Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Halloween. Show all posts

February 14, 2011

Michael

Michael, age 4
Richland, Indiana (1981)

My mother made those Woody Woodpecker costumes for my brother and me. Halloween was my favorite time of the year, because you could completely pretend to be somebody else for the night. And bring out a different personality, while no one could see who it was. And yes, I'm the one on the right.

At times as a teenager, I'd look at a photo like this and be embarrassed by such behavior.

My favorite album as a kid was Donna Summer's "On The Radio" and my favorite sleep attire was my sister's Charlie's Angels t-shirt.

I realized somewhere around the age of 6 that I was gay.

But growing up in a very small farming area of southern Indiana, I didn't know what that meant.

Or, that someone could live a productive, healthy life being openly gay.

My parents made me join the Boy Scouts and serve in the church, but I never felt comfortable or accepted.

I suppressed being gay until I was 21 and an art student in college. I could no longer take locking myself in the bathroom, and crying for hours wishing I could change myself.

My parents didn't believe me at first, and then went through the whole 'What did we do wrong?' phase, and eventually they just didn't discuss it.

Now, as a 34-year old man with a loving partner of 7 years, I look back at a picture like this and laugh about how even at that age, I OWNED IT! My family was surprised, but they have completely accepted my partner. How they never knew is beyond me.

At one time, I thought safety and acceptance came from wearing a mask. I see my coming out as the first time I said 'I love you' to myself. And I can not look back in anger, because conquering the fear of coming out was the greatest challenge I faced.

Life does really get better when you live it with openness and honesty.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Robert Reed ("The Brady Bunch")
Jameson Parker & Gerald McRaney ("Simon & Simon")
__________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


February 09, 2011

Will

Will, age 5
Ephrata, Pennsylvania (1993)

I was a 5-year old kid who liked making his shadow look as much like the ubiquitous "female" symbol seen outside of restrooms as possible.

When this picture was taken, I doubt I even knew what gay was. However, what I did know was that I loved watching "The Wizard Of Oz," and to me there was nobody more terrifying than the Wicked Witch of the West.

And my mother and father didn't blink an eye when I said I wanted to be a witch for Halloween.

For that I really feel blessed, especially because where I lived was a hive of religious, social conservatives.

I just wish I had a picture of me playing with my Pretty Pink Pony.
______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


February 08, 2011

Rudy

Rudy, age 6
East Los Angeles, California (1986)

This was Halloween at my grandmother's house. My mother was a single parent who didn't have much money to buy a costume, so she borrowed a wig and dressed me up as my grandmother, lipstick and all! I felt so comfortable in the wig and pearls, and wanted to keep it on all night. Looking back, I know this was my way of expressing that "Star Quality" I've always felt inside.

"Little Latin Boy In Drag:
Rudy 'Rudeness' Garcia"
My family says they always knew I was "feminine" or "sensitive" - however I was never treated any differently than any of the other children in my family.

My mother took me to see a doctor because she was concerned that I preferred to play with Barbie dolls over GI Joe.

The doctor told her it was healthy, and it would help me express my creativity, and make me a good parent!

So I had lots of beautiful dolls to dress up and style and role-play with my sister!

But once I discovered MADONNA, it was all over for Barbie! I would watch her in awe, rolling around on the floor in tulle, posing for the camera, and singing and dancing with that one star earring!

Soon after, I did my first performance of "Dress You Up" for my teenaged aunts. They were amazed that I knew all the words and dance moves!

If I could say anything to gay youth now it would be this:
Don't ever believe that you CAN'T be who you are!

Find a place or thing that is all yours, and allow yourself to blossom into the beautiful butterfly you will become.

Rudy's first, famous-person same sex crush:
"Marky" Mark Wahlberg
I saw those Calvin Klein ads in his briefs, and thought 'That's what I want'
_____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"







February 07, 2011

Dawn

Dawn, age 3
Marshalltown, IA (1976)

It's weird how you can remember some things and not others as a small child.
I remember being dressed up like this by my teen-aged aunts, and I remember the dress was itchy. I didn't want it on, except for the beads. This is only one of 3 photos of me in a dress throughout my years, because it always felt like dress up.

I never knew what the word was for it, but around the age of 9,
I fell for a 19-year old college student at my church. And she was kind enough to hang out with me. She'd take me to grown-up places like auctions and furniture shopping, it was just about being included.

I didn't have other kids in the neighborhood where I lived near my age, so college students become my best friends, and she was my first crush.

It wasn't until age 16, and with a friend of mine, that I realized why I was having the crushes on girls.


We were walking around the mall and my friend pointed out a couple. She mentioned that the guy looked cute, but I was thinking to myself the whole time: 'Forget the guy, I’ll take the girl!' Then the skies parted and everything I felt since the time I was age 9, came flooding back. And like puzzle pieces, it all fit together.

It was then that I realized I had to hide this information from my family, as they were and still are, fundamental Christians. Sadly, this hiding set me back a few years concerning my own self worth. But thankfully, though my family didn’t accept my orientation, I eventually realized that God still did.

If there is one message I could have told myself when I was 18, before an attempted suicide, it would be that there are people out there that will love you for who you are. And God will ALWAYS love you, because God created you.

Eventually, you'll also find there are some family members that will love ALL of you, unconditionally!

Today, I still hold a torch for women older than me, and I've been in a 14-year relationship with a wonderful partner who is 25 years my senior. We learn quite a lot from each other, and I look forward to the next 14 years and beyond!

Dawn's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Joanna Kearns ("Growing Pains")
Lisa Bonet ("The Cosby Show")
Dana Delaney ("China Beach")
Dana looked like the woman I had the crush on at age 9!
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January 28, 2011

Kenny

Kenny, age 11
Detroit, Michigan (1985)


Every Halloween costume from my childhood was female. Over the years, I'd dressed as a witch, a bag lady, a gypsy, a girl vampire, and a girl clown. This one is a particular favorite, since most of my costume clothing here was loaned by my mom. Tonight I would tell people I was "a girl punker".

I wore my mom's shoes, skirt, and jewelry. I think we bought the neon shirt at the mall, and it doubled as part of an outfit for an upcoming dance recital where, I did a routine to Cyndi Lauper's "She Bop." Midway through the number, the stage went to black light, so fluorescents were a necessity.

My mom did my hair and make-up, and she said, 'Rod Stewart hangs his head upside down and blow dries his hair to give it height.'

And so, that's what we did.

I'm guessing this photo was taken by one of my parents. I'm biting my lips in order to conceal a giant smile I was holding in, because I couldn't wait to get out trick or treating that night.

Oh, and my mom still hangs that cardboard skeleton in our house to this day.

Kenny's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Scott Baio
_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 27, 2011

Bernie

Bernie, age 4
Chicago, Illinois (1948)

One Halloween, our mother dressed up me and my brother Dennis (age 3, on the left) as Carmen Miranda. For those readers unfamiliar with Ms. Miranda, she was a popular Portuguese-born Brazilian singer, actress, and Hollywood film star in the 40's and 50's. She was particularly noted for her signature fruited turban, which my mother tried to emulate in the costumes we wore.


I think she did a pretty good job with my towering turban, long grass skirt, lei, and one of her clutch bags that I used for trick or treating. Most boys this young, of my era, dressed as cowboys or pirates, and I can't imagine that we asked to dress as Carmen Miranda. But we apparently cooperated - lipstick and rouge to boot! - and we look happy with the end result.

At an early age I shied away from competitive sports and much preferred solitary, creative activities like making plaster Disney characters, copper enameling, model kits, wood burning, reading and baking. While I loved making cakes when I was about 9 or 10, I somehow felt that it was an activity that should be kept confined to my immediate family.

I knew something else was going on when I read comics or magazines that had pictures of hunky guys in bathing suits. I would place the tip of my finger over the bathing suit and imagine that these guys were totally naked. I was also smitten with Buster Crabbe who played Flash Gordon in the 50's TV serials. He was later replaced in my heart by Tim Considine, Tommy Kirk, and the other teenage boys acting in film and TV at the time.

I went through grammar school without a girl friend, but in high school did the required amount of dating. On dates, I'd often find the waiter more attractive than the girl I was with. While he wasn't famous back then, Harry (Harrison) Ford lived in my neighborhood. He was in his "hood" phase at the time, and was often out strutting around dressed totally in black. And I thought he was quite sexy. Anyway, by my early 20's, I was going to the gay bars in Chicago.

Around that time, my brother came out to me, and it wasn't long after that our parents learned that they had two gay sons. After a bit of a rocky transition, our parents became very accepting of both of us.

I'm now a retired businessman living in suburban Chicago with my wonderful partner of almost 38 years. We will probably be "civil unionized" this summer, now that Illinois has passed a civil union law. We might also go to Iowa and get married, although we'd much prefer to do so in our own state. 

My brother Dennis, seen in the picture, had a wonderful life. But he was gone too soon, and cut down by AIDS at age 46 in 1993. I wrote a little speech for his memorial service, and in it I made reference to this picture, wondering out loud about my mother saying: 'What was she thinking?'  The audience, my mother and father included, couldn't help but laugh.

Nature versus nurture? I don't think my mother knew in 1948 what the future held for her sons, nor do I think our Carmen Miranda costumes made us gay. But it was still a momentous beginning, don't you think?

Bernie's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tony Dow (Wally on "Leave It To Beaver")
_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 19, 2011

Thom

Thom, age 6
Columbus, Ohio (1997)

I believe I was pretty well-rounded as a gay child. I liked toy cars and Barbies, didn't play sports until I was older, but was always physically active outside. I was definitely very emotional and cried quite a bit. Taking after my sister and gay brother, I always had unique tastes in music and movies, etc. My lips were always extremely rosy, which got me made fun of a lot.

"I had my gay older brother to model myself after"
As for the photo, I'm in the middle, and my gay brother is on the right. Looking at it now, our gayness was absolutely apparent.

It was around 8 or 9 that I knew I liked men. One day while in my friend's backyard, her shirtless dad shouted something to her from the upstairs window.

That night, I had a dream in which he was naked. When I woke up I just knew that that - and men in general - appealed to me more than women. I didn't accept myself until around 15, however.

Thom's first, famous-person same sex crush:
David Hasselhoff ("Baywatch")
_______________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Mat

Mat, age 9
San Leandro, California (1985)

I'm 9 in this picture at my elementary school Halloween party. I loved Star Wars and just knew I could make it more fabulous! The funniest part of this picture is the clown next to me. I wish you could see the look on his face!

I sure loved Star Wars, but more than that, I loved Harrison Ford!

I should have known back then I would have daddy issues...

I remember feeling different at this age, but I just didn't know what it meant to be gay yet.

That started happening around 13, when I asked to go to see a musical for my birthday. In San Francisco!

Classmates making fun of me pretty much kept me from ever sharing such info again. But 3 years later, I did have my pre-coming out party in choir!

Overall, I suffered through some rough stuff at times.

But as they say these days:

It gets better!

Mat's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Harrison Ford ("Indiana Jones")
Oh man - that leather jacket and that bull whip?! 
Still gets me going to this day!
____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 18, 2011

Jason

Jason, age 4
Laurel, Missouri (1979)

All I wanted Santa to bring me for Christmas was an Incredible Hulk doll and a Wonder Woman costume. I wasn't aware Wonder Woman's ensemble had a version with pants - but Santa apparently took pains to find it.


I wish I had the photo of my dad sitting on the couch opposite me, as he had this really concerned look, complete with a grimace. He and mom obviously loved me though, as there are many more incriminating photos of me. This one is way more flattering than the one of me in a long yellow scarf and cowboy boots.

Ten or more years ago, I'd cringe at this pic. But now all I can think of is,
'Wow -- I'm pretty dang lucky to have my mom and dad.'

I've pretty much always known I was different than all the other kids at school and church, even before I ever knew what gay was. I mean, outside of The Flintstones' 'we'll have a gay ole time' reference.

I wrestled with my sexual identity and denied it for years, up until some straight friends bought me a lap dance in my 20's, and all I could think of was:
'Lord, I hope that stripper's body oil doesn't clog my pores.'

That's when I knew.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Christopher Reeves ("Superman II")
Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")
Both figured prominently in my fantasies -- and usually simultaneously
____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 17, 2011

Charles

Charles, age 13
Georgetown, Ontario, Canada (1975)

This photo was taken in our kitchen with a friend, and it was the last year I was allowed to go out trick or treating. I remember being very excited and proud of this Mickey Mouse costume that I put together all by myself. You can see the excitement and panache that I had - while my friend simply put on a mask with whatever jeans, t-shirt and jacket he was wearing, and just stood there.


I always felt different. My earliest memory of this was about age 5, as I remember wanting to be picked up and held by a friend of my step-father. I didn’t know I was gay, just that I wanted to be close to a man. I remember the first time I heard someone use the word “fag” but I didn’t know what it meant.

I soon learned that "fag" wasn’t a good thing to be called.

I am the only boy in my family with 5 sisters. While I enjoyed playing road hockey with the other boys in the neighborhood, I also spent lots of time with my sisters playing with their Barbie dolls. I also showed my little sister how to pierce Barbie’s ears using straight pins with the pretty “pearl” tips which we took from our mother’s sewing box. I also would tease Midge’s hair and give her the most fabulous “up-dos” and use scissors to make her skirts shorter and sluttier.

At school I was usually found skipping with the girls rather than kicking a soccer ball or whatever the boys were doing out in the field. No one seemed to care, but then in Jr. High I realized that I had to ‘butch it up' if I was going to survive through high school.

The first person I told I was gay was my sister who is just older than me. I was in college at the time. I made her swear not to tell anyone else. Little did I know she told her boyfriend (his attitude toward me never changed a bit), and eventually most of my other sisters. I finally got the courage to come out completely and tell my mom (on Mother’s Day) when I was 30.

My fear that I would be disowned and ostracized from the family turned out to be unfounded. Today I am happily married to a wonderful man, who attends all our family events with me.

Everyone comes out in their own time and special way. For most of us it turns out to be a non-issue. If you think you are gay and you feel like your life is terrible, remember - IT GETS BETTER!

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Russell Johnson (The Professor on "Gilligan's Island")
______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Steve

Steve, age 9
Pocatello, Idaho (1970)

Here, I just turned 9 and our Cub Scout den is putting on a pageant for the Catholics, at the local Knights Of Columbus hall. I liked Cub Scouts a lot, and loved earning merit badges - especially the ones involving cooking or writing.
I particularly liked dressing up in the uniform; twisting my kerchief just so, positioning the blue and gold metal neckerchief slide, and fastening the clasp on my shiny brass belt buckle.


But I liked tonight’s dress-up attire even better. I got to play a knight in the pageant, and Mom and I designed an elaborate costume that is sure to be a hit with the audience.

And Voila! - I'm now the gayest knight Columbus never had. Neither of us thought this at the time, of course. That awareness would come later.

After the photo shoot, Mom called Dad in to show off our handiwork.
He wasn't pleased to see his son in tights, glowing orange or otherwise.

I flash to another night, two years earlier. Mom helped me dress as a Barbie doll for Halloween. I've never forgotten the look on my father's face when he saw me. He pulled Mom into their bedroom, but I heard every word of their fight.

That was the night I understood I'd never be the son he imagined I would be.

Dad refused to let me leave the house until I had changed into 'the kind of costume boys should wear.' I could see that Mom had been crying, which made me start to cry. She calmed me with her soft voice, telling me she had a better idea anyway. And in no time she transformed me from Barbie into Casper the Friendly Ghost.

But on this night, I hope my father sees past the tights, to acknowledge this costume in service of something masculine: the brave warrior armed for battle.

I'm age 50 now, with 30 of those years spent with the man I love. I no longer cover my face in service of masculinity. Rather, masculinity serves me. My father remains mired in 1960, still worshiping some ghost of a son that will never materialize, and unaware of the one who survived.

But I have only gratitude:
After all, he made it possible for me to be born this way. 

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crush:
David Cassidy (Keith on "The Partridge Family")
He was singing "I Think I Love You" directly to me. Check out the lyrics - reminiscent of 70's-era same-sex love.

______________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Josh

Josh, age 5
Winchester, Virginia (1979)


This is a photo of me dressed as a witch at age 5 or so, on the sun deck at the house I grew up in. I'd like to say it was Halloween, or at least October. Typical, since I spent much of my childhood in some kind of costume or drag.

"My pretty!"
I have a vague recollection of this outfit. What I remember most is that my mother helped me make it.

I remember that blue fabric was used in many costumes by folding and draping it in different ways.

We obviously made the hat and the broom. The black gloves were hers.

My parents loved me and nurtured my creativity and never tried to dissuade my interests.

My mother once helped me make a hoop skirt. Her friends would bring me dresses that they bought at the Union Rescue Mission for cheap (loved that yellow tulle ball gown!).
 

Looking at this pic now, it looks like a stereotype. But at the time I remember being loved for being exactly who I was. And I am so grateful for that.

I always felt different. From 4 or 5 on, I really became aware of myself as different from others, especially from other boys (except for a few, but I won't name names).

I loved the Wizard of Oz and especially the Wicked Witch of the West (shocker). I remember being captivated and a little repelled by Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares, seeing something of myself in him, and being a little afraid of it.

Thinking back, there was code like that all over. It's fun to decipher in retrospect. I finally found words that described me to myself by about middle school. I started coming out to friends in high school, exploded out of the closet in college, and I haven't looked back ever since.

Josh's first famous person, same-sex crushes:
C-3PO ("Star Wars") & Michael J. Fox
("Family Ties")
C-3PO was so sensitive! I had a cardboard wine suitcase full of
Michael J. Fox pictures I cut out of teen magazines
_____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Stephen

Stephen, age 10
Providence, Rhode Island (1977)

Yes, this is me, "Little Stevie" as my family called me, dressed as Henry VIII with my beloved Miss Piggy as Anne Boleyn. Having an older gay brother studying costume design in college definitely informed and helped in my playtime activities.

I spent hours dressing up Miss Piggy as different women in history.

Sometimes with accompanying self-costumes as her matching male companions, or sometimes just as their off-screen stylist.

I have many pictures of her dressed as Cleopatra, Carmen Miranda, and Eva Peron at varied times in her life.


I even had Miss Piggy giving speeches on the balcony of the Casa Rosada, in her traveling clothes for the "Rainbow Tour," etc.

I was a confirmed Anglophile at an extremely early age and this photo shows me at the peak of my powers. I mean, look at the details. It's as though Miss Piggy just stepped out of a Holbein portrait. Even my "stippled" Tudor beard is a revelation.

The first time I took a trip to London in the late 1990's and visited Henry VIII's historic home, Hampton Court, all I could think of was this picture. I remember thinking to myself, 'Yes. Miss Piggy and I got it right!'

 
Eat your heart out, Jonathan Rhys Meyers!

I think I always felt different, and I somehow always knew I was gay.
Thank God, because I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Stephen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Mark Spitz (US Olympic Swimming Legend)
_________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Shandi

Shandi, age 7
Hemet, California (1991)

"Cowabunga, dudes!!!"
When I was younger, I always complained that I had to wear a swim suit with a "top" on it. I'd ask my mom why I couldn't just wear swim trunks. She would reply 'Because you're a girl, honey' - to which I'd respond with 'So??? Boys do it - why can't I?' Note the budding feminism - or something like that?

So this is me dressing up for Halloween 1991. This was actually my costume for a few years.

When I finally graduated from Donatello (now seen as a massive tattoo of on my right arm), I was then Gambit from the X-Men.

I was so completely gender blind when I was younger. 

But I knew something was up when I became really close with a girl classmate in kindergarten, and we'd write each other love notes. One day, my mother found me drawing a big red heart with her name in the middle of it, along with "I love you" underneath it.

Mom said to get rid of it before my father came home. It hurt my feelings when she ripped it up in front of me, saying we didn't make that stuff for girls.

I want to make it very clear, however, that my mother was just afraid of my father. He made my mom choose between him or her own gay father. My mother is the most accepting person I know and has since then divorced my father, due to emotional abuse.

When I came out to my mom as Trans, she told me:
'Oh honey. I kinda knew. But I wasn't going to push you either way. 
Whatever you choose, you'll be the best you!'

Shandi's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Neve Campbell, Claire Danes, & Louise Post (of Veruca Salt)

__________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 16, 2011

Maddi

Maddi, age 12
Chicago, Illinois (1997)


The year was 1997. I was 12, and, like many of my peers, in the midst of a full-fledged Spice Girls obsession. This specific picture was taken on Halloween, after my mother had painstakingly drawn all of Sporty Spice's tattoos on my arms, and Superglued a rhinestone to my nose to make it look pierced (it's possible that my family might go a little too far when it comes to costumes...)

"Girl Power!"
I was incredibly proud of that costume, as Sporty Spice was my fave, but that look was pretty much the butchest I've ever been.

If I had to fit myself into a nice, neat little labeled box, I'd probably call myself a femme, because I like wearing pretty things, and I'm ridiculously girly in general.

But I may be different from others in that I didn't know early on that I was gay.

In the era of this picture, I didn't have much of an eye for anyone except Leo DiCaprio, so the fact that I might like girls wasn't even on my radar.


I didn't come out to myself (or start coming out to others) until age 20, when I was studying abroad in Europe, and experiencing what I thought was my first real-life girl crush (I'd begun admitting my celeb crushes to myself by then).

But the thing is, once I actually started coming out, it was like all of a sudden I was remembering things from my past with gay-tinted glasses. 

That English teacher who I thought was so great my freshman year of high school? Totally crushing. The fact that out of all the Spice Girls to be my favorite, I picked the dykiest looking one? Gay. My favorite character when my parents had me watch "Law & Order" with them?  A gorgeous brunette with a Texan drawl who ended up defining my "type" - and who I still love to watch in all her hot ladycop hotness today on "Rizzoli & Isles".

I've been quite lucky, I must say. I grew up in a liberal, accepting environment. My Father's business partner was a gay man, and at age 9, I sold the most Girl Scout cookies I ever sold to members of The Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. My mom has always had plenty of lesbian/lesbian-ish friends.

I live in Boston now. I realize how lucky I've been, how relatively easy being gay has been for me. Regardless of what we've all each been through on our journeys to discovering our real selves, and regardless of what people might say to us, or think of us - the only person who truly needs to be accepting of me - is me.

Maddi's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Melanie C (Sporty Spice)
Angie Harmon (on "Law & Order")
________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 15, 2011

Sara

Sara, age 8
Santa Clarita, California (1990)


This is a picture of me at the age of 8, dressed as Joey McIntyre (of New Kids On The Block fame).

That year, my sisters dressed up as a bride and Ariel, from The Little Mermaid.

Looking back, my Mom distinctly remembers this Halloween as the one where she finally realized there was really something "different" about me.

I wanted to BE Joey McIntyre; never anything more than that.

And, I definitely used my get-up as an excuse to chase the girls around the playground.

____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Karen

Karen, age 5
Rockford, Illinois (1987)


I think I love this picture and this age because I trusted myself so much more then. I was ME, period.

"For the Honor of Greyskull!"
So much less societal conditioning and insecurity there to get in the way. I loved that costume and I was so proud to have my sword. I was joyful! I naturally resisted gender and sexuality stereotypes and idolized strong women like Jodie Foster and Sigourney Weaver.

In the years immediately after this I quickly started to pick up on my "difference", and I had crushes on my best friends (a girl and a boy) and started to feel self-conscious about not being "girly" enough.

I quickly learned to edit myself to try to fit in, and spent the rest of my school-age years secretly wondering what was "wrong" with me.


It took me until my early 20's to start to resurrect the honesty, joy, and self-confidence I had then. And I am so happy to have the picture as a reminder of that time before I let the outside world in to mess with my head! :)

Karen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Winona Ryder (in "Beetlejuice")
________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 13, 2011

Jess

Jess, age 4
Corvallis, Oregon (1995)

"Greetings from Neverland"
This was taken in my parent's dining room on the buffet, right before a Halloween party.

I insisted that my big sister - who was twice my size at the time - dress up as Tinkerbell, and my Dad as Captain Hook.

I think I knew I was different about this time, or a little bit earlier.

I always played dress-up as a girl in daycare, and I once 'gave birth' to puppies in playtime.

But I remember sitting under a tree my first day of kindergarten, watching all of the other kids playing. And I realized that my fabulous antics wouldn't be acceptable at real school.

I love this picture, and not much has changed about me. Everyone who knows me always comments about it, about how astonishing it is. And, how much of an attitude I had at such an early age.

Jess' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Leonardo DiCaprio (on "Growing Pains")
_____________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


David

David, age 5
Sacramento, Kentucky (1981)

I don't remember the pic being taken, but I remember that baby blue dress and pink scarf vividly.  In my kindergarten class, there was a "dress up" area. One side of the closet contained "boy" clothes, and the other side had "girl" clothes.


As recess time would get closer, I anticipated grabbing that baby blue dress, and asking a friend to 'Zip me up!'  LOL. Of course, growing up in a VERY small Kentucky town, when a kindergarten boy wants to put on the dress instead of the business suit, it raises an eyebrow or two.

However, I loved going to school just so I could put on that dress and have tea time with my friends. I don't remember any of the other kids having a problem with me putting it on. It was the adults that told me it was wrong, saying:
"Boys don’t wear dresses."


I remember that the teasing started around 4th grade, and a boy told me that his mom said I was 'girly.' He gave me the nickname of 'Tinkerbell.'  He sat right behind me in class, so I got called that a lot. But I wore that nick name proudly!

This is my favorite picture from my childhood - the baby blue really brought out my eyes. LOL. Looking at it just reminds me to have a personal sense of strength. If I can throw on a dress in kindergarten, why should I feel that I have to hide who I am today?!

I think this was the same year I dressed as a girl for Halloween. My dad took us Trick-or-Treating. I wore my sister's skirt and top and one neighbor answered the door, and said: "Who is this pretty little girl!"  My dad said, "That’s my son!" and the neighbor said, "He makes a much prettier little girl than he does a boy!"

Trick-or-Treating officially ended for the night after that comment...
But it sure makes for a great story!

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Aqua Man and John Schneider & Tom Wopat
(Bo & Luke Duke, "Dukes Of Hazzard")
I had the sheets too, and every time I watch a re-run, I am reminded why!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


January 12, 2011

Tim

Tim, age 10
Cambridge, Massachusetts (1979)

I was either very naive or very brave to rock this look at my Baptist church Halloween party. My neighbor Cheryl kept her identity hidden, for fear of association. I think I looked damn good, in a Jon-Benet Ramsey meets Anita Bryant kind of way.

"Jon Benet Ramsey meets Anita Bryant"
I first started to notice I was different in Kindergarten when I brought my Mrs. Beasley doll in for Show & Tell. Nobody made a big deal about it then.

It wasn't until 5th grade when I started to realize that I wanted to kiss the boys and hang out with the girls - instead of the other way around.

The homophobic bullying started soon after. 

Tim's first, famous-person same sex crush: Aquaman
A man with wavy blond hair, gills, & green tights always charges my batteries!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"