Noah, age 4
Portland, Maine (1992)
Even though I didn't realize it until I was in my first year of college, my parents knew I was gay when I was 3-years old.
On Christmas Day of 1991, my parents got my sister a dress and got me a tuxedo.
I burst out crying when both gifts were opened, because I wanted a dress like my sister's.
They returned the tux and bought me a dress instead. And I wore that thing, and my pink jelly sandals, until they both were worn out.
As you can see, I was still wearing them both during summer 1992, as seen in my photo.
So after all the Barbie dolls, putting on my sister's clothing, and dressing up as a bride in a wedding, I finally realized I was gay 15 years later.
_____________________________________________________
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Showing posts with label Siblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Siblings. Show all posts
November 09, 2011
June 19, 2011
Gordon
Gordon, age 5
Caneadea, New York (1959)
Looking at this photo, I have more questions than answers. Who is that man? He looks exactly like my father. And, he looks like a loving dad spending quality time with my sister and me. But, I certainly don't remember him ever doing anything like that. Notice the grumpy look on my face, testifying to the fact that I was coerced into posing for this, when all I wanted to do was to get away.
My mother abandoned us when I was about 10-years old. My father was a spoiled only child who, as an adult, was never around kids until he married late in life, and then we came along. He was never mean or strict, but he was never close or affectionate, either. And he never taught me anything.
But, I can't blame him. He simply didn't know what to do with kids.
Did he know that I was gay? Probably.
But he never said anything, and I never felt the need to say anything myself.
I went to a very small school where I don't remember ever hearing the word, "gay." So, I can look back and be thankful that I was never bullied. In class,
I always sat among the girls, where I felt like I fit in.
I wasn't interested in anything that the boys were talking about.
Not surprisingly, I was terrible at sports and hated gym class.
It's hard to say when it was that I first knew that I was gay. I can remember,
as a young teenager, my attraction to an underwear model whose picture I saw in a catalog. But, I didn't know that my feelings meant anything unusual.
Gordon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Richard Egan (in "A Summer Place")
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Caneadea, New York (1959)
Looking at this photo, I have more questions than answers. Who is that man? He looks exactly like my father. And, he looks like a loving dad spending quality time with my sister and me. But, I certainly don't remember him ever doing anything like that. Notice the grumpy look on my face, testifying to the fact that I was coerced into posing for this, when all I wanted to do was to get away.
My mother abandoned us when I was about 10-years old. My father was a spoiled only child who, as an adult, was never around kids until he married late in life, and then we came along. He was never mean or strict, but he was never close or affectionate, either. And he never taught me anything.
But, I can't blame him. He simply didn't know what to do with kids.
Did he know that I was gay? Probably.
But he never said anything, and I never felt the need to say anything myself.
I went to a very small school where I don't remember ever hearing the word, "gay." So, I can look back and be thankful that I was never bullied. In class,
I always sat among the girls, where I felt like I fit in.
I wasn't interested in anything that the boys were talking about.
Not surprisingly, I was terrible at sports and hated gym class.
It's hard to say when it was that I first knew that I was gay. I can remember,
as a young teenager, my attraction to an underwear model whose picture I saw in a catalog. But, I didn't know that my feelings meant anything unusual.
Gordon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Richard Egan (in "A Summer Place")
____________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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April 07, 2011
Jason
Jason, age 8
Page, Arizona (1984)
I'm the middle child in a family of 10 boys, no girls. My parents were (and still are) ultra-conservative Mormons. To top it all off, my dad was the Phys Ed. coach at our local middle school. Which, I suppose, makes him more of a lesbian?
I have so many funny memories from my childhood. Luckily, I was blessed with a healthy dose of innocence to protect me from the repressed social 'norms' all around me.
I knew from age 5 that I was attracted to other boys. All my best friends were girls, but all my crushes were boys.
Back then, I figured everyone felt that same way, so there was no need to talk about it.
In my pic, all the obvious signs were there for the whole world to see:
Leather boots, bow tie, carrying my Cabbage Patch doll (named Clifford), and protectively mothering my younger brothers for the photo. That's Josh, Jacob, and Sam with me here.
What I wish I had, is a picture of my pink flannel E.T. night gown! My mother had received a box of donated clothes, and when I searched through them and found that 'gem', I became obsessed!
I would come home from school, take off my school clothes, and don my night gown. I was obviously very comfortable in it, because one day I wore it while riding bikes with my neighborhood friends. Which is when and a kid shot me (twice) with a BB gun! Imagine, my first gay hate crime at age 7!
I also remember my infatuation with Wonder Woman. It went beyond idolizing her - I wanted to BE her! I'd sneak around into our side yard and pray to God with every fiber in my being, to PLEASE let me turn into Wonder Woman.
I did the spin, and when nothing happened - I literally balled my eyes out!
There are certainly more stories, like drama class, choir, and being the only boy on the clogging team for 5 years. Yes, I was a River Dancer years before it became a cheese-tastic phenomenon.
All these years later, I'm so grateful for all the colorful experiences that shaped my childhood. I've gone through some struggles with my family, but I'm happy to say it's all been worth it. The biggest victories have come from being exactly who I am at all costs. And I can honestly say I'm proud of the man I am today.
It's my sincere belief that the best way we inspire others, is to live by example.
And I hope that the gay and lesbian youth of today continue to embrace the uniqueness, that is inherently ours for the taking!
_____________________________________________________
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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March 25, 2011
Aaron
Aaron, age 8
Berne, Indiana (1982)
I think this picture is funny, because I'm so excited about my pink Easter basket. I think I'm more excited than Denise here, my younger, 6-year old sister.
Growing up in a small town in Indiana, I always knew I was different than other boys. I had a very high voice all through puberty, and I was very androgynous. So it was very hard for people to tell whether I was a boy or a girl.
But that androgyny has paid off now. At 37-years old, people still guess my age as late 20's or early 30's! I love it!
I remember being attracted to boys/men in the 1st grade, having a huge crush on my swimming instructor. All through grade school, I much preferred playing with the girls on the playground, instead of anything involving a ball.
Music and stage quickly became my vice. I was a boy soprano up until 8th grade, then an alto as a freshman. But that also led to many taunts of "f*g" and "sissy."
I remember playing superheroes with my cousins at family outings, and I always laid claim on being "Wonder Woman." I could never figure out why none of them ever argued with me about being her - not even my girl cousins!
But today - I am who I am. I have a wonderful family who accepts me and my partner. While they're fundamental Christians who will never approve of me being gay, they do accept and love me!
My advice to young people, or any people with a fear of coming out is:
Most of the people you're afraid to tell that you're gay - already know. They're just waiting for you to be comfortable enough with yourself to approach them with it.
It's generally not a surprise to anyone. And if they say it is, they're more than likely lying for one reason or another.
With that being said: It's OK to wait until you are comfortable to have a conversation about it. Move at your own pace!
_______________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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March 11, 2011
John
John, age 4
Flushing Meadow Park, New York (1965)
That's me in the front with my two older brothers at the 1964-65 New York World's Fair. My father was the manager of the General Motors Futurama exhibit, and we would spend every other weekend visiting the fair.
Even barely 4-years old, I can remember being obsessed with those sunglasses.
My father told me it was bad for my eyes to wear sunglasses indoors. Otherwise, I would have worn them all the time.
I suppose this picture reminds me that I have always been a bit different.
I became aware of my attraction to boys my own age around 11, but I didn't really start coming out to friends or family until I was 20; no one was surprised.
And I was lucky, because only one friend had trouble with my coming out, and he got over it. Both my brothers, my parents, and my family were (and are) supportive of who I am. And being gay is just one of the things I am.
I'm 49 now and live in San Francisco. My life is not perfect, but I am mostly happy. And I have friends - many who are gay, and many who are not - and they all know who I am.
Of all the challenges of my life, being gay hasn't been a problem. I think if anything, being gay has turned out to be a positive thing. Growing up different means having to discover yourself in ways that 'normal' people don't.
I was born this way, and I'm happy with who I am.
And, you will find that being who you are is part of being happy.
John's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Guy Williams (the dad on "Lost In Space")I think I became fascinated with him watching re-runs of the show.
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February 18, 2011
Dennis
Dennis, age 8
Natoma, Kansas (1966)
Summer of 1966 was my certain summer. That's me on the left and my cousin Ranny on the right. He was from the big city (Denver) and was spending the summer on our farm in western Kansas. This was a big deal for me, as I didn’t have many friends, and was already branded a sissy by my small town peers.
In the photo, I'm wearing my favorite shorts, cotton twill with an elastic waist.
They were so much more comfortable than cut-off jeans! Ranny had a similar pair, and one afternoon I told him, 'Wear your shorts with no underwear and meet me in the hayloft.' The love of being naked is one I have to this day
I don’t know how many times we revisited the hayloft, to just shed our clothes and revel in the air on our bodies. One time, I heard my mother calling as she was climbing the ladder! I hid behind the bales of hay, but she knew I was there, as my shorts were lying at her feet. Ranny just stood there, having wisely stayed in his clothes that day.
I slunk out, the guilty look on my face confirming everything. She hadn’t caught us doing anything, but she didn’t have to. She knew, all her fears realized. She marched me downstairs, refusing to let me get dressed. Pulling a leather strap from the tack room, she bent me over and whipped me, racked with sobbing.
That evening, my father had a quiet talk with me. Which was unusual, as he usually wielded the belt and my mother did the talking. I'm sure he thought he had the most difficult task that day.
Ranny and I never talked about it. I don't know if he turned out to be gay, as he was killed in a car wreck at 16.
After that, I realized that the things kids had called me and what I was feeling were connected. And my parents had just confirmed what I already knew: that I had to keep it a dirty secret. I tamped it down by being the best little boy I could. Though not too good, lest I draw attention to myself.
In high school I sought refuge in the church, but by my senior year realized I was just running away from the obvious. One more year and I could be free!
I dumped the church and started looking for colleges with gay student groups.
Today, my mother still won't talk to me about my sexuality.
She says she'd be just as uncomfortable talking to my brother about his marriage.
Dennis' first, famous-person same sex crush:
Doug McClure (in "The Virginian")___________________________________________________
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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February 07, 2011
Jan
Jan, age 8
Edmond, Oklahoma (1978)
That’s me on the left, and don’t I look excited?! My sister is sitting next to me with her usual big smile. I had the girliest sister in the entire universe. The pic now makes me laugh. And If I actually thought I was ever fooling anybody about being straight, the gay clearly shines through here in the pic.
I think I knew that I was "different" around age 4.
How can you not know when your closest sibling is the princess of the world?
She always wanted me to play with dolls or have tea parties, or some prissy thing.
Which got on my nerves. Why do that crap when you can play with GI Joe or the Millennium Falcon?
While she was busy spinning around like Wonder Woman and jumping on the furniture like the Bionic Woman, I was playing Han Solo frozen in carbonite,
or single-handedly battling Sasquatch in our playroom
I grew up with my fair share of bullies, but I was lucky because I was funny and could run fast. I was also a really good skater. The first time I saw Kristy McNichol, my life changed. I had a real purpose. I just knew one day I would roller skate up to her in my satin jacket and offer her a piggy back. Naturally she would jump on and off we’d roll into the sunset - obviously with a rainbow visible in the background.
The first person I told about being a lesbian was my sister. She could not have cared less, and said she would always love me no matter what. And she has, and she is still the girliest girl I know.
I grew up in a relatively small town, and it was really difficult and sad at times. But I look back now and see how it got easier and easier each year for me to stop pretending. I accepted who I was, and ultimately became truly happy in my own skin. I have no doubt that it will be the same for you, too.
Jan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Kristy McNichol
___________________________________________________Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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February 05, 2011
Jill
Jill, age 5
Chicago, Illinois (1979)
I look back on this picture and think, 'Really, how could they not have known?!' My family was always very religious, and Easter was considered one of the most important Sundays of the year. So I'm surprised that my mother, who was always very concerned with appearances, let her 5-year old daughter wear a suit to Easter Sunday. I especially loved these pants. My grandmother had sewn the horse patch on my knee, as I'd ripped them one day while climbing a tree.
I was always a little tomboy from the very beginning - climbing trees and playing football with the little boys in the neighborhood. When I was 7, I begged my dad to install a basketball hoop in the driveway for me, which he did, while my sister played with her multiple Barbie dolls.
Back then, I had crushes on a few cute girls. I used to run around on the playground with the boys, but I'd chase the other girls. And I always told my sister from a very young age that I would never let some "yucky" boy kiss me when I got older.
By the time I came out, the general response from my friends was, 'I already know'. So people who really know you, they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be that everything works out as it's meant to be.
And, that true friends love you for who you are.
Jill's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Kristy McNichol & Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
__________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Chicago, Illinois (1979)
I look back on this picture and think, 'Really, how could they not have known?!' My family was always very religious, and Easter was considered one of the most important Sundays of the year. So I'm surprised that my mother, who was always very concerned with appearances, let her 5-year old daughter wear a suit to Easter Sunday. I especially loved these pants. My grandmother had sewn the horse patch on my knee, as I'd ripped them one day while climbing a tree.
I was always a little tomboy from the very beginning - climbing trees and playing football with the little boys in the neighborhood. When I was 7, I begged my dad to install a basketball hoop in the driveway for me, which he did, while my sister played with her multiple Barbie dolls.
Back then, I had crushes on a few cute girls. I used to run around on the playground with the boys, but I'd chase the other girls. And I always told my sister from a very young age that I would never let some "yucky" boy kiss me when I got older.
By the time I came out, the general response from my friends was, 'I already know'. So people who really know you, they sometimes know you better than you know yourself. If I could go back in time and tell myself one thing, it would be that everything works out as it's meant to be.
And, that true friends love you for who you are.
Jill's first, famous person same sex crushes:
Kristy McNichol & Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
__________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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January 25, 2011
Glen
Glen, age 7
West Milford, New Jersey (1969)
This is a picture of me and my two brothers. I'm on the top step.
My grandmother wrote 'The 3 Muscateers' at the top. But on the back she wrote 'the three astronauts' since we were all named for astronauts. Glen, Scott, and Dean were definitely common names for kids during the 60's.
I don't recall the pic being snapped, but it is rather telling. We all had some sort of metal canes for the snapshot. My younger brother Dean (now a poet), is on the bottom step looking rather nonplussed about his. Scott (who ended up being the jock of the family) is in the middle, holding his like a javelin. And I'm looking rather dandy using it like walking cane, with my left arm flung casually over the step behind me. I also love the white socks and black shoes!
It must have been around 2nd grade that I recall having those feelings that I now recognize as my inherent gayness. There was a boy in class named Gary C, whose name I still remember after all these years. I just could not take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to be near him. I don't remember much more about him than that - but those memories of staring at him and longing for him are permanently etched in my brain.
During the 1960's and 1970's in the sticks of New Jersey, homosexuality was simply not discussed, even in church. It wasn't on anyone's radar, even though my town was only about an hour's drive away from Greenwich Village, NY.
While I knew instinctively that I was drawn to boys, and then men as I got older, I didn't fully integrate those feelings until much later after college.
Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Don Grady (Robbie Douglas on "My Three Sons")
_____________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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West Milford, New Jersey (1969)
This is a picture of me and my two brothers. I'm on the top step.
My grandmother wrote 'The 3 Muscateers' at the top. But on the back she wrote 'the three astronauts' since we were all named for astronauts. Glen, Scott, and Dean were definitely common names for kids during the 60's.
I don't recall the pic being snapped, but it is rather telling. We all had some sort of metal canes for the snapshot. My younger brother Dean (now a poet), is on the bottom step looking rather nonplussed about his. Scott (who ended up being the jock of the family) is in the middle, holding his like a javelin. And I'm looking rather dandy using it like walking cane, with my left arm flung casually over the step behind me. I also love the white socks and black shoes!
It must have been around 2nd grade that I recall having those feelings that I now recognize as my inherent gayness. There was a boy in class named Gary C, whose name I still remember after all these years. I just could not take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to be near him. I don't remember much more about him than that - but those memories of staring at him and longing for him are permanently etched in my brain.
During the 1960's and 1970's in the sticks of New Jersey, homosexuality was simply not discussed, even in church. It wasn't on anyone's radar, even though my town was only about an hour's drive away from Greenwich Village, NY.
While I knew instinctively that I was drawn to boys, and then men as I got older, I didn't fully integrate those feelings until much later after college.
Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Don Grady (Robbie Douglas on "My Three Sons")
_____________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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January 17, 2011
Jimmy
Jimmy, age 5
Salem, Oregon (1977)
This is a photo of me (on the right) and my brother, Charlie - proudly displaying the treasures from an Easter egg hunt in the back yard. Our parents had just divorced, which I remember as a painful time, but clearly we were enjoying an annual childhood ritual here.
As a toddler, I had a mop of curly hair and long eyelashes, and people often would mistake me for a girl. Perhaps that's why, as a youngster, I felt free to embrace interests that were considered "girlie":
Wonder Woman, Ms. Pac-Man, soap operas.
It wasn't until I was 13 years old, desperately trying to blend in with my peers, that I started to feel ashamed of being different. Salem was a close-minded place where few dared to challenge the mainstream. I kept most of my quirks hidden and didn't come out of the closet until the age of 27.
______________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Salem, Oregon (1977)
This is a photo of me (on the right) and my brother, Charlie - proudly displaying the treasures from an Easter egg hunt in the back yard. Our parents had just divorced, which I remember as a painful time, but clearly we were enjoying an annual childhood ritual here.
"Dressed up in my Easter Sunday best." |
Wonder Woman, Ms. Pac-Man, soap operas.
It wasn't until I was 13 years old, desperately trying to blend in with my peers, that I started to feel ashamed of being different. Salem was a close-minded place where few dared to challenge the mainstream. I kept most of my quirks hidden and didn't come out of the closet until the age of 27.
Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Sean Astin ("The Goonies") & Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")______________________________________________
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Joshua
Joshua, age 7
Bradenton, Florida (1987)
I was a child who was very much in my own world. Spending most of my time drawing mermaids and princesses, I had a hard time focusing at school. I got made fun of a lot for being a girl because most of my recesses were spent playing house, trying to cartwheel, or wishing I was brave enough climb and sit on top of the monkey bars. I coped by retreating into my head, which I was very happy in, but resulted in a lot of strange outward behavior. I guess I was an odd kid.
"Easter Sunday portraits were always a good opportunity to dress up, eat peeps, go to church - and VOGUE!" |
This photo was taken on Easter Sunday before my family went to church.
I remember my mom bought us all new outfits for the occasion and needless to say - I felt very chic. I remember wanting this picture to count - so I told my sister Bethany (the one closest to me) how to pose, and then I struck one myself. I don't think my parents had any idea what I was doing. They're still relatively unfazed by this picture, and I think they're just "used to me."
I didn't fully come out until I was in my mid 20's. I was brought up in a very conservative Christian home and it took a long time for me to fully separate myself from that. I don't remember not "feeling different" though. I was obviously a very flamboyant child and I never really fit in anywhere.
I am incredibly proud of this picture. Even though I was a little late to "come out" I was always pretty fearless about expressing myself and my interests.
Joshua's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
"Marky Mark" Wahlberg, Joel West, & Marcus Schenkenberg.
Obviously, I liked the 90's male models.
___________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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___________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
Tweet
January 11, 2011
Brandon
Brandon, age 4
Denver, Colorado (1980)
I was gay from the get go, and it seemed totally normal to me. I would wear my younger sister's dresses and slips and grab my mother's heels and proceed to spin in the front yard endlessly. This is not the only picture of me that gave indication to my orientation. There are many more, everything from me dressing up as the Wicked Witch (I was obsessed with her) to painting my mother's toenails, to ironing my blanket with a pink toy iron.
And of course, more dresses and heels.
"To hell with the sensible shoes, give me the glamor gal pair!"
|
As I grew up, I was thankful to have my younger sister by my side, to fashion her hair into a giant bouffant or applying her makeup, even in her teens.
Although I never became a drag queen as one might expect, I certainly embraced a flair for the unusual, sporting makeup and skirts and obnoxious hair color in my Goth teen years.
I have no shame when I look back at this picture.
I was happy being who I was and experimenting with whatever I desired.
I hope more parents allow their children to blossom naturally.
Brandon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Tony Dow (Wally Cleaver from "Leave It To Beaver")
_________________________________________________
Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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