Glen

Glen, age 11

El Paso, TX (1981)

I remember as a kid that I was different from other boys. But I did not know what the word "gay" meant. Once I turned 13, I understood why I felt the way I did, as far back as age 5. It was a challenging time to come out, and the news of a "gay disease" was at its peak.

My parents would not understand at all, stating:
"They should take all the gays and people who are infected with HIV and drop them on a secluded island."

That was devastating to me.

I left home at a young age, joined the military, got married, and had kids. But it didn't work; I knew I was different.

I "came out" at 26 to a still very non-supporting family. My parents did not stand by me and disowned me.

I realized that if they didn't accept me, I had to be happy and be myself. And I'm okay with that, because I found myself. I love expressing myself through music, and know that I was born this way.

Thanks for creating such a wonderful blog.
I hope it inspires many to be true to themselves.

Paul

Paul, age 2

Fort Worth, TX (1969)

Here I am at age 2. I don't have a significant number of memories from this time, but don't I look great? The pink balloon and the Hollywood shades say it all. While I grew up in a city, my family had ties to ranching and farming, and I did not enjoy the "man's work" that was involved on the ranch that much.

While I didn't mind shooting a gun and fishing, I did not enjoy digging post holes. My "moment of knowing" I was different was probably watching game shows with my mom. Paul Lynde ("Hollywood Squares") and Charles Nelson-Reilly ("Match Game") always made my mom and I laugh. It was sort of a secret we shared, because my dad and brother never really got that humor.

My first same-sex crush was probably Shaun Cassidy on "The Hardy Boys" TV show. And now that I think about it, I think I liked Parker Stevenson more. But Shaun had that album with "Da Doo Ron Ron," and I played it over and over, singing into a hairbrush the whole time.

As for a message to young kids now, whether gay or not, my advice would be:

Live your own life.

It's tough sometimes for everyone. Gay kids aren't the only ones with rough times. We're at a time in history of telling straight kids to understand how tough life is for gay kids - but like so much else in life, it's a two-way street.

Those straight kids may be going through some pretty rough times, too. While I'm not religious now, I like the the part of the prayer of St. Francis which says, "Seek first to understand, then to be understood". Another great quote is from a bumper sticker: "Prejudice rarely survives experience."

Gay kids: reach out to your straight classmates and help them through a tough time. I promise, they will be there for you when it's your turn.

PS: I'm really thankful for whoever took this picture, and that it survived!

Paul's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Parker Stevenson & Shaun Cassidy ("The Hardy Boys")
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Ashley

Ashley, age 10

Spring, Texas (2000)

I remember secretly watching Showtime on a school night. I don't remember what was said, but I remember exactly how I felt when "Alice" winked at the girl across from her on "The L Word." I totally died from that small interaction. Died.

I can remember as far back as 3rd grade when the feelings arose.
I was always a tomboy and I loathed any attempt to try to mask that fact with dresses and frills.

Awkward would be the one word to sum it up. And I have many women in my family who have perpetuated that awkwardness.

When I took this picture, I was comfortable and unaware. Before the realization that manly was what I looked like sometimes, when I was comfortable.

Then the realization did come, and the second I laid eyes on it, my stomach fell. I knew what I saw and didn't like it.

But a cute girl in my class did like it, which made me feel a bit better. My mom did too, which eased that feeling even more. My grandmother, however, tossed those positive reinforcements out the window, cocked her head to the side and said: "You look like one of those ‘What’s Up’ girls."

"What!?" I said, even though I totally knew. "Gay" she said. And now my stomach had left the building. I went to my room and stared off in silence, with that wrenching feeling like she insulted my entire being.

I was never ashamed of being gay on the inside, just afraid that it had the power to show on the outside. I was aware that it was taboo. And I was aware that I didn’t want to be taboo in anyone’s eyes.

Every picture of me after that until high school was an awkward rollercoaster. How should I sit? Oh God, did I do that smirk? Is my Adam's apple the ONLY thing you can see?

I sometimes carry that particular self-consciousness today. Partly because I also operate very femme, things have changed, and I'm not as rough as I used to be.

But looking back on things now, I would tell today's youth not to disconnect from any of it, but to embrace it all - and just smile for your picture.

"We need your voice. Your voice is important. Without your voice, part of me gets lost. Because each person we lose, is a loss for everyone." – In The Life, TV

Ashley's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Tatyana M. Ali (in "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")

Leisha Hailey (in "The L Word")

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Christie

Christie, age 6

Ft. Worth, TX (1968)

I was a tomboy from the start, and I always wanted to be a knight, a superhero, or the Lone Ranger.
I loathed dolls, homemaking, and dresses.

My dreams were different from other girls once I was in school, and they, too, sensed the difference. I failed to adore the boy hearthrob of the moment. And I was in love with Julie Andrews!

I think today we see a much better world for queers. There is much more acceptance, and I think that one day soon, I may get to marry my beloved lady. Today, I DO get to practice martial arts, I try to be the best White Knight that I can, and - I am still in love with Julie Andrews.


My best advice to young gays and lesbians is to trust in yourself and your feelings. Become aware of all the negative socialization that bombards you, and learn to separate that from yourself.

Love yourself, love others, and follow your heart.

Ernesto

Ernesto, age 6

El Paso, TX (1991)

When I stumbled upon this picture a few years ago, my first thought was,
'Wow, what a homo!' Then I thought to myself, how nothing really has changed.

I was always a sensitive boy, with my head in the clouds and my heart on my sleeve. Even when it wasn’t a class requisite, I still used to buy Valentine cards for the girls on the school bus. I was semi hoping for a girlfriend, or at least my own Valentine - none of which I received. Even though I had this 'way with the girls,' it truly wasn’t what my heart desired.

My angsty teen years - which could be perfectly narrated by Christina Ricci - were kind of lonesome. I had no one to commiserate with, and no gay peers. Then high school came, and I began to embrace my homosexuality. I would no longer awkwardly dodge the 'are you gay?' question.

And I began to taste my freedom.

It took my moving to a different city to fully be me. I have lived in Phoenix and New Orleans, and I am grateful to now have the gay support system I needed. It is through these experiences, and my amazing friends, that I am building up the strength to one day come out to my mom.

Now, my favorite color is Blue, favorite animal is the Lion (although some would argue it's a Bear), my favorite game is Scrabble, and my favorite holiday is still Valentine’s Day.

Ernesto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Omri Katz (in "Hocus Pocus")

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Alyson

Alyson, age 6

San Antonio, Texas (1991)

My little sister is the short one in the photo, who came out 5 years before I did. The photo was taken before either of us knew what it meant to be gay. It's the first time walking to the school bus stop by ourselves for the first day of school.

I'm dyslexic and always felt different, yet it took a while for me to allow myself to know I was gay - even if I was consistently "gender queer."

I remember worrying about my attraction to women from as early of an age as 10. Still embarrassing to this day is my attraction to Jamie Lee Curtis, and her character in "True Lies."

In middle school, I was curious about the LGBT community, but it worked itself out via my interest in artists like Michael Stipe, Allen Ginsberg, Oscar Wilde, and other male icons.

That was easier than opening up the Pandora’s Box of my attraction to women.

So yeah, my younger sister beat me to it. I think my family expected my sister to come out as gay. Unlike me, she never lied to herself or others by pretending she was interested in boys. She might have also had the advantage of knowing more clearly what her attraction was. This goes to show that everyone is different.

Alyson's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jamie Lee Curtis (in "True Lies")
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Ben

Ben, age 6

Dallas, Texas (1984)

This picture still cracks me up! I mean, look at me: the posing, the tutu, the Bronco's t-shirt (???), the bow in my hair, mom's heels, and a cocked leg!

I wonder what my sister, Erin (background) thought when she saw me? I also wonder who took this picture? My Mom or Dad?!

My parents said they always knew - hmm, I wonder how! While I don't recall this particular dress-up, what stayed with me was what my Mom lived by and instilled in us:

She'd say, 'Let's put on a show!'

My mom (RIP) was a showy woman, and she liked prizes.

Today I'm a showy man, and I like prizes too. Coincidence?

And in one way or another, we have been playing dress up ever since. Luckily for me, my parents always accepted us just the way we are. They encouraged me to be and do whatever I wanted. Thankfully, I never wanted to be a ballet dancer or a football player, because I still can't dance or catch a ball.

I was probably about 10 when my attraction to men started to kick in. I knew I couldn't love Wonder Woman forever, so I switched gears to "Growing Pains."

I crushed on Jeremy Miller (Ben Seaver) for when I wanted a cute friend to kiss, and Allen Thicke (the dad) for that sexy father figure role. Also, I loved Ricky Schroeder on "Silver Spoons." Sooo cute! And last, Jerry Sharell, as Mickey the bass player on Kids Incorporated!

Of course I also loved "My Little Pony," brushing out my sister's Barbies hair, and flipping through the International Male Catalog. What can ya do?

Who knew that I'd grow up wanting to be an ice skater, then a musical theater performer (who acts and sings, not dances), and who now manages a hair salon in Boston - that my husband owns?! That is pretty cool.

And anything is possible for anyone - even for a little gay boy from Texas.

Ben's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Jeremy Miller (Ben Seaver on "Growing Pains")

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Charles

Charles, age 6

Denison, Texas (1984)

As Christmases went, 1984 was a harvest of presents – and my Cabbage Patch doll was the featured crop. I adored her thick, coarse mane of brunette yarn hair and attached birth certificate - which proudly informed me of her given name, Christine. Although I look less than thrilled in the photo, I was in fact elated by both the doll and my brand new "Alvin & The Chipmunks" slippers.

"A Cabbage Patch Christmas"

My 4-year old brother Cameron (right, who now identifies as bisexual) was never one to care what others thought, a trait that earned my admiration long ago.

But his joy was obvious this Christmas day. After all, he received not one, but two dolls.

I, however, knew that boys were not to own dolls. Which is why I was displeased when my parents caught this Kodak moment.

At least they hadn't opted for a photo when I actually opened the box. Why?

Because I'd shrieked with glee.

When I look at this photograph now at the age of 32, I'm amazed at how loving and encouraging my parents were. Not all Texan parents indulged a son's fondness for dolls. And certainly not all parents actually bought their boys such dolls. To my great joy, I learned to read via my mother's purchase of Rainbow Brite Storybooks. Any good grades I earned in elementary school were rewarded via my father's purchase of bedazzled My Little Pony toys, at my request.

Whenever Cameron and I broke into Mom's closet to play dress up – and then insisted upon a fashion show whenever neighbors visited – Mom and Dad never blinked an eye. They never forced me to be someone or something I was not. As a kid, I enjoyed Hot Wheels and hot pink. I stayed true to myself, and that was the best response to an intolerant and unsympathetic world.

At the age of 4, I realized I was gay when I developed a crush on Scotty, my best friend. My feelings were certainly not sexualized at the time, but my crush was undeniable and intense. Whenever I asked to kiss Scotty and lay next to him – like the characters in my mother's favorite soap operas – he immediately told his own mother. That in turn caused a great rift between our two families. Sadly, that was the first in many lessons of the cruelty of my peers and of society; even parental affirmation could not shield me from viciousness.

I first came out at 16 by telling a close friend and fellow marching band member. This was a radical act in 1994 and Governor George W. Bush-era Texas. That brave admission was an initial step towards honesty and self respect. And I never stopped being myself.

Indeed, that is my advice to all young gay people: Be yourself.

Whether you adore the color mauve or hope to win the World Series, take pride in yourself. You are amazing, and you will offer so much to the world. Never let anyone else convince you otherwise.

Charles' first, famous-person same sex crush:

John Schneider ("Dukes Of Hazzard")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Chacha

Chacha, age 7

Houston, Texas (1983)

My family recently acquired a stash of old photos, and I found this gem. As you can see, I'm a tough cowboy at the cotton candy stand. I got this cowboy hat at a rodeo at the Astrodome in Houston. I might have had to call myself a cowgirl, but really - I was a cowboy. I was very impressed with anyone who could ride a mechanical bull and often worried about whether or not I could hang on

"Cowboy at the cotton candy stand."

I really liked Lady Diana, practicing being a Solid Gold dancer, and enjoyed the science on the "3-2-1 Contact" TV show.

My first real crush was on Olivia Newton-John, mainly as depicted on her Physical album cover.
I knew it was wrong, but I had to look. I recognized this wasn't normal, and decided I ought to keep it to myself.

I then later fell in love with Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran, because he wore so much makeup.

I was really surprised, actually, to see this picture of me being so tough as a kid.
I tend to fluctuate between being feminine and being tough. The tough part wasn't captured as much on film. So it was a real treat to get to see myself acting, well, like myself, at an early age.

Chacha's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Olivia Newton-John

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Ryan & Kevin

Ryan & Kevin, age 5

Mansfield, Texas (1996)

I'm Ryan (on the left), and this was just a normal day, playing with my - also gay - twin brother Kevin. We'd get in our baby blankets and pretend we were Cinderella and Snow White and have a blast putting on little shows for everyone. I remember singing along to cast recordings of "Annie" and "Wizard of Oz" all the time. We both loved to sing, act and dance, and still do.

I never thought I was that different than other little kids my age. But I didn’t exactly like to do boy stuff like go camping or be outside. I mainly liked doing the girl stuff. I remember we had a neighbor we played with, and she had a lot of Barbies. Kevin and I would play with them whenever we liked.

When we were 6, my mom asked us what we wanted for Christmas, and we proudly replied, 'We want Fairy Barbies.'  That must have been a big surprise for our parents, but that very Christmas we got our very own Barbies! It was one of my favorite Christmases of all time. 

Kevin and I weren't that popular during elementary school. It was very unhappy times for us, and I remember being made fun of for being gay when I was like 9. I didn't even know what the word meant! I thought it meant happy, so in a way it was a compliment. But I knew the way kids said it, that it was no compliment. I didn't know why people were picking on me, just that I felt a little unwanted. 

I remember in junior high phys. ed class that the guys talked about which girls were hot. I knew when a girl was more attractive, but I also knew which guy was more attractive. I felt like the only boy looking at the other boys in that class. I thought that every guy would notice when a hot guy would walk by.

It wasn't until my freshman year of high school that I came out, first to my three best girl friends. They took it well, so I came out to the rest of the school. Everyone took it well, and most kids already knew. This got me picked on a little, but by then I knew how to fight for myself. There was one guy who picked on me in the halls, but his bullying was more psychological than physical.

Coming out to my parents wasn't a great situation. A kid from school told his parents that I came out, and he had a problem with it. They then called my parents - who I had not told yet. At that point, Kevin and I both came out to our mom, and she was great. I think she already knew (we'd asked for Barbies for heaven’s sake!), but my dad took longer getting used to it.

But now, he accepts both of us. And I thank my friends who helped my through that time. They were wonderful! 
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Heath

Heath, age 12

Conroe, Texas (1988)

I came across this picture a few years back while going through some old photos, and could not stop laughing. Being 12-years old and growing up in a small conservative town in the early 80's definitely forces you to keep certain things to yourself. Yet, clearly a hunky, shirtless lifeguard towering over me brought a rather large smile to my face. I believe this photo was taken on a family trip and that is my younger cousin, Erin, oblivious to the very hot guy in front of her.

"The moment you realize something is different - priceless!"

Growing up and realizing I was different than all the other kids was challenging.

Around the 6th grade I began to act "gay" without realizing I was just being myself.

And that's when the name calling and bullying started.

I can still remember the first time someone called me a derogatory slur. It was at the local roller rink, and I was wearing an oversized shirt of patch work prints.

It flowed nicely in the breeze as I roller skated.

A guy named BJ (I know, right? LOL!) came up to me and called me a 'Fairy'.
I had no idea what fairy meant, so I just said 'Thanks' and fluttered off on my roller skates, oblivious to his real intentions.

It wasn't until a few years later that I realized it was probably the first time someone made fun of me for being gay.

In the 7th grade, two boys started to call me f*ggot. By then, I'd figured out that by just being myself, I was clearly giving myself away, so I just put my head down and pretended not to hear them. Gosh, kids can be so cruel at that age.    

Fortunately for me, I did my best to ignore the daily verbal abuses, concentrated on my music, and had a mother who always made me feel loved no matter what.

In the 9th grade, my mother was suddenly taken from our family in a car accident, that shattered my world. Being 14 and a momma's boy, we'd just started to develop a friendship beyond just mother and son.

I never got to tell my mother who I truly was inside, but many years later I asked a close family friend if she thought my mother knew I was gay. She said she always knew - but loved me no matter what, because I was her son.

Mothers are just amazing like that. :)

I am so impressed with the gay youth of today. They are bold, passionate, and self-assured. Things have come such a long way for all of us, and I am happy to be part of the journey.

Oh, and if you thought Erin might be a lesbian, you'd be correct! ________________________________________________

Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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