January 18, 2011


Renee, age 11
Tiburon, California (1994)

This photo was from a backpacking trip I did with my dad. I wanted short hair so badly back then, but my mom wouldn't let me cut my hair. So my dad snuck me into a cool hair salon on Haight Street in San Francisco to get it all cut off. Badass.

"Happy Trails!"
From as early as I can remember I knew I was different. I would look in the mirror and say it out loud: I'm different from the other kids. It took a seductive Spanish teacher in my senior year in high school for me to fully understand what that difference was.

As a kid, I was a total tomboy. I looked to the boys at my school to figure out what clothes I should wear and I remember begging my mom for boxer shorts in 5th grade. I always preferred climbing trees, hunting for bugs under rocks, and getting dirty, to normal girl activities.

I will admit, however, that I did own a few Barbies. The lack of a Ken doll definitely provided for some early sexual experimentation. I didn't know I was gay at this time, but I knew I was different and I was OK with it. I liked it.

Renee's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Demi Moore (in "GI Jane")
Carrie Ann Moss (in "The Matrix")


Spanish woman said...

hahaha when I've read your writing I've seen myself in it ever with the barbie thing XD

I couldn't stop laughing remembering it. Even when I finally had a ken (my parents began to "worry"...) I still made my barbies had sex between them (I knew unconsciously what sex was really young)

Anonymous said...

Me and my little brother (who is gay too) used to play together with the barbies, and they made out too...
I remember feeling really aroused about it.

Thank you for your post.

idreamincursive said...

I was wondering if your parents were okay with you coming out?

Unknown said...

Hahahahaahaha! You're story is SO me. :) I had Barbie dolls also as a girl but I played with them in a not-so-straight-way. SCREW KEN! :D