figured out I might be attracted to other boys around 5th grade or so, but I distinctly remember early TV crushes on Wally ("Leave It To Beaver") and Robby ("My 3 Sons"). They were so cute. I liked older boys, to be sure.

But later in life, my attractions got a bit more erratic! :)

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tony Dow (Wally on "Leave It To Beaver")
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John

John, age 5

Argyle, NY (1993)

This photo was taken in the living room of our house in Argyle, a small village of about 300 people.

To give you an idea of what life was like, the biggest conflict to strike the town was a debate over how many farm animals a person could have, per acre, within the village limits.

Shortly after this picture was taken we moved to a larger city. And then I moved to New York City for college, where I came out and really came into my own.

Looking back, I don't remember feeling different or special in any way. I was lucky to grow up in a family where eccentricity was encouraged, and being "normal" was boring. I was allowed to be myself without my parents judging me.

And looking at this photo, I don't see a flaming little boy ready to burst out of the closet.

I see myself, being what I continue to be to this day: unnapologetically me.

Zach

Zach, age 9

Cincinnati, OH (1995)

The photo was taken by my father who claims - amazingly - that he had no idea back then that his son was a homo. Here, I'm doing my best Liza hands. Like my outfit, my upper-body is completely mismatched to my lower-body, which seems to be doing a Texas two-step (cowboy boots included).

“Classic Zach”

Sadly, I was not one of those fledgling gay boys to whom fashion sense came naturally. Thus my younger sister looks on in admiration/horror.

My real revelation of being "different" came around age 16, when I insisted having a karaoke machine a family BBQ.

Why? So I could entertain all our guests with my rendition of "New York, New York," complete with high-kicks.

I also vividly remember pretending to be an Olympic figure-skater.

Me and my best girlfriend would slide around on the linoleum floor in our socks. This was just following the Nancy Kerrigan vs. Tonya Harding Olympics drama. 

I was always a weird kid. I think my teachers and classmates probably recognized me as gay before I did. My kindergarten teacher wanted to hold me back for a year because I was, 'short and hung out with girls.'

Luckily, I have incredibly supportive parents who told that teacher off, supported me in all of my drama-fag interests, and more recently embraced my incredibly handsome, Maltese-born fiancé as a 2nd son. I think the hardest part of coming out was admitting that everyone was right about me all along. Being contrarian is one of my greatest joys.

We now refer to this photo as "Classic Zach," and while I have moved beyond the sweatpants and cowboy boots of my youth, I like to think that I still retain the same idiosyncratic exuberance (flaminess?) embodied in this picture.

I feel lucky that I grew up into a family that allowed me to be myself, even if being myself was not exactly accepted by suburban Cincinnati society.

Zach's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Steve Guttenberg (in "Short Circuit")

Torr

Torr, age 10
Owosso, MI (1977)

I have countless fond memories, but my childhood was not as idyllic as I would have liked. I loved roller skating, although I was only moderately talented. But, it allowed me to get out of the house!

"Pretty, witty and GAY!"

I cannot remember a time when I wasn't impressed by - or drawn to - men, although I didn't realize what it was then.

Later, when family and society pushed dating girls on me, it became a source of embarrassment and shame.

I love that young people today are able to come out with less pressure to be heterosexual.



Looking back at this pic, I am so glad I have it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. In fact, this is the version I used for an invite to my 40th birthday party!

Big thanks to my mom!

Torr's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Speed Racer, Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky on "Starsky & Hutch")
Tom Selleck ("Magnum PI")

Renee

Renee, age 11

Tiburon, California (1994)

This photo was from a backpacking trip I did with my dad. I wanted short hair so badly back then, but my mom wouldn't let me cut my hair. So my dad snuck me into a cool hair salon on Haight Street in San Francisco to get it all cut off. Badass.

"Happy Trails!"

From as early as I can remember I knew I was different. I would look in the mirror and say it out loud: I'm different from the other kids. It took a seductive Spanish teacher in my senior year in high school for me to fully understand what that difference was.

As a kid, I was a total tomboy. I looked to the boys at my school to figure out what clothes I should wear and I remember begging my mom for boxer shorts in 5th grade. I always preferred climbing trees, hunting for bugs under rocks, and getting dirty, to normal girl activities.

I will admit, however, that I did own a few Barbies. The lack of a Ken doll definitely provided for some early sexual experimentation. I didn't know I was gay at this time, but I knew I was different and I was OK with it. I liked it.

Renee's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Demi Moore (in "GI Jane")

Carrie Ann Moss (in "The Matrix")
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Don

Don, age 12

Livonia, Michigan (1979)

Here's me on vacation in Florida with my brother Joe feeding the seals at SeaWorld. I am wearing two essential pieces of every outfit I wore that summer: my Christian Dior rose-tinted, tortoise shell glasses and my floppy suede leather hat that I had personalized with more than 20 googly-eyed puff balls - popular then like Pet Rocks or Garbage Pail Kids. I wore them both everywhere!

"Express Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself"

I had begged the optometry technician to continue to tint my glasses more pink until she finally said, 'Honey, if I tint them anymore, they'll become sunglasses.' And I knew the hat was better than any other I saw because mine was one of a kind, and it was made by me.

Later that year, I spent all winter break in my room continually listening to Bette Midler's soundtrack for "The Rose." 30 years later, I still can recite her entire concert monologue from that time in my life.

While my brothers listened to KISS, Van Halen and Journey, I listened to Donna Summer, Captain and Tennile, The Carpenters, Diana Ross and especially, Bette Midler. I had no idea why I identified so much with these women, and was amazed (when I later came out) about the concept of a Gay Diva and my shared love of a soulful (usually black) woman singing to me.

As I look back at this picture I am reminded of the strange mix of creativity, confidence, determination and sadness I felt about never feeling like I fit in, but also feeling compelled to express myself. Adults use to tell me things like:

"Boy, you're really different.'" And I would respond, 'Thank you.'

Things changed the next summer when I went to Junior High - where everything from my clothes to my music needed to change if I was to survive the school taunts and harassment. I ended up spending tremendous energy repressing and denying myself (and my feelings) until I accepted being gay and came out at 28.

Now I have a love of both a great diva and a great guitar solo, which is why I absolutely love Judas Priest! Rob Halford kicks ass!

Don's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Mark Goddard (Major Don West on "Lost In Space")
Racer-X (from TV's "Speed Racer")
Erik Estrada (from "CHiPs")

My first full-fledged real crush was definitely Ponch from "CHiPs"!
OMG. That smile and those pants!
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Jason

Jason, age 4

Laurel, Missouri (1979)

All I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas was an Incredible Hulk doll and a Wonder Woman costume. I wasn't aware Wonder Woman's ensemble had a version with pants - but Santa apparently took pains to find it.

I wish I had the photo of my dad sitting on the couch opposite me, as he had this really concerned look, complete with a grimace. He and mom obviously loved me though, as there are many more incriminating photos of me. This one is way more flattering than the one of me in a long yellow scarf and cowboy boots.

Ten or more years ago, I'd cringe at this pic. But now all I can think of is,
'Wow -- I'm pretty dang lucky to have my mom and dad.'

I've pretty much always known I was different than all the other kids at school and church, even before I ever knew what gay was. I mean, outside of The Flintstones' 'we'll have a gay ole time' reference.

I wrestled with my sexual identity and denied it for years, up until some straight friends bought me a lap dance in my 20's, and all I could think of was:
'Lord, I hope that stripper's body oil doesn't clog my pores.'

That's when I knew.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Christopher Reeves ("Superman II")
Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")

Both figured prominently in my fantasies -- and usually simultaneously
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Catherine

Catherine, age 4

Cleveland, TN (1995)

This photo was taken at Christmas time in the hills of Cleveland, TN. I requested an all Power Ranger Christmas, of course. This was my holiday pose, I suppose.

"Christmas Hulk"

At that age I always refused to wear a shirt, and my favorite clothes included: swimming trunks and boxers.

Also, I insisted that my grandmother call me "Luke Skywalker."

I realized that I was gay early in high school, and now that I look back, it makes too much sense!

I adore this picture - it's a strong and powerful woman photo, hah!

Catherine's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Drew Barrymore
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John

John, age 12
Lake Tahoe, California (1977)

Here I am modeling my mother's sunglasses. Look at the body language:
crossed legs, flipped wrists, dangling hand. How could my parents not have known?! Well, of course they knew.

As my mother said when I came out:
'You always were a strange kid, John...' Thanks, Mom!

But, as I was (and still am) a bookworm, I give a really big thanks to all of the authors I discovered at the local library, that let me know I wasn't the only kid who felt that way:

Marion Zimmer Bradley ("The Catch Trap"), George Nader ("Chrome"), and the gay Danielle Steele, Mr. Gordon Merrick ("The Quirk").

And, now that I think about it, an even bigger thanks to the librarians that stocked the shelves!

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Erik Estrada ("CHiPS")
Hubba hubba!
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Sara

Sara, age 8
Elkins, W. Virginia (1984)

I was always very athletic and fearless. I still am, but now I sport long hair thanks to my hippie genes.

From my earliest cognizant memories, I knew I was gay.

My parents knew too, and when I finally came out at age 13, their response was, 'Yeah, we know.'

I was very fortunate to grow up with extremely supportive parents and friends in rural West Virginia.

It gets a bad rap sometimes, but my experience was - and still is - that WV is a wonderful place to live and work for all types of folks.

Sara's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Barbra Streisand (in "Yentl")
Totally obvious

John

John, age 6 months
Cleveland, Ohio (1965)

As a kid, I was always into performing. Acting, playing piano, pretending. I just remember always loving the spotlight! All through high school and college, I was very involved in theater, choir, and any other music related activities.

I think I felt different around age 12 but I didn’t know why.

All through school (Catholic school AND college), I just felt strange and didn’t know why.

It wasn’t until age 22 that I realized I was gay, and not until age 25 that I accepted it.


I LOVE this picture of me and often refer to it as my first headshot!

John's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David W. Harper (Jim Bob on "The Waltons")

Jim Bob was during grade school. After that, John Erik Hexum ... sigh
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Nathan

"Oh stop it, you're making me blush!"

Nathan, age 3
Arcadia, CA (1995)

That's me on the left with a family friend. My parents tease me about this picture. Not because of my sissy pose or the gaudy floral wallpaper, but because of my haircut. I'd groomed myself with some child safety scissors.

Don't be fooled, my shyness is really a mask of false modesty. Growing up, I was showered with praise – the trophy son and envy of every mother.

I was the sweet, skinny boy who got along with just about everyone. Compliments and adoration were commonplace.

I knew I was gay at 13 after I saw two men making out in public. To my 13-year-old eyes, it was the hottest, most mind-blowing thing I had ever seen. From that day forward, I wanted nothing more than to be an openly gay man.

Now, I'm a 19-year-old college kid and out to everyone in my life. The support of my younger sister, parents, and best friend give me the strength to be proud of who I am.

Life is rough once in a while, but it gets better every day.

Nathan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

James Franco