Kenny

Kenny, age 11
Detroit, Michigan (1985)

Every Halloween costume from my childhood was female. Over the years, I'd dressed as a witch, a bag lady, a gypsy, a girl vampire, and a girl clown. This one is a particular favorite, since most of my costume clothing here was loaned by my mom. Tonight I would tell people I was "a girl punker".

I wore my mom's shoes, skirt, and jewelry. I think we bought the neon shirt at the mall, and it doubled as part of an outfit for an upcoming dance recital where, I did a routine to Cyndi Lauper's "She Bop." Midway through the number, the stage went to black light, so fluorescents were a necessity.

My mom did my hair and make-up, and she said, 'Rod Stewart hangs his head upside down and blow dries his hair to give it height.'

And so, that's what we did.

I'm guessing this photo was taken by one of my parents. I'm biting my lips in order to conceal a giant smile I was holding in, because I couldn't wait to get out trick or treating that night.

Oh, and my mom still hangs that cardboard skeleton in our house to this day.

Kenny's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Scott Baio

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Mike

Mike, age 6

Orlando, FL (1987)

On my birthday here, I was told we were going to a family member's house for my birthday, and I picked out this outfit that morning, because I wanted to stand out from everyone else at the party. It was going to be a long drive from our place in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and I napped on the way. Little did I know when I woke up, that the first thing I'd see was the Disney World road sign, and I was so surprised and excited! We spent the whole day doing Disney, and it was one of the greatest birthdays of my life. I got to see all my favorite characters that day!

"Snapshot. Take my picture. Snapshot!!!"

I didn’t know I was gay until I was 12, when I first knew there was a word to describe how I felt. I ALWAYS liked boys, but I thought all boys liked boys, so I never felt “different” and didn’t know there was anything else to feel.

I really miss that spirit I had as a kid.

I wore whatever made me feel good, and didn’t care what anyone else thought about it. Now, there is so much pressure to wear the right brands or the right styles, and that takes the fun out of life.

My message for the gay kids of today is:

Don't lose the wonderful spirit that you have. The only thing you have to hold on to as you grow, is your spirit!

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

New Kids On The Block

The entire band! I had the lunchbox, the pillow people, the posters,
the action figures - EVERYTHING!

Eric

Eric, age 13

Council Bluffs, Iowa (1988)

Being born and raised in a small town in Iowa, it's probably no surprise that I didn't really fit in with the other kids at school. Luckily, my father is a musician, and I've been singing since I learned how to talk. So I spent most of my childhood performing with my father all over the country!

In my pic, I'd just won a national talent competition. I was probably re-enacting the pageant in my living room, when my mom snapped me in my preferred choice of clothing. I guess some things never change.

I'm very fortunate to have very liberal & accepting parents who encouraged me to be who I am, and do what I love!

I'm 35 now, and I've been making a living by doing just that: I've traveled all over the world singing and dancing!

If I had to do it all over again, I would have come out the moment I first had a crush on a boy in the 3rd grade. People were already making fun of me, and I should have just been my authentic self.

But, I've learned that things definitely do get better. I have a great family, a close support group of friends, and I'm grateful for that every day!

I think the little boy in the picture would be pretty proud of how far he's come!

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Ritter (in "Three's Company")
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Aaron

Aaron, age 8

Southwest, IN (2001)

This is my 3rd grade production of "Pecos Bill." I KILLED that role, but remember being a little irritated that the play ended with me marrying
Sweet Sue. What I'm twirling is a giant "snake" - take from that what you will.

"Red bandana thankfully *not* a premonition of things to come"

After this, I was bitten by the acting bug and kept busy in children's theater and choir in a bigger town near me, which gave me an outlet for my creative energy and flamboyance.

When I reached 7th grade, I was hit with the trio of pubescent awkwardness: fat, glasses, and braces. This, combined with my flagrant swishiness,
did me no favors growing up in a small, farming-and-mining, Bible-belt town.


I came out when I was 14 (although I'd known for years before then), and I remember my mom being terrified for me. All she could think to say at first was that I couldn't tell anyone else, that I should at least try to pretend with girls, etc.

My parents and family became extremely supportive - they're founding members of PFLAG! - and were a godsend through the dark days of junior high.

I dropped everything artsy except choir by the time I reached high school and favored academic teams. This led me to my saving grace – volunteering for the Obama campaign in Indiana, with a bunch of post-menopausal, progressive, LGBT-friendly women. Through the campaign and other kinds of Democratic, environmental, and pro-choice activism since then, I found my meaning in life.

If I hadn't been gay in my environment, I don't think I would have found it in me to care so much about politics, and how the people I can help elect can drastically change my world for the better. For that, I'm extremely grateful.

I'm finishing high school now, and am going to either Harvard or Stanford this fall to major in political science. Although show choir is about the limit of my arts activity today, I still think of the days when I could become whoever I wanted to be on stage. I think that played a big part in helping me have the courage to become the man I am today.

Aaron's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Hayden Christensen (Anakin Skywalker in "Attack Of The Clones")

He seemed so sweet and cute then, although I cringe if I see the movie now

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Ryan

Ryan, age 9

Anaheim, CA (1988)

Here I am, playing dress up at my Grandma Ginger's house. She was an amazing 'actress' type who had closets full of shoes and fur coats that I salivated over.

"I wasn't allowed to actually put her clothes on, but..."

When I wasn't playing with the Hollywood Legends paper dolls she bought me, I was using her sheets to create wrap dresses or long flowing skirts.

And I knew that her Roberto Cavali gowns were off limits.

Looking back on this photo, I find it funny that she cared about the Cavalis and not the shoes my dirty, little feet would slip so delicately into?

After all, aren't a woman's shoes her pride and joy??
Go figure!

My grandma passed away before I came out, but in my heart I know she not only knew, but loved me all the more for it. I think she was also kind of excited for me, and quietly sad that she wouldn't be around to go out and hit the town with me.

When we, as a society, speak about generations and how they're programmed to react to the unfamiliar, the example of my grandma always comes to mind.
I find it a hard sell to say 'generations' just exist like that.

We are ALL individuals - in our gayness, in our straightness, in our open-mindedness. And in our ability to love and accept others. That is the only thing that will set us free!!!
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Bernie

Bernie, age 4

Chicago, Illinois (1948)

One Halloween, our mother dressed up me and my brother Dennis (age 3, on the left) as Carmen Miranda. For those readers unfamiliar with Ms. Miranda, she was a popular Portuguese-born Brazilian singer, actress, and Hollywood film star in the 40's and 50's. She was particularly noted for her signature fruited turban, which my mother tried to emulate in the costumes we wore.

I think she did a pretty good job with my towering turban, long grass skirt, lei, and one of her clutch bags that I used for trick or treating. Most boys this young, of my era, dressed as cowboys or pirates, and I can't imagine that we asked to dress as Carmen Miranda. But we apparently cooperated - lipstick and rouge to boot! - and we look happy with the end result.

At an early age I shied away from competitive sports and much preferred solitary, creative activities like making plaster Disney characters, copper enameling, model kits, wood burning, reading and baking. While I loved making cakes when I was about 9 or 10, I somehow felt that it was an activity that should be kept confined to my immediate family.

I knew something else was going on when I read comics or magazines that had pictures of hunky guys in bathing suits. I would place the tip of my finger over the bathing suit and imagine that these guys were totally naked. I was also smitten with Buster Crabbe who played Flash Gordon in the 50's TV serials. He was later replaced in my heart by Tim Considine, Tommy Kirk, and the other teenage boys acting in film and TV at the time.

I went through grammar school without a girl friend, but in high school did the required amount of dating. On dates, I'd often find the waiter more attractive than the girl I was with. While he wasn't famous back then, Harry (Harrison) Ford lived in my neighborhood. He was in his "hood" phase at the time, and was often out strutting around dressed totally in black. And I thought he was quite sexy. Anyway, by my early 20's, I was going to the gay bars in Chicago.

Around that time, my brother came out to me, and it wasn't long after that our parents learned that they had two gay sons. After a bit of a rocky transition, our parents became very accepting of both of us.

I'm now a retired businessman living in suburban Chicago with my wonderful partner of almost 38 years. We will probably be "civil unionized" this summer, now that Illinois has passed a civil union law. We might also go to Iowa and get married, although we'd much prefer to do so in our own state. 

My brother Dennis, seen in the picture, had a wonderful life. But he was gone too soon, and cut down by AIDS at age 46 in 1993. I wrote a little speech for his memorial service, and in it I made reference to this picture, wondering out loud about my mother saying: 'What was she thinking?'  The audience, my mother and father included, couldn't help but laugh.

Nature versus nurture? I don't think my mother knew in 1948 what the future held for her sons, nor do I think our Carmen Miranda costumes made us gay. But it was still a momentous beginning, don't you think?

Bernie's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Tony Dow (Wally on "Leave It To Beaver")

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Val

Val, age 6
Mexico City, Mexico (1996)

Here I am, and I remember how much I loved to be a Boy Scout. Oops, sorry - I mean Girl Scout! I started to feel I was different in kindergarten, when I just couldn't take my eyes off my female teacher.

In grade school, all I wanted to do was innocently kiss my girl friends. And then, feeling SOOO GOOD when I had my first real kiss with a girl

I used to feel something funny in my stomach while watching movies like "Lost & Delirious" or "The L Word" on TV. 

In closing, I want to say to all young gay kids that it's wonderful to have the gift of loving someone - no matter the gender.

Because it's beautiful to fall in love, and love the soul of that person.

Val's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sandra Bullock

She is my forever total crush

Glauber

Glauber, age 4
Rio Grande do Norte, Brazil (1994)

Here I am on the phone, pretending to gossip with friends about news and current events. I always had a different way of behaving, and always liked to be near my mother and her friends. And I loved listening to them talk and gossip.

"I love hearing the news!"

By around age 13, I was sure I was "different". Besides the awe I had for my schoolmates, I loved watching "Teletubbies" - and I wanted to be Tinky Winky.

Today, I look at this picture and have a wonderful sense of self pride, because now as an adult, I have the same unique way of showing my personality.

I wish for all young people to understand that being gay is a positive thing about our lives, because it's a way to demonstrate the love of a neighbor.

Long live diversity!


Glauber's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Elton John

And I've always loved his music, too
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Uli

Uli, age 4

London, UK (1983)

I think my Grandmother took this photo, as it’s her high-heels I'm wearing - although I have no real memory of it being taken, or who the girl in the cart is. It's interesting that I’m outside in a public park, parading around in heels so unselfconsciously. I do have memories of scampering around in the bottom of her wardrobe closet. I would find some high-heels and totter around her bedroom, and she'd let me do it. And I remember it was the best fun ever.

My mother showed me this photo when I was 8, and I recall feeling ashamed of it, and thinking how terrible it would be if anyone from school saw it. I wanted the picture buried and kept secret, even if I didn’t understand exactly what it all meant then. So it feels really good to share it here now.

I also played with Barbie dolls at this time, and I loved them. My Mum would take me to a big department store and allow me to pick one that I liked for a special treat. I think it's great that she did that. That kind of story is echoed in a really sweet children's book called "William's Doll" by Charlotte Zolotow.

Playing with these dolls was wonderful, and my first crush was a Ken doll, with his intriguing anatomical protrusion. But it was also a source of unease for me, because I felt on some level, that playing with dolls was wrong.

Also in the pic, check out the length of my hair. I had bright, almost white blond hair as a boy, and with aging hippie parents, they generally kept it long.
I remember women would comment to my Mother that I looked like a girl.

Eventually mum grew concerned with what other people were saying, and took me to the hairdresser to get all my golden locks cut off. Afterward, I remember sitting in front of the mirror at home and crying my heart out - and how she felt terrible. Then, in an effort to butch me up, she made me go to Karate lessons once a week, which I mostly hated. Except that it gave me the chance to hang out with all the class girls during breaks. Where there's a will, there's a way...

In hindsight, I think mum was just trying to prepare me for the real world, to ensure that I had the physical strength to bolster my emotional sensitivity.
And I know that impulse came from her love.

I now work as assistant manager at Gay's The Word – the UK's independent and comprehensive LGBT bookshop. Despite my job, I still think I’m somewhat of a hung-up homo. I've never dragged-up for example, and tend to act in a pretty masculine fashion. And honestly, I can be quite self-conscious about this.

So finding this photo again as a 31 year old has been really good for me.

I'm really proud of that little boy that I used to be, walking around the park in high-heels. And I think I’m going to take a page out of his book from now on, relax, and just be myself.
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Kevin

Kevin, age 5

Lancaster, PA (1988)

It was a cool fall day at the Lancaster train station, I'd done ALL of my chores for 1 month, and it was time for my reward - a trip on a TRAIN to Harrisburg with my mom and my grandmothers. I had my little hat on, knee-high socks under my pants, and saddle shoes. I. Was. Ready! I remember being so excited being all dressed up for such a special treat for me. What little boy doesn't love a cute hat and saddle shoes?

I knew I was gay in elementary school, but didn't come to terms with it until college. Looking back,
I wish I would have strapped on saddle shoes and strutted down the halls of my alma mater with more pride than I did.

Being out and proud now (at age 27) is the best thing that could have happened to me.

I am now a teacher and able to be a role model for my closeted (and not-so-closeted) students in Boston.

And - to this day - I am still in search of the *perfect* saddle shoe!

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

I loved his bowl-cut hair
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Shannon

Shannon, age 4

New York, New York (1970)

I grew up as an only child, and despite the cheerful smile, I hated sitting for portraits. Why? Because I was forced to wear a dress. My mother secretly wanted a little boy, so she indulged my preference for short hair, hatred of dolls, and passion for anything from the boys' department. Except, of course, when I had my picture taken. At that point, she would make sure I "straightened up" for the event - dressing me in ribbons and feminizing me as best she could. But she already knew that, for me, a frilly dress symbolized hell on earth!

"Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber: The Prequel"

When I was 3 or 4 and started watching TV shows, I became acutely aware of feeling attracted to women. I even had a type! Bossy brunettes.

Suzanne Pleshette was a big crush. I also liked Aneta Corsaut and Marlo Thomas.

And I'd go mad for Elizabeth Montgomery when she played Serena on "Bewitched."

Years later, when "Charlie's Angels" first aired, Farrah and Jaclyn didn’t do it for me - I flipped for Kate Jackson.

Now I’m wondering if this initial typecasting was simply Oedipal fear of my blond, blue-eyed mother.

Later in childhood - particularly my teens - I began to like boys (a little) and reluctantly embraced conventional ideas about femininity. I understood that assuming the role of a typical heterosexual girl offered advantages. People accepted me and liked me if I didn't look different.

Obviously, however, when you aren’t being authentic, the chronic loneliness that comes from knowing how different you are becomes unbearable. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is so critically important; it is just about the most important thing in life. I learned that lesson, eventually.

Not surprisingly, as I tried to adapt to society's concept of femaleness, I also suppressed being gay. I even had a boyfriend in high school, losing my future Gold Star Lesbian status. Although I acknowledged to myself that I wasn't heterosexual, I made a heroic effort to be bisexual. In college, I acted out the reverse cliché: I experimented with men. Ultimately, those years were a regrettable waste of time.

For gay kids out there who are growing up today, feeling different, I would only urge you to be true to yourself, no matter what. I know how difficult it is and you'll be faced with scary, lonely, conflicted emotions. But I promise you that you're not alone. If you find the courage to be open and honest, you'll discover that nothing else compares. It genuinely makes life tolerable.

Only through your truest self can love, pride, confidence, self-respect and self-esteem - all the things you’re hoping for - begin to emerge. These things do surface when you are honest with yourself. Live a real, open, sincere life. Always.

Don’t let the fear-based bigotry and ignorance of this world take away your personal integrity, your self-love, and your love of life.

Don’t waste precious time. Live every moment for yourself, loving yourself.
And everyone who matters will love you in return!
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Hiram

Hiram, age 4

Bethany, Connecticut (1972)

I was born the 8th of 9 children and grew up on a farm in Connecticut. In this photo, I'm dressed like a hippie with my younger sister Mary. My family was very Republican, thus the elephant doll. Notice I'm holding the doll, not Mary.

I always knew I was different, and though there wasn't anything I was more proud of, I was also very insecure about being loved by all people.

Whether it was people I wanted as friends or not, I was just sure that everyone needed to love me.

I had an absolutely wonderful childhood due to two loving parents.

Speaking of my family, my mom's brother is also gay. But accepting that I was gay was very traumatic for me, and lead me to look for life's "pain killers."

I had my first "experience" in Boy Scouts with "Jack" when I was 13. I was also infatuated with "Jeff" my high school friend. I guess I was 14 when I first accepted myself, or cried for the first time when I quasi-accepted I might be gay. But I didn't truly come out to myself until I was 26 years old.

Today, I'm a 42 year old man who has been in a loving, monogamous relationship with my man. Actually, this week on January 28, 2011 - we celebrate 15 years together!

I wish I could have been more secure with myself earlier on, as that could have lead me down different roads. But things happen for reason. My man happened for a reason. I love him dearly, and he reminds me it's funny how life flows.

As far as my family is concerned, I am fully loved and my partner is accepted as one of the family.

Hiram's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Michael Landon (on "Little House On The Prairie")

Dan Haggerty ("Grizzly Adams")

I actually brushed my hand against Grizzly when I saw him at a fair when I was about 10. And yes, of course I still think about it!! ;)
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Michael

Michael, age 11

Syracuse, NY (1986)

I remember this moment vividly, because it was our 5th grade school photos at our Catholic elementary school. The photographer was a gorgeous man in his 20's, and I was in love for the first time. I was feeling quite fierce that morning, and decided to wear my outfit from last Easter, since it was a big hit.  Overall it was a good day, and the picture speaks for itself.

"5th grade school photo and feeling fierce!"

I did have a pretty terrible childhood with an alcoholic father who left us (twice), and dealt with the taunting of the mean kids. I knew I was gay when I was 5, but didn't have the word to describe what I was feeling.

I really struggled to make sense of it, and kept the secret which was slowly making me insane. I can recall feeling so alone and wondering why I was so different from other kids. 

What really helped me through it all was my best friend Paris, and a song called "Hold On" by Wilson-Phillips.

I would listen to that song EVERY DAY and hope that I would eventually be OK.


All in all, my experiences made me a very strong and fabulous person. I am very happy with who I am and what I offer the world. My core belief is that I am a person of integrity. No one can take that away from me, ever. When I look at this picture now, I feel awesome! I am GAY and I think that is a special gift.

My message to the LGBT youth struggling now, is the same that helped me:

HOLD ON - and know that you are loved, and it gets better.
Reach out and get the support from all of us in the community.

And remember - what you resist, persists.

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")

Patrick Duffy (in "Dallas")

Scott Baio (in "Joanie Loves Chachi")

Manuel

Manuel, age 3

Oviedo, Spain (1955)

My friends see this pic now and tell me how I remind them of Jane Wyman in All That Heaven Allows. Which flatters me, and perhaps it predicted what would be my future. I always loved Jane Wyman in that movie, and Rock Hudson disguised as the gardener.

"My first day of school"

I was the smallest boy in my catholic school, and all the nuns (even the bad ones) immediately became my 2nd mothers. But they seemed so foreign to me, and I'd ask them questions like: 'Do you eat? Why are you dressed like that? What's going on in your mind?' They adored me, as I was a very nice boy.

Later, I went to work as an actor in children's theater and I'd recite poems standing on a chair. I sang songs, and people said I looked like Pablito Calvo, a famous child prodigy from that era. He was the actor in Marcelino Pan Y Vino, which is a great Spanish film of 1955 (the year of my birth), and a film that I still love.

Another signal of me being gay back then?

I was very into films and movies as a boy, and still am. I still love The Sound Of Music the best, and more recently Douglas Sirk's Melos and Far From Heaven. Julianne Moore is one of my favorite actresses, of course.

But it was the actors who I had crushes on, such as Charlton Heston, Doug McClure, Rock Hudson, George Hamilton, Troy Donahue, Michael Landon, James Franciscus, Robert Wagner, Warren Beatty, Jeffrey Hunter, Richard Harrison, and Stephen Boyd. Whew! :)

While I really didn't have an awareness that I was different as a child, my dreams were clearly telling me something just the opposite.

And it took me very little effort to be completely sure.

Manuel's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Robert Conrad
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