January 17, 2011


Shandi, age 7
Hemet, California (1991)

"Cowabunga, dudes!!!"
When I was younger, I always complained that I had to wear a swim suit with a "top" on it. I'd ask my mom why I couldn't just wear swim trunks. She would reply 'Because you're a girl, honey' - to which I'd respond with 'So??? Boys do it - why can't I?' Note the budding feminism - or something like that?

So this is me dressing up for Halloween 1991. This was actually my costume for a few years.

When I finally graduated from Donatello (now seen as a massive tattoo of on my right arm), I was then Gambit from the X-Men.

I was so completely gender blind when I was younger. 

But I knew something was up when I became really close with a girl classmate in kindergarten, and we'd write each other love notes. One day, my mother found me drawing a big red heart with her name in the middle of it, along with "I love you" underneath it.

Mom said to get rid of it before my father came home. It hurt my feelings when she ripped it up in front of me, saying we didn't make that stuff for girls.

I want to make it very clear, however, that my mother was just afraid of my father. He made my mom choose between him or her own gay father. My mother is the most accepting person I know and has since then divorced my father, due to emotional abuse.

When I came out to my mom as Trans, she told me:
'Oh honey. I kinda knew. But I wasn't going to push you either way. 
Whatever you choose, you'll be the best you!'

Shandi's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Neve Campbell, Claire Danes, & Louise Post (of Veruca Salt)


Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"


Anonymous said...

What a good mom you have!

Campbell said...

Yeah, your mum is fantastic!

Anonymous said...

God Bless your sweet mom and all moms like her. And may karma catch up with our bully fathers.

Shandi said...

To be honest, my father is slowly but surely coming around. At least on the gay part. I think I may never let him know I'm trans, which is convenient as he lives in a different state than me and I don't exactly plan on doing any testosterone treatment or anything that would be a dead give away. I've always dressed the way I've dressed, and he's stopped correcting wait staff at restaurants when they call me "sir." Also, I really hope he doesn't find this, but if he does...it's just another thing wrong with what I do which I've also grown accustomed to and just accept my father for his inability to appreciate me for the GOOD I do. He does, but he just lets what he sees as "flaws" get in the way of actually showing me love and affection (and this goes way beyond gender and sexuality: it's basically anything I do.)

Shandi said...

I also feel it may be cool to mention that I got to finally meet Louise Post back in 05, and the next time I saw her in 07, she found ME in the club to give me a huge hug! It was quite surreal to meet the very first woman celeb who made me go "Uh oh..." back in 96 when Veruca Salt performed on SNL (I believe Sting was the host or something) and she ended up remembering little ol' me after two years!