Veronica

Veronica, age 5
Chicago, Illinois (1948)

I actually remember this photo being taken across the street from the apartment building where my family lived in the East Rogers Park area of Chicago. I’m on the right with a big nervous smile because the neighbor girl, with whom I was smitten, had put her arm around me to pose for this picture.  Even at this age, I already appreciated that my feelings were not the same as those of others.

“Oh, wow, she has her arm around me!” 

Gender roles were extremely rigid during the years of my childhood. In Catholic school, I was always in trouble. The nuns persecuted me because I didn’t behave like a typical girl.

Eventually I grew to hate the nuns and would purposely pull stunts to mock them and to make the other kids laugh. I became a “discipline problem.”

The left side of my report cards was filled with A grades for the course work; but the right side of my report cards (which was for deportment) was always full of checkmarks.

Yes, I was a “tomboy,” but I also played with the girls. I just couldn’t get the other girls and the boys to play with each other.

Being different became a lifestyle for me long before I came out. Sensing that I would never marry, I focused on being smart and getting an education – knowing that if I didn’t, I would probably have a bleak life. Working my way through college at females’ wages was difficult. As a woman back then, earning a PhD in science was also a long and hard haul – but I did it!

From my earliest memories, I always felt different; and from my earliest memories, my crushes were female – but the attractions were so innocent that I didn’t come out until the age of 24. In college, I dated guys, who were very good “catches” - but I didn’t sleep with them.

My generation was the one that pioneered “The Pill” so I was able to pull the “good girl” routine to avoid intimacy. Sooner or later, my boyfriend would “get serious” and that would be the end of the relationship for me – because I just didn’t have “feelings” for him.

I didn’t understand why my girlfriends were so focused on their love lives until I fell in love with a woman who was already out to herself as a lesbian. Then, I got it!

And it didn’t take long to get political as a lesbian feminist.

Veronica's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Gail Davis ("Annie Oakley")

Charles

Charles, age 13

Georgetown, Ontario, Canada (1975)

This photo was taken in our kitchen with a friend, and it was the last year I was allowed to go out trick or treating. I remember being very excited and proud of this Mickey Mouse costume that I put together all by myself. You can see the excitement and panache that I had - while my friend simply put on a mask with whatever jeans, t-shirt and jacket he was wearing, and just stood there.

I always felt different. My earliest memory of this was about age 5, as I remember wanting to be picked up and held by a friend of my step-father. I didn’t know I was gay, just that I wanted to be close to a man. I remember the first time I heard someone use the word “fag” but I didn’t know what it meant.

I soon learned that "fag" wasn’t a good thing to be called.

I am the only boy in my family with 5 sisters. While I enjoyed playing road hockey with the other boys in the neighborhood, I also spent lots of time with my sisters playing with their Barbie dolls. I also showed my little sister how to pierce Barbie’s ears using straight pins with the pretty “pearl” tips which we took from our mother’s sewing box. I also would tease Midge’s hair and give her the most fabulous “up-dos” and use scissors to make her skirts shorter and sluttier.

At school I was usually found skipping with the girls rather than kicking a soccer ball or whatever the boys were doing out in the field. No one seemed to care, but then in Jr. High I realized that I had to ‘butch it up' if I was going to survive through high school.

The first person I told I was gay was my sister who is just older than me. I was in college at the time. I made her swear not to tell anyone else. Little did I know she told her boyfriend (his attitude toward me never changed a bit), and eventually most of my other sisters. I finally got the courage to come out completely and tell my mom (on Mother’s Day) when I was 30.

My fear that I would be disowned and ostracized from the family turned out to be unfounded. Today I am happily married to a wonderful man, who attends all our family events with me.

Everyone comes out in their own time and special way. For most of us it turns out to be a non-issue. If you think you are gay and you feel like your life is terrible, remember - IT GETS BETTER!

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Russell Johnson (The Professor on "Gilligan's Island")

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Glen

Glen, age 4

Los Angeles, CA (1992)

I've always considered myself to be one of the girls. Here I'm with my younger sister.
I remember it so vividly, because this was a moment when I literally took my cousin's pink Barbie Convertible and drove it around the area as if I was "Malibu Barbie". 

Even though I got a similar toy that I could move about in, I wanted the "Pink" one. Looking back at this photo made me realize I wasn't the average boy who played with Tonka trucks and such things. Rather, I enjoyed playing with dolls and pretended I was a girl. I would dress up with towels and blankets, making my own outfits.

But it wasn't until 1st grade when I realized that one of the boys in my classroom was extremely good looking. I wanted to become his best friend only to be closer to him. As I got older, kids my age would notice my mannerisms and realize that I wasn't acting "normal", but acting "gay" or "fruity."

I knew I was gay when I saw Disney's "Cinderella" and loved how she got to wear those glass slippers. That compelled me to start walking in my mom’s pumps. At that moment, I was ready for the ball.

I loved walking down the street in those heels. I felt powerful, liberated, and free to express myself in a way that nobody else could have understood.

Another memory is playing with my mom's long hair. I thought she was so beautiful with that long, wavy look. I wanted to have long hair, just so I could play with it and be able to flip it back and forth as I walked around. 

All these moments are what helped shape me up to the individual I am today.
And I'm very proud to be who I am.

I always follow my heart and ambitions, and live by these words:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent" - Eleanor Roosevelt

Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Kevin Costner ("Dances With Wolves")
I loved that naked butt of his!

Steve

Steve, age 9

Pocatello, Idaho (1970)

Here, I just turned 9 and our Cub Scout den is putting on a pageant for the Catholics, at the local Knights Of Columbus hall. I liked Cub Scouts a lot, and loved earning merit badges - especially the ones involving cooking or writing.
I particularly liked dressing up in the uniform; twisting my kerchief just so, positioning the blue and gold metal neckerchief slide, and fastening the clasp on my shiny brass belt buckle.

But I liked tonight’s dress-up attire even better. I got to play a knight in the pageant, and Mom and I designed an elaborate costume that is sure to be a hit with the audience.

And Voila! - I'm now the gayest knight Columbus never had. Neither of us thought this at the time, of course. That awareness would come later.

After the photo shoot, Mom called Dad in to show off our handiwork.
He wasn't pleased to see his son in tights, glowing orange or otherwise.

I flash to another night, two years earlier. Mom helped me dress as a Barbie doll for Halloween. I've never forgotten the look on my father's face when he saw me. He pulled Mom into their bedroom, but I heard every word of their fight.

That was the night I understood I'd never be the son he imagined I would be.

Dad refused to let me leave the house until I had changed into 'the kind of costume boys should wear.' I could see that Mom had been crying, which made me start to cry. She calmed me with her soft voice, telling me she had a better idea anyway. And in no time she transformed me from Barbie into Casper the Friendly Ghost.

But on this night, I hope my father sees past the tights, to acknowledge this costume in service of something masculine: the brave warrior armed for battle.

I'm age 50 now, with 30 of those years spent with the man I love. I no longer cover my face in service of masculinity. Rather, masculinity serves me. My father remains mired in 1960, still worshiping some ghost of a son that will never materialize, and unaware of the one who survived.

But I have only gratitude:
After all, he made it possible for me to be born this way. 

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crush:

David Cassidy (Keith on "The Partridge Family")
He was singing "I Think I Love You" directly to me. Check out the lyrics - reminiscent of 70's-era same-sex love.
______________________________________________________

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Adam

Adam, age 6
Palm Desert, CA (1990)

"Pretty in Pink!"

This pic was from my brother's birthday, so I informed my mother that I was going to wear my favorite pink outfit since it was his day - and I was going to be his 'lady in waiting.' Oh, boy.

I was obsessed with my model horse collection, Olympic divers, and practicing the piano. I think that sums it up.
 
I first knew I was gay around age 4, when my family went bowling and I was very taken with the man in the lane next to ours and his crisp, white shorts.

Looking back at this pic, the only crime here is a shirt tucked into elastic-waist shorts.

Otherwise, rock on!

Adam's first, famous-person same sex crush:
George Michael

Jeremy

Jeremy, age 8

Charlottesville, VA (1989)

Five states before my move to SF, CA, I was busy practicing gay stereotypes as a jazz dance student.  This photo shows me getting amped for my dance class's annual performance. My mom says she assumed I was gay from age 6 onward. Shocker, right? Seeing this photo today cracks me up.

"Work It Out"

Even though I cared about having friends then, I was always doing my own thing. That said, I'm glad to have left my relationship with spandex back in the 80's.

Aside from all the standard stuff (friends with as many girls as boys, didn't like traditional sports, displayed tons of dramatic behavior, etc.), notable examples of my burgeoning gayness include:

• Obsessing over Jessica Rabbit in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit."  It got to the point where I would watch the movie on repeat, while drawing little scenes of myself and Jessica hanging out together.  I would cry each time the film ended, because I didn't want Jessica to go away.
   
• Obsessing over Madonna. I would choreograph dance routines to her songs and perform them for my mom's friends. My poor mother...  When Madonna's "Vogue" lost the Video Of The Year award in 1990 to Sinead O'Conner, I sobbed hysterically (see a pattern here?) and ranted at the television.

I always knew I was different, and so did other kids. I bit the bullet by coming out at age 13, and ever looked back.

Jeremy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Dolph Lundgren ("Masters Of The Universe")
Which is weird 'cuz I don't normally go for blondes

Patrick

Patrick, age 6
Detroit, MI (1993)

From the jump there were plenty of "pink flags" that clued in that I was gay. I was an extremely naive, gentle, sensitive soul that HATED anything associated with masculinity - but not by choice of course (LOL!)

I was more interested in music, dancing and sarcasm. ;) I remember playing house with my next door neighbor very frequently (as early as 3) and ALWAYS being the wife.

Also, my very first same-sex kiss was at age 13 with another neighbor boy, and that's when I was sure that I was - as they say - "strictly dickly".

I cried a hell of a lot before this pic could be taken.



It's funny to think that now I have a penchant for theatrics in photos.

I'm fond of this picture, but not because of the fugly sweater I'm wearing. Rather, I'm fond that despite how much I bawled beforehand (it was bad), how amazing a picture it turned out to be. 

Patrick's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Mario Lopez (AC Slater on "Saved By The Bell")
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Rich

Rich, age 10
Queens, NY (1956)

I’m in the back wearing glasses. I was 10, and the bike was a lovely color red.
I remember that my parents gave me a choice that year of either having a birthday party, or getting a bike for Christmas. I chose the bike. I’m not sure who I was posing with, maybe Butch from around the block. I don’t know why he’s holding my bike, but it did leave me free to hold him. 

Gertz Department Store had a kids club, which showed movies a few times a year and gave out prizes. The film was always Tarzan with Johnny Weissmuller, and I really loved watching him all but naked swinging through the trees.

I don't remember a time when I didn’t feel just a bit different, a little tentative, or a bit unsure. But I also knew I was kind of special, even if others didn’t know or recognize that.

Rich's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Johnny Weissmuller ("Tarzan")
I still have a movie still of him hanging in my bedroom

Ryan

Ryan, age 5

Jersey Shore (1978)

Saturday Night Fever was still in theaters, and at age 5, it was my clearly favorite movie - as can be seen in my fabulous polyester attire in this picture. My normally dark brown hair was continuously "tinted" blond with that amazing peroxide hair product of yesterday - Sun-In.

"I really love this picture, and I would still rock that outfit!"

Looking back, I always had an 'I don’t give a f*ck what you think about me' attitude. I liked being the weird, different, and always most fabulously stylish kid around.

As I grew older, things just kept pointing towards big homo. I passed on school sports and took private figure skating lessons.

In Cub Scouts, I was the one who painted my pine-wood derby race car with my mothers red glitter nail polish.



I had doctors' notes to get me out of gym class so I could take a second chorus class instead. I took a lesbian to the prom. And in the time passed since this picture was taken 33 years ago, I have seen over 200 Broadway shows.

At this point, it's probably not a phase: I'm a sissy.

My first major man-crush was a big one: John Amos, as James Evans on the 1970’s sitcom “Good Times”. The reason for this was clear: He was a big, hot, sexy actor. They always had him in the freakin’ tightest pair of corduroy pants, and didn’t even try to hide a massive bulge going down one leg. I never missed an episode!

To this day, when I watch those re-runs on TV, I still get excited seeing that big, hot, packin’ daddy.   

Ryan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Amos (James Evans on "Good Times")

Greg

Greg, age 4
San Francisco, California (1987)

I won't say that it goes without saying that my San Francisco preschool was pretty, um, laid back. But it was. I remember field trips where we would all pile into Jane's (the Grace Slick look-a-like head of the school) Ford-whatever station wagon and drive while singing folk tunes. It was like a Benetton ad on wheels.

"Hey, Mom!"

The other item of note in this flashback is that the car always had a unique skunky smell which, at 3 years old,
I couldn't quite pinpoint. That car is one of four main things I remember most about the school.

Also, it had a great garden which I meticulously tended to. It's where I discovered the joy of Cup-O-Noodles, and in the front of the school, there was a dress-up corner which I frequented.

This photo was taken by my mom in that corner, when she came to pick me up one day.

All-in-all, I think if nothing else it shows how fashion forward I am even at such a young age.

I don't think there was ever a time when I didn't know I was gay. I had a girl crush in 1st grade - but it was 1st grade so I don't count it. I loved watching WWF on Sunday mornings, but mostly for the wrestlers.

I didn't come out to my parents until I was 15 and, surprisingly, they didn't take it so hot at first.

Now, 13 years later, everything's dandy and my mom dug up this gem a few years back. I think it's absolutely hilarious and clearly a testimony to the importance of quality pre-kindergarten education.

There's no telling how I would have learned that my hair looks good
in wide-brimmed grass hats without Jane's guidance.

Greg's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Antonio Sabato Jr.

I think my first crush would have been the now-defunct International Male catalog. I was also a big fan of my Dad's surfing magazines.

Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
Salem, Oregon (1977)

This is a photo of me (on the right) and my brother, Charlie - proudly displaying the treasures from an Easter egg hunt in the back yard. Our parents had just divorced, which I remember as a painful time, but clearly we were enjoying an annual childhood ritual here.

 "Dressed up in my Easter Sunday best."

As a toddler, I had a mop of curly hair and long eyelashes, and people often would mistake me for a girl. Perhaps that's why, as a youngster, I felt free to embrace interests that were considered "girlie":

Wonder Woman, Ms. Pac-Man, soap operas.

It wasn't until I was 13 years old, desperately trying to blend in with my peers, that I started to feel ashamed of being different. Salem was a close-minded place where few dared to challenge the mainstream. I kept most of my quirks hidden and didn't come out of the closet until the age of 27.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Sean Astin ("The Goonies") & Ricky Schroeder ("Silver Spoons")
______________________________________________

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Josh

Josh, age 5
Winchester, Virginia (1979)

This is a photo of me dressed as a witch at age 5 or so, on the sun deck at the house I grew up in. I'd like to say it was Halloween, or at least October. Typical, since I spent much of my childhood in some kind of costume or drag.

"My pretty!"

I have a vague recollection of this outfit. What I remember most is that my mother helped me make it.

I remember that blue fabric was used in many costumes by folding and draping it in different ways.

We obviously made the hat and the broom. The black gloves were hers.

My parents loved me and nurtured my creativity and never tried to dissuade my interests.

My mother once helped me make a hoop skirt. Her friends would bring me dresses that they bought at the Union Rescue Mission for cheap (loved that yellow tulle ball gown!).
 

Looking at this pic now, it looks like a stereotype. But at the time I remember being loved for being exactly who I was. And I am so grateful for that.

I always felt different. From 4 or 5 on, I really became aware of myself as different from others, especially from other boys (except for a few, but I won't name names).

I loved the Wizard of Oz and especially the Wicked Witch of the West (shocker). I remember being captivated and a little repelled by Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares, seeing something of myself in him, and being a little afraid of it.

Thinking back, there was code like that all over. It's fun to decipher in retrospect. I finally found words that described me to myself by about middle school. I started coming out to friends in high school, exploded out of the closet in college, and I haven't looked back ever since.

Josh's first famous person, same-sex crushes:
C-3PO ("Star Wars") & Michael J. Fox ("Family Ties")
C-3PO was so sensitive! I had a cardboard wine suitcase full of
Michael J. Fox pictures I cut out of teen magazines
_____________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
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Melissa

Melissa, age 6

Lewistown, MT (1988)

I remember thinking I was a boy, seeing no difference between me and other boys. Wearing boy clothes, playing with G.I.Joes and Legos, playing Army, and other boy games. I had crushes on girls, because boys have crushes on girls, right? It wasn't until puberty began that I really realized that I was indeed a girl, and that sent my world into upheaval.

I was so confused, and turned upside down. When you are little they just label you a tomboy, but when you get older, you are expected to fit into these gender roles that never ever worked for me.

My crushes on girls were then perceived as me 'really wanting to be their friend', and becoming extremely shy and nervous around them. I thought I was a shy kid, an introvert.

But once I reached high school, and I met other gay people, I finally understood what all these feelings meant: I wasn't different or weird.

I was just queer. And that was awesome!

I wasn't shy or introverted, I was just crushing without a way to express myself. The time I spent trying to be something I am not did not last very long.

And lucky for me, I had a rather supportive mother who didn't begrudge me wearing boys/mens clothing. And today, I am not unlike my 6 year old self.

I wear all boys/mens clothing, I love women, and love to play the games boys play. My short time pretending to be something I was not was a miserable time, and I will never ever do anything like that again.

I'm here, I'm queer, and I love it!

Michael

Michael, age 4

Lake Isabella, California (1971)

This was my first doll (the first of many). My earliest memory of being different was standing up while peeing probably around 4 years old. I remember looking down at my penis and thinking to myself 'There's been a mistake.' I remember I had a long list of reasons why I should have been born a girl: 'I like playing with girls, I like the clothes girls get to wear, I like their toys' - and it seemed a very logical appraisal of why someone had some explaining to do!

"My first doll"

I come from a very small, rural town in California. Even though I'm currently having some disagreements with my parents, the one thing I can really thank them for is their acceptance of me as a child.

They bought me whatever I asked for, no matter how effeminate, and never made me feel ashamed of myself. 

At this age I also realized that I wasn't necessarily like other boys, but my home was always a safe haven. I could be myself there and play with my dolls and not be judged.

One of my favorite memories is of my father taking me to a toy store and telling me I could get whatever I wanted. I remember bringing Barbie Mall up to the counter, and waiting for the cashier to ring it up. My father simply stood beside me as if it was a racetrack. I felt very loved that day.

As an adult I asked my mom why they'd let me play with dolls, etc. She told me that she and my dad had discussed it when I was very young, and started asking for dolls. They were worried that I may turn "queer" but ultimately decided that they would give me what I wanted, and hoped I'd grow out of it.

No matter what the reason, they never made me feel ashamed of myself.
And I will always be thankful to my parents  for that.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lee Majors ("The Six Million Dollar Man")
___________________________________________________

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Eddie

Eddie, age 8
Fontana, CA (1987)

For my First Communion, all the boys were instructed to be dressed in black & white suits, and all of the girls were to be dressed in little white dresses with lace veils. By this age I knew I was gay, and most definitely was drawn to the art of self expression. I told my dad that what they wanted me to wear was 'Boring, lacking uniqueness, and not very colorful.' After he toned down my original ideas, I compromised with an acceptable suit for the special day. Here I am in it with the priests - and a big proud smile as an accessory.

"My First Communion"

According to my family, my gay qualities were very apparent from a young age. I was lucky enough to be raised by two gay dads, and it just so happens I'm gay too.

My dad used to tell me about dinner parties they would have. He said when I was around 4, I cascaded down our staircase one night with a towel wrapped on my head, as if wearing a "big hair" wig.

I went to each of my dad's dinner guests to give them a kiss goodnight on the cheek and make my final goodbyes, as it was my bedtime.

After I went back upstairs, everybody looked at my dad with shock and asked him, 'What in the world are you teaching him?'

Of course, my dad spent the rest of my childhood laughing and explaining that all of my "grandiose" ways, were most certainly self-taught.

On the day of this pic, not only did I receive my first communion (which I was very excited for), but I also realized I could be a little different without much of a hassle from others. Either nobody cared - or my pride blinded the care they had. That day very much was a part of the puzzle which makes me who I am today.

If only I could share the VHS tape I have of that day. My dads had a party for me and my Uncle Steve and Aunt Mendi were there with their new video camera - and boy did I put on a show for that camera!

I started off by doing my infamous Dolly Parton impersonation, moving on to a "western" improv play with friends. I played a busty saloon owner who gets held up and robbed by a group of traveling outlaw cowboys who just rode into town. And yes, I was only 8 years old.  

Today I'm a proud gay man, with a very loving partner.
And I'm proud to say, 'I was born this way!'