Alex

Alex, age 4

Ames, IA (1976)

That's me in the green footie pajamas, kissing another boy.

I've always loved this photo, and I refer to it as "mom's first clue".

I have a very clear memory of being a young child and telling someone:

"God made a mistake.
I should have been born a girl."

What makes a child say something like that?


I guess it's that I've always known there was something different about me,
and those were the only words I had to express it at the time.

I was a bit of a troublemaker as a teen, always getting into trouble. I once read a quote from a gay writer (I can't remember his name, sadly) that perfectly summed up my teen years.

He said that until he accepted his difference on the inside, he wore it on the outside. And that was me to a T. I fought that difference, literally, always running from the truth in the mirror.

And then - I found the theatre. Acting. Directing. Writing plays. The ways that it saved me can't begin to be counted. It gave me a space to be me, without fear. Rather ironic, given that I was constantly being anyone BUT myself on stage.

I had a single mom that figured me out early in my teens, and fished around for it until I told her when I was 21. It wasn't until I saw how hard others had it, that
I TRULY appreciated how valuable that unconditional love really was.

I only wish I hadn't spent so much time afraid to admit to myself who I was.
I certainly had no reason to be afraid. At least not with my mom.

For those of you with perhaps less supportive parents or family? Hang on!
There's a whole world out there ready to love you. And YOU get the power one day to define who and what your family is, and who belongs in it.

It's pretty awesome. Honest.

Today, I'm legally married to my husband and we're looking into adoption.
I could never have pictured this future, as that confused teenager.

So please hang on to see where your story goes. I bet it will be amazing.
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Bryan

Bryan, age 8

Bolivar, Ohio (1984)

Lawrence of Arabia?  Nope, it's me Bryan - in one of the costumes my grandma brought back from her travels. I wore this outfit so often, she once told me once she'd have to go back overseas to get another! In fact, it was rare for me not to be in costume: cowboy, air force, king, preacher, etc. One time, I dressed up my favorite action hero in a hoop dress, and I'd enter into another world.

My mom, who had good intentions, often tried to "man me up" by throwing balls at me. I never could catch a baseball.

The musical "Annie" was the soundtrack to my early life. Indeed, at times I felt like an orphan.

I felt, who could understand me? Most times I didn't even understand myself!

I always knew I was different, but I didn't always know why.

One night as a young teen, my family was watching Donahue on TV. There was a gay couple on the show, and I innocently inquired as to what was happening.

My dad answered back to me: "If you ever want to try something like that, you should let me know." Why? He said he would, quote: "Take me out in back of the barn and put me out of my misery."

Years later, before my dad's passing in 2008, he was working as a security officer at a local hospital. He was on a suicide watch, and the man he protected was gay. I'm told that dad, a man of relatively few words, counseled him: "I know things seem bad now. I have a gay son. He went through the same rollercoaster ride. He just got married to his partner. Things will get better. I promise."

And they do!  Things do get better! I married my partner in 2008, and we adopted 3 dogs and a cat.  We're thinking about adopting human kids now, too.

I barely made it to this point, but life has worked itself out in unexpected ways!
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Glen

Glen, age 11

El Paso, TX (1981)

I remember as a kid that I was different from other boys. But I did not know what the word "gay" meant. Once I turned 13, I understood why I felt the way I did, as far back as age 5. It was a challenging time to come out, and the news of a "gay disease" was at its peak.

My parents would not understand at all, stating:
"They should take all the gays and people who are infected with HIV and drop them on a secluded island."

That was devastating to me.

I left home at a young age, joined the military, got married, and had kids. But it didn't work; I knew I was different.

I "came out" at 26 to a still very non-supporting family. My parents did not stand by me and disowned me.

I realized that if they didn't accept me, I had to be happy and be myself. And I'm okay with that, because I found myself. I love expressing myself through music, and know that I was born this way.

Thanks for creating such a wonderful blog.
I hope it inspires many to be true to themselves.

Lori

Lori, age 9

Alexandria, Virginia (1976)

"Trick or treat"

I remember wanting to wear my brother's suits very badly when I was young.

Here, I creatively did this Mr. Bicentennial costume so that I could dress in a boy's suit for Halloween. I really felt like I was getting away with something.

I knew that I was different early in life. But it took until I was 23 to put those feeling into words, first to myself and then to let others know. I look at this picture now, and just laugh knowing exactly why my mother said "Yeah, I know" when I finally came out to her.

Even though she did know, she was still forever hoping that it would be a phase.
It took until my partner and I had children before she truly accepted my sexuality in a way that felt real.

I did not have many bad experiences with family or friends once I finally came out. Prior to coming out, I would often be around friends or family that made demeaning remarks about gay people. And it always made me feel bad.

Once I came out, I think it helped some of those individuals open their eyes to the fact that gay people are everywhere. And that we are not something to fear.

The message I would like to give gay kids now is:

No matter how difficult your situation is in your family, in your town, or in your school there are people to connect with that will help you through this. The most important step that you need to take is to let the words out to someone you trust.

Holding in those words about your truth is often what hurts the most.

Lori's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Kristy McNichol

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Kevin

Kevin, age 4

Akron, Ohio (1959)

Here, my older sisters dressed me up in their clothes, put me up front, and my dad took this picture. Looking back, a couple of things strike me about it. First, sisters are probably always wanting to dress up something or someone, like dolls or brothers, but most 3-year-old boys wouldn't allow it. Second, I struck a pose that gives it all away. I'm thankful my dad found the camera and actually took the picture, without protesting or objecting.

And notice my sisters weren't dressed nearly as pretty as I was!


I first knew I was "different" at 3-years old. I have a vivid memory of being in the back of my dad's '55 Buick station wagon, and seeing a really old man sitting on the ground in front of a building in downtown Akron, Ohio.

For some reason, I knew he had something I lacked, and I wanted it from him before he died. Turns out, that something I was missing was heterosexuality. That's a big word for a small kid, and I'm not saying that I knew exactly what was going on at that moment. But I do know that I felt different than my dad, brothers, or other men in general.

It was a sad moment for me, but it was the beginning of my knowing and understanding myself. I always knew down deep that I was different or gay, but I finally came out to myself and others at age 25.

And now, my life is good. I have a partner of 7 years, and 2 sons I adopted as infants, who are now 12 and 10 years old. I am out at work and everywhere I go. I don't believe in the closet - it's too stressful.

If others don't like me because I am gay, that's their problem. I already went through the self-acceptance process long ago -- starting with this picture of me in a dress!!!

Kevin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Don Grady (Robbie on "My Three Sons")

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Jimmy

Jimmy, age 11

Randle, Washington (1993)

Growing up in a small town the size of a highway was never easy. Boys definitely played boy roles, and girls played girl roles. And I was caught in the middle, and always felt closer with girls my whole life. I also felt I had to be a girl in order to be with a boy, and I didn't know what "gay" was. I had that feeling until age 11, and then my mindset changed, and I finally stopped asking God why.

I figured out that I liked who I was, and I could be with a boy and stay a boy. I never felt like I was a girl, so why change that?

I was always teased because I was much more feminine than anyone else in my school.

I always tried to act tougher, but it was never me, nor did it fool anybody. And when I tried to change who I was, it only made things worse.

But along with the teasing, threats ruled my life. I came home from school many times crying, running into my mother's arms. And, asking her what a "f*g" was.

I'm lucky that my mom and dad were always there for me. Maybe it's because they saw what I went through daily, or that I had a bit more skip to my step.

Now every step I take is with my head held high, instead of looking towards the ground and hoping nobody screams anymore names at me. 

All the good and the bad from my childhood made me the man who I am today, and I love that person. I left that small town and now live in San Francisco, where I can walk down any street holding my partner's hand without fear.

In the near future we hope to adopt and expand our family, and we've been chatting about it on our blog, DaddiesJourney. In the end, it was all worth it.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mario Lopez (on "Saved By The Bell")

I remember growing up and dreaming about Slater
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Teresa

Teresa, age 8
Bloomington, CA (1984)

I remember as a kid, I was always a tomboy. I always hung around boys - or girls that were tomboys. I spent the most time with my uncle who's only 5 years older than me. He was always more like my brother than my uncle. I loved playing all sports with him, including tackle football.

"I was never a girlie girl"

I guess I always knew I was different from the girlie girls, and my favorite past times were catching lizards, climbing trees (I climbed ones that even the boys wouldn't, because they were afraid of spiders!), and I loved going fishing with my grandpa.

When I was about 4 years old I asked my mom, 'Are you sure I'm not a boy?' My mom tried very hard to make me a girlie girl, but it never worked. Although, once she entered me in a local beauty pageant when I was 10, and I won 2nd runner-up Queen.

Coming out to my parents was a very negative experience for me. I've learned over the years to just not bring up the fact that I'm a lesbian to them.

But I now have a wonderful life partner. We just celebrated our 13th anniversary together, and we have a 7-year old daughter that we adopted together.

Fortunately, my partner's family is very supportive of our relationship, and our daughter is able to grow up having a typical grandparent relationship with them.

I've found in my life that I have been very fortunate to have wonderful supportive friends that I consider my family. My partner, daughter and I are very involved in our Unitarian Universalist church, and we have many wonderful close friends in our congregation that we consider family as well.

My advise for young people struggling with coming out is: Be yourself, you're beautiful just the way you are, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If coming out is a negative experience for you, I can understand what you're going through. I've learned in my life to just surround myself with those that accept me as I am, and not who they want me to be.

I know things may be hard right now, but trust me that as you get older and surround yourself with those that love you and accept you as you are, you'll discover that the ones that didn't accept you are the ones with the problem.

You are beautiful just the way you are.

Teresa's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Nancy McKeon (Jo on "Facts Of Life")
I remember how much I loved that show because of her. She didn't care that she was different from the other girls, and wasn't afraid to just be herself.

Eric

Eric, age 12

Lincoln, Illinois (1972)

I was raised on a pig farm. This picture was taken at my 12th birthday party, at a weenie roast we held in the corn crib. When I wasn't singing along to Jesus Christ Superstar, I was listening to Alice Cooper, Uriah Heep, and Frank Zappa.

"The queerest farm boy, ever"

For a farm boy, I was always a 'flashy dresser'. I wish you could see how cool that shirt is under the safari jacket.

My idol was Graham Kerr on "The Galloping Gourmet" TV show. I think for my class picture this year I had a neckerchief tied to the side.

At 12 I was already 6ft tall, so my innate flamboyance was hard to miss.

I felt like a complete alien, and 6 months after this photo was taken, I tried to kill myself. I failed, struggled through high school, and escaped to Chicago in 1979.

I met my current husband of 22 years in 1989, and in 1995 we adopted our daughter, who just turned 16.


I wish I could go back in time and whisper into this desperately unhappy boy's ear, to let him know how much love and joy he's going to experience in his life.

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Race Bannon ("The Adventures of Jonny Quest")

Bill Bixby (on "The Courtship of Eddie’s Father")
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David

David, age 5

Anaheim, CA (1993)

And so began a lifetime obsession with Disneyland.

I remember always being so excited to walk down Main Street and go to the castle.

Even back then, I had a fascination of finding my Prince Charming.

I've always liked this picture because I look so innocent and wide-eyed.

I still remember this moment quite vividly as well, as it was on our way out from Disneyland.


I remember running inside one of the gift shops and begging, yes BEGGING, my parents to buy me a Minnie Mouse doll. I remember my mom laughing so much and taking this picture.

I don't particularly like Minnie Mouse today, but maybe I appreciated her style? Who else can rock a big bow and polka-dot dress like Minnie does?

I always knew I was different, but only knew what my feelings were when I was older. Now, I can't wait to take my kids to Disneyland one day, and see what kind of pictures are produced.

David's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zack Morris on "Saved By the Bell")
Devon Sawa ("Casper")
Yes, I had a thing for blond boys when I was younger 

Tricia

Tricia, age 10

Winnetka, Illinois (1974)

This is a pic of me with my 3 younger brothers, two of whom are also gay like me. My 7-year old fraternal twin brothers are to my right, and my 8-year old brother David, is to my left.

I'm gay, David is gay, and one of the twins, Graham (next to me on my right) is gay! So hey, 3 out of 4 ain't bad! We fondly call our brother Andrew (far left, arms folded) the black sheep, since he's the only straight sibling.

Back then, I was always a tomboy. I wanted to be Tarzan, or a cowboy, or Superman when I grew up. I always wore short hair and boy's clothes. I would be so proud when a stranger commented on my mom's four boys.

I had a huge crush on my 3rd grade teacher, which is when I knew I was different. I had fantasies of saving her from a burning house. My mother was always trying to feminize me, but I would play hooky if she forced me to wear a dress to school.

I fell in love with my roommate at an all-girls boarding school when I was 16.
I didn't come out until after college, though. Today I have a loving partner of 20 years, and two beautiful children, both of whom are definitely straight.

And now, my daughter tries to feminize me!

Tricia's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Julie Andrews (in "Sound Of Music")

Elizabeth Montgomery (Samantha on "Bewitched")

___________________________________________________

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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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Jack

Jack, age 6

Portsmouth, RI (1963)

This photo was taken in my parents living room, which I fondly remember with 50's furniture and knick-knacks, and which I cherish till this day. And there I am posing with my Kimono, a gift from my Aunt Irma and Uncle Jim who were stationed in Japan at the time. In pictures of me as a child I always seemed happy and always smiled for the cameras.

But from an early age I realized I wasn't like the other boys, and I always knew that. I wasn't a fan of sports (although my father and grandfather loved them with a passion I never understood). While I was happy to play sports, I didn't care much if I won or lost - I was just happy to play.

As such, I was usually picked last to play on a team. I absolutely loved playing with GI Joe dolls, but mine were never fighting - they were usually packing up their uniforms to go on vacation to the beach. LOL!

I always loved the idea of vacations and travel. When I got older, (around 13)
I use to pack a small suitcase and take a bus to the local airport and sit at the departure gates pretending I was going on vacation. At the end of the day I would simply take the bus home.

In hindsight I guess kids knew I was slightly "different," and I guess I don't remember a time in my life that I didn't know I was different, although gay wasn't the word I attributed it to. I never formed a lot of friendship with other boys while growing up, and more easily formed friendships with girls. But I did have a couple of good male friends while growing up in high school.

During college, I formed a number of strong male friendships, with a strong emphasis on drinking. However, I guess my choices of TV watching in the 60's being the annual airings of The Wizard of Oz and Rogers & Hammerstein's Cinderella should have told me something.

Like many others my age, my efforts at being straight and entering marriage eventually failed. However - that marriage resulted in two wonderful children am I thankful for every day, who accept me the way I am. Coming out wasn't a perfect experience for me by any means, and I put it off until my early 40's. But then again, coming out is usually not perfect experience for anyone.

I have a great family who I love dearly. I have to especially thank my partner of 15 years who has made my life complete and who I love dearly. He challenges me to be a better person almost daily. Without him, I would probably have remained in the closet for many more years, wasting additional time.

Life is very good being the real me.
And I don't have any doubt about it - I was born this way.

Jack's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark Goddard (Major Don West on "Lost In Space")