Lindsay

Lindsay, age 3

Western, Kentucky (1985)

I think I always knew on some level that I was different – and understood that different was not good. I was a tomboy, and I spent much of my childhood with my cousin Russ, who is the same age as me.

His older brother taught me new words like "f*g" and "queerbait." I have a very vivid memory of Russ calling me gay. We were about 6-years old at the time.
I asked him what it meant and he said, "It means you're a girl that likes girls."

I took a moment to process that in my little brain and concluded, "Yeah, you’re right." We went back to playing in the yard, and I buried that realization deep in my subconscious, to be painfully hashed out later.

At 6-years old, we don't yet have all of the ugly social messages we receive later in life. Messages that make us feel bad about ourselves. Even when I had my first crush on a girl in the 3rd grade, I didn't really know what it meant to be a lesbian. I did know, however, that I shouldn't talk about it with grown-ups.

By age 8, I knew people would think it was weird and wrong. I knew that I really liked Jo on "The Facts of Life" and was fascinated by the character Lady Jaye on "GI Joe." Even though I didn’t understand yet why I liked them so much, I was still embarrassed by those feelings.

Now when I reflect on my childhood, I can see the progression from carefree tomboy fighting on the playground, to awkward pre-teen who invented crushes on boys, to angry teen running away from feelings that I tried to pray away.

When I finally came out to my mom at age 21, she hugged me, told me she loved me, and said, "This is something I've been concerned about since you were 2."

I guess that's why she didn't argue too much when I asked for a He-Man themed 3rd birthday party, as seen in my picture.

I hope when queer kids growing up today see people like me, who are now out and proud - and a Mom! - they know that being gay AND happy is possible.

Linday's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
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Zachary

Zachary, age 7

Mount Airy, NC (1997)

I obsessed over the Spice Girls since their first album. I had the Barbies, action figures, and even dressed up like Posh Spice (Victoria Beckham) sometimes.

Until the 6th grade, people called me "Spice Boy." I was teased daily, but I wouldn't let that stop my love of the Spice Girls, and just being who I was.

I knew I was gay very early, probably around 10-years old.

I would always watch pro wrestling, because I liked to see men in tight, little uniforms.

I never had a specific male crush back then. I was just drawn to shirtless, attractive men in general. And nothing has changed on that level.


Coming out was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

However, it was the best decision I have ever made.
I am happy with who I am, and I'm proud to be a gay American.

Rick

Rick, age 4

North Hollywood, CA (1967)

A couple months ago, I was rummaging through old photo albums at my father's house, and my heart stopped when I saw this pic of me as a small child. It really took my breath away, because it confirmed for me just how early in my life, that my path was set. I was not to be like other boys. Thank God!

I don't remember this picture being taken. But I do remember in the years after this, feeling different and isolated. Like during 1st grade, when I had a mad crush on a 5th grade boy.

I seemed to attract other effeminate boys as friends at school. I was always being taunted, beat up, chased, and teased all through school.

My mother finally allowed me to switch to a small church school mid-year in 8th grade, because I was so miserable at my public school.

It was during high school that I realized what was different about me. I knew I was gay, and it scared the hell out of me.


But how could I be gay? I was raised a Baptist???

Things began to fall into place in my life in my early 20's. I met John, my partner of 24 years, in 1987. We have a wonderful life together, and I have a wonderful and supportive family.

"Born This Way Blog" gives me such a strong feeling of belonging. What a great way to show young "different" people just how many of us have paths to follow that seem so different - yet are actually so alike.

Jason

Jason, age 8

Mechanicsville, Connecticut (1982)

"Mork and Mindy" suspenders, a sparkly Tweety Bird t-shirt, ironing a flowery tablecloth, and that nasty cold sore? Yep, I'm gay. People always ask, "When did you know?" The real question is, when didn't I know? While I didn't know there was a word for how I felt, all I knew is that it was the way I was.

In the 1st grade, I wanted to be Princess Leia - because I had a huge crush on Han Solo.

I'd jump on my Mom and Dad's bed, falling and bouncing, and pretending Han and I were escaping the Evil Empire.

I didn't know I could be a boy and still like boys, so I assumed I should have been born a girl.


Growing up with TV, my gay role models were Jodie Dallas (Billy Crystal) from "Soap" and Beverly LaSalle, the drag queen from "All In The Family." I think Billy Crystal's character had the most impact on me growing up. I assumed that since I liked boys like he did, that I had to get a sex change like he was going to.

I didn't really know what a sex change was, except that I'd be a girl and things would be better. For the longest time as a boy, I secretly dreamed of turning 18, going to Switzerland, and becoming a girl. Thank God for today's TV role models.

I am the baby of 4 children: two gay boys and two girls. My sister Tracy is the closest in age to me, and we would play house together. She would pretend to be Pamela Ewing from "Dallas" and I'd be the alcoholic Sue Ellen.

Our other favorite thing to play would be "2 Sisters." We'd pretend to be sisters who lived next door to each other with our husbands. We had such imaginations back then, and had such fun times.

School was hard for me, and I was bullied as far back as I can remember. I was called queer, f*g, fairy, you name it. It hurt a lot at the time, but I would never change who I was or the person I am today.

I always knew deep down that I was "normal" and its okay if your normal isn’t the same as everyone else. That's what makes you special.

So celebrate and embrace yourself.
You are amazing, so keep hanging in there and love who you are.

Jason's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Harrison Ford (in "Star Wars")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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André

André, age 4

Baton Rouge, Louisiana (1972)

I recently came across this photo as I was scanning old slides for my parents.
I remember it was Easter of 1972. I'm holding a tiny purse my grandma made from an old margarine container, combined with delicate crocheting.

When I shared this photo with mom, she remarked at how cute my little sister was. When I pointed out that the photo was not of her daughter,
but rather, was of her proud, 4-year old son - she silently turned the page.

Growing up, my sexuality was the proverbial elephant in the room:

Always present, but never discussed.

I've heard we can only see the world with the light we've been given. When it came to my being gay, my parents never had the light they both needed to understand.

In my 12 years of Catholic schooling, just about every report card included the comment, "André is a sensitive boy." That was Catholic school code for "Gay as a daisy."

It was tough growing up "sensitive" and the journey was never easy. It was worth it, though. I can now say I love who I am, and I love the life I've built for myself.

I love that I've learned to honor and protect that sensitive, little boy with the pink Easter purse and black galoshes.

As an adult, I have a terrific job as a writer. I have a wonderful partner and a cozy home with 3 cats. It's exactly the kind of life that I was told would never be an option for me. A life filled with friends, family, and an occasional pink purse.

I live openly and proudly, and try to inspire others to do the same.
And I try to be that light for those who live in darkness.

That's how things get better.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jeanie

Jeanie, age 8

Kentucky, 1989

I was always a tomboy. Climbing trees, strategically placing my GI Joes for battle, and playing war with the boys - always won out over makeup, tea parties and Barbies. I hated girly clothes and She Ra was my hero. When playing house, I wanted to be the dad, as I loved pretending I was in love with the girl playing the mom. I never thought I was different, despite my crush on Alicia Silverstone.

As a young teen, there was so much pressure to like boys. Heterosexuality was implied, and I was confused. I never considered that I was gay, so I acted boy crazy, and decorated my walls with posters of male celebrities.

While all the other girls swooned over Jared Leto in "My So Called Life," all
I could think about was Claire Danes. I wrote off the feelings I had for other girls as "admiration" and ignored feeling out of place.

I began dating my best guy friend and married him right out of high school.
We started a family, and I accepted that I was always going to feel out of place, and would never know why. Until recently, that is...

I've met an incredible woman and I've fallen for her. My epiphany finally came:
I knew I was gay. I came out to my husband first, followed by my best friend.
It's been a year since then, and I have come out to all my friends. Fortunately, only a few rejected me.

But I'm still not out to my family. I'm working up the courage to do that. It's a slow progression, trying to change my life completely, but I'm getting there. It's never too late to start living authentically. I'm doing that a little more each day.

My experiences as a child were vastly different from those who already knew they were gay. So I can't really relate to kids who face rejection and bullying.

All I can say is, be true to yourself.
There is nothing more satisfying than being who you are.

Jeanie's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Alicia Silverstone & Claire Danes
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Aaron

Aaron, age 8

Berne, Indiana (1982)

I think this picture is funny, because I'm so excited about my pink Easter basket. I think I'm more excited than Denise here, my younger, 6-year old sister.

Growing up in a small town in Indiana, I always knew I was different than other boys. I had a very high voice all through puberty, and I was very androgynous. So it was very hard for people to tell whether I was a boy or a girl.

But that androgyny has paid off now. At 37-years old, people still guess my age as late 20's or early 30's! I love it!

I remember being attracted to boys/men in the 1st grade, having a huge crush on my swimming instructor. All through grade school, I much preferred playing with the girls on the playground, instead of anything involving a ball.

Music and stage quickly became my vice. I was a boy soprano up until 8th grade, then an alto as a freshman. But that also led to many taunts of "f*g" and "sissy."

I remember playing superheroes with my cousins at family outings, and I always laid claim on being "Wonder Woman." I could never figure out why none of them ever argued with me about being her - not even my girl cousins!

But today - I am who I am. I have a wonderful family who accepts me and my partner. While they're fundamental Christians who will never approve of me being gay, they do accept and love me!

My advice to young people, or any people with a fear of coming out is:
Most of the people you're afraid to tell that you're gay - already know. They're just waiting for you to be comfortable enough with yourself to approach them with it.

It's generally not a surprise to anyone. And if they say it is, they're more than likely lying for one reason or another.

With that being said: It's OK to wait until you are comfortable to have a conversation about it. Move at your own pace!
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Sandro

Sandro, age 5

Tbilisi, Georgia (1988)

I think a was about 8 or 9 when I have realized I had feelings for men. I did not know at that time those feelings were of a sexual nature. But now that I recall my childhood fantasies, they couldn't have been gayer.

I have a sister, and we used to play Barbie dolls together, where we were best girl friends. I've always associated myself as a female character.

But I didn't connect that to my sexual orientation, or being gay.

Later in life I discovered I fell for boys instead of girls.

I dreamed about Brad Pitt and the Backstreet Boys, and listened to Barbra Streisand and Paula Abdul.

I was suffering from the feeling that I was the only "weirdo" who had these feelings for the same sex.


I was about 13 when I first saw a program about gay men on Russian television. I exhaled with joy to learn that I was not the only one.

I haven't found my love yet, despite having many boyfriends and endless blind dates and encounters. But, I know that I am not the weirdo I thought I was.

I am still very feminine and love to do girlie things.
I love cooking, cross dressing, make-up, gossip, and cute boys :)

Be who you are, because you were born this way, too.

Sandro's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Brad Pitt
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Amanda

Amanda, age 4

Prospect, Colorado (1993)

Growing up in a conservative household was the most difficult part of understanding who I was.

I didn't realize my orientation until I was much older.

But there were subtle clues and almost constant feelings of confusion in my childhood.

Such as, I made my Barbies kiss. And why not? Ken and Barbie could kiss!

I loved to play in the dirt with trucks, and loved having dinosaur birthday parties.

As I grew up, my family constantly put down gays and lesbians, telling me and my brother they were all damned in God's eyes. I hurt and felt ashamed of myself, and the feelings I was having.

Especially when I developed my first crush on a girl named Salina.
And I knew I couldn't tell my parents how isolated I was feeling.

Now that I'm on my own, I don't have to hide anymore. I have the support and resources I need to help discover more about myself. And I couldn't be happier!

So if you ever feel alone or unsure of who you are, don't worry.
We've all been there, and will help each other get through it!
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Felix

Felix, age 5

Upstate, New York (1960)

This is a picture of me and Skeezix, my first dog.

I don't remember having any celebrity crushes at any time. Joan of Arc isn't exactly a celebrity?

But I'd say I had some role models: JFK, James Dean, Superman, Huck Finn, Robinson Crusoe, and Maynard G. Krebs.

I wish we had Rachel Maddow back then.

I had an instinctive dislike for Chuck Connors. I'd beg to stay up late, just to catch his humiliating toss from the Fort. His sword broken, buttons torn off and spat on.


I was quite sure I was different by the time I was 7 or 8, when the "birds and bees" story circulated the playground.

My first reaction was to suggest to my "best friend" a position I replicated with my hands. I made a peace sign with both hands, and connected each hand between the two fingers, aka a scissor sister.

And I said, "Well, couldn't we just.....?"
Her reaction made it quite clear, "No. We can not"

Later in life, I was lucky enough to come of age in the San Francisco area in the early 1970's. Now, I've found a role model called "Hothead Paisan" in a great comic book by Diane DiMassa. Wanna know what an angry dyke thinks like?

Thanks for this blog. I hope it gives some people faith to just be who they are.
And to fight for feminism. Remember, your gender is NOT determined by your sex.

Now go get out, and save the world.

PS:
Please describe me as a "gay woman" (though I am a lezzy). We are being written out of the word GAY, in the name of inclusiveness! We say "gay and lesbian" - as if a lesbian is not gay. Dogs aren't cats, right? Please think of this in terms of how the debate is framed. And thank you, again.
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DC

DC, age 7

Victoria, Texas (1974)

At work the other day, while mopping the floor with one of those old stringy mops, I had a flashback to when I was about 8 years old. I was at my Grandmother's house, and I grabbed her mop from the garage. Leaning it up against a chair, I began playing "beauty parlor" by braiding and combing that nasty, dirty mop head. This, while my brothers were outside playing in the dirt.

I knew I was different from a very young age. When I was about 5,
I remember asking my mom if she thought I had a good figure.
She told me, "Little boys don't worry about their figures."

Growing up in a small South Texas town in the 1970's, there were no gay role models. I didn’t even know what being gay was. Yet, people at school called me "f*ggot." How did they know
I was gay before I did?

Did they somehow see my eyes lingering on the guy in the 7-Up commercial that I loved so much?

Or did they know how happy I was when MTV would play Elton John's "I’m Still Standing" video?

I didn’t know I was attracted to men, I just thought I was jealous of them.
It was the only emotion I could link my feelings to.

Years later, I realized that people who call other people names, are only doing it because of ignorance. I now forgive them for that, as the bigger person.

I came out in college. Lucky for me, I have amazingly supportive parents. When I was trying to tell my mom I was gay, I couldn't get the words out through the tears. She finished my sentence for me and hugged me.

"It doesn’t matter to me one bit, sweetie," she said. "I'll tell Daddy, and at least I know I'll always have someone to go shopping with." I love my mom.

Being a gay teen is never going to be easy, but you can be happy.
I found happiness, and April 2 will be my 20-year anniversary with my partner.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Mark

Mark, age 8

Houston, TX (1967)

I grew up with a conservative, though not religious, Texas family. When I was 7, my mother caught me with a neighbor boy in my pup tent in our backyard one afternoon. We were unclothed and in full glory.  Awkward!

Afterward, my mother asked me about it. I don’t recall my answer, but clearly understood that she was quite concerned.

My mother never told my dad about that incident.

As far as I was concerned, what I was doing was totally natural. But I realized that I had to hide my activities.

I experimented with a string of neighbor boys until I was 14.
At that point, I realized I might get caught by the wrong person.

I had no idea I was gay yet. In my environment there was simply no word for it.

I wasn't effeminate, but was always small for my age. Perhaps the only reason I was never beaten up was because I loved masculine energy.


I played Army, built forts, often played in the mud, went skinny-dipping with friends, was an avid Cub and Boy Scout, and even a US Marine.

On the outside I was the quintessential boy, and enjoyed regular boy activities. Yet inside, something was always missing. What was missing, was coming out and acknowledging I was gay.

When my blond, attractive girlfriend failed to "make the gay go away" when I was 23, I dropped the pretense (and her), and went to a gay bar. I discovered it quite by accident, and it was located only a few blocks from where I lived at the time. I was out with a vengeance and rapidly made up for lost time.

After a couple of failed attempts at relationship building, I found my man.
We've been together since 1988, and got married in California 20 years later.

I opened up to my creative self and I'm a published novelist now, too.
And I love our gay life together here in Chicago.

Mark's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (in "James At 15")
We're the same age, and I devoured everything I could find with him in it.
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Nino

Nino, age 6

Manila, Philippines (1992)

When I was a kid, my mom always loved to dress me up as a girl.
Maybe because I had no sisters then. Or maybe she saw it coming?

As you can see from the photos, I was never in an awkward moment. I look really happy and comfortable wearing those girly outfits. And my mom even snapped the photos. I guess she knew that I was different, and I'd appreciate these things someday. She was right, and it's a real treat seeing them as an adult.

I felt I was different from the other boys at school, but I didn't 'out' myself until
I was in college. I felt more comfortable with my sexuality, became happier, and knew that things are going to be better.

Moms always know best, so talk to your mom and your family. Ask them for their support. They'll be surprised at first, but they'll accept you for who you are.

Embrace the real you.
You'll find true happiness when you do.