David

David, age 8

St. Johnsbury, VT (1971)

This was taken during summer, based on the dirty dump that I'm posing in. I have vague memories of pictures being taken there, but I don't remember this exact occasion. I'm quite certain that I'm wearing my sister's shirt. And dig the bowl haircut, that filthy room (the kitchen), and the laundry hanging off the porch.

Completely white trash! 

Due to home and school conditions, my sexuality was the last thing on my mind. But never at any point was I attracted to females, and males were to be feared and avoided.


Ultimately, I didn't consider sexuality until my early 20’s. I was stationed in Germany when I began to acknowledge and accept that part of myself. Not a bad place to start the journey.

The biggest advice I can offer is that all things evolve over time. The bad can go good and the good can go bad. You just have to put in the work to keep it where you want it. Just accept that some things are not meant to be. While some things just shouldn’t be, and some things have to be

David's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Robert Conrad ("Wild Wild West")
Burt Reynolds ("Gunsmoke")

Michael Landon ("Bonanza")

Those are all kinda funny, as I hate westerns! Way too much dirt and gun fights

Craig

Craig, age 8

Simsbury, Connecticut (1970)

Here I am wearing my mom's Polly Bergen wig, pretending to be a hippie at a pot party. My mom was an actress, and I was in-utero for her performance of Buttercup in HMS Pinafore. She was supposed to be "Sweet Little Buttercup" - but because she was so pregnant with me, they padded her sides to make her look like Fat Little Buttercup. Or perhaps Knocked Up Little Buttercup?

The following year, I was breast fed by Mad Margaret. Could we see the handwriting on the wall? I loved theater and used to cue my mom for her roles, like my personal favorite, Aldonza in Man of La Mancha.

"You're a woar..."
"No honey, it's pronounced whore. HOAR... now never say it..."

Back then, I loved the movie Tommy, and was crushing out on Roger Daltrey. But I also crushed on Ann-Marget, hard. I guess I was conflicted? Or Gemini.

Or both!

Advice for young gay kids now is:

Just be the beautiful person you are, however that shakes out. Do not let ANYONE define you other than you. Our greatest gift is our humanity; the bravest choice is to be beautifully imperfect and human - which makes perfect sense in a paradoxical world.

Namaste, I honour the God/Goddess/Light/Intelligence in You. As is.

Craig's first, famous-person same sex crush: Rogert Daltrey
Plus Lindsey Buckingham, and Brad Davis in "Midnight Express"
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Paulina

Paulina, age 7

Quilpué, Chile (1994)

I'm in the white dress here, at ballet class, and this photo is very representative of my childhood. On one hand, you can see my expression of loneliness and sadness. On the other, the obvious efforts of my mother in trying to make me posh and elegant. I always felt different next to all those delicate little girls dancing, so I usually only hung out with the boys.

“Pretending to be soft"

But two childhood situations fill me with memories and feelings of female attractions. In kindergarten, there was a girl whose eyes made me shudder. I could not stop watching.

In my ballet classes, there was a 9-year old girl with the most beautiful smile in the world. I cried with excitement seeing her dance.

It was through dance that I finally discovered myself, and that I always felt different.


A bit later when I was 12, our dance group went to the capital city, for a meeting of many dance groups. There was only one large dressing room with about 150 girls around my age. I was in the hormonal peak of life, and in that moment, seeing myself surrounded by half-naked women, I had an epiphany: 'I like girls.'

But also in that moment, I felt fear. My family was very strict and very religious, and back then, I couldn't listen to secular music and almost all TV shows were banned. It's not a surprise that my religion was against gays, because they think that they are sinners and are possessed by demons.

It took me many years to process my life and think back to that lonely, innocent girl who just hung out with boys. And who struggled to appear more feminine. Finally, I left everything, and fell in love with a woman who filled my heart.

While I lost a lot of people that were important to me (because they believed and still believe that gay friends and their faith are incompatible), I won many new friends who love me and think I'm valuable. They love me for who I am, and not of what I look like.

Today, I am very happy with my wife, Catalina, who stayed with me during this storm. And we just decided to get married. And now, I know that God made me this way. I accept it, and I'm happy.

And for today's gay kids:
Everything bad that you're feeling now, it will all go away. Do not lose hope.

Paulina's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Melissa Joan Hart (in "Clarissa Explains It All")
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Billy

Billy, age 7

Columbia, S. Carolina (1970)

I am not sure how it all happened -- but I was Born This Way! And obviously, not afraid to work a pair of burgundy corduroy Toughskins in grade school.

From an early age, I had an innate ability to talk to the animals, and wore a big ol' grin while doing it. Whether cuddling a pup, or stroking a puss, my charges always felt love and comfort. It seems kind of fitting now that I volunteer at The Wildlife Waystation helping to give a better life to exotic rescues.

White Tigers, Pumas, & Bears! Oh Yeah!

I will never forget the smell of cologne one of my best friend's uncle wore.
I think it was Polo (yes, circa 1980). It made me dizzy to smell his musk.

Billy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Mark Singer &  Christopher Reeve
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Shannon

Shannon, age 6

Gardiner, Maine (1984)

This is me in costume before my very first dance recital, and I was THRILLED. Honestly, I've been gay for as long as I can remember, or at the very least "different", and was able to put appropriate words to it later.

"I do believe in faeries!"

There was a huge sense of closeted shame back then, and when kids on the bus found out I took dance lessons, they'd sing Lionel Ritchie's "Ballerina Girl" to mock me.

But at the same time, I wanted to perform and feel the joy I felt when I was dancing on stage.

There was a time when I would beg to go to dance class, and pictures like this one would be the result. And then my parents would be too embarrassed to display them. That act only served to cement the shame I felt about my desires - be they gay, gender-different, or simply theatrical.

Now I look at this photo and am so proud of the strength I had at such a young age, to try and pursue my own personal truth.

And I can't think of a better lesson to impart to other gay kids. 

Shannon's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Patrick Swayze

'Cuz he liked to dance too!!!

Jurek

Jurek, age 9

Warszawa, Poland (1999)

I'm the boy being hugged in this pic. The blond kid is a friend that I was attracted to, and I suddenly felt an urge to hug him for the photo. Then I panicked thinking 'what the hell am I doing?' 

I always knew I was different, and not just vaguely different. I was attracted to boys, no two ways about it. One of my earliest memories is playing on the grass with a slightly older boy, and doing everything just to hug him.

Even doing normal "boy stuff" I felt like an outsider infiltrating a world that was fascinating to me: Shirtless boys on a soccer field, Boy Scout camping, and don't even get me started on sleepovers!

Then came my 'Eureka Moment' when I was 10, during a sleepover with a best friend I had a crush on at school. We were sleeping in the same bed, and because it was a very hot night, we slept shirtless, and really close to each other.

I'll never forget the emotional and sexual tension I felt. I couldn't sleep, and I basically spent the whole night just looking at him sleeping. And I was like:
'YES! This is me! It's beautiful and I feel I'm alive. I LOVE him, and I feel - happy'. Then he opened his blue eyes, smiled at me all sleepy, and I thought:
Yes indeed, this IS it....'

I never behaved "gay" so most people were surprised when I came out. Except for this boy that I just mentioned. We were supposed to meet again at a class reunion, and before we met, I wrote him on messenger: 'I'll have some surprising news to tell you.' And his reply was: 'You mean, beside the fact that you're gay? What is it? Oh, nevermind...'

I had it relatively easy as a gay kid, compared to many. Even though Poland is a strongly Catholic, above-average "homophobic" country, I wasn't raised in a really religious home, so bigotry wasn't going on. And I went to private schools with kids from more open-minded families. As I wasn't a "sissy" I wasn't really bullied at school for being gay. So I can't speak for those who have it really bad.

But my message to gay kids now, is: Choose your friends carefully, and of your really good friends, tell them you're gay. I told most of my friends beginning at 15, and all of them accepted it - because they liked ME as a person. It can be harder to tell your parents, but if you do, you'll probably finally feel relieved.

My own father - a right-wing conservative - accepted me, and when he saw how happy I was with a boyfriend, he begin to be actively positive towards it! And I know many such stories. So don't be so afraid - there are people who are more tolerant than you think

But, if YOU have problems accepting it yourself, think about it this way: You've been blessed with two feelings that are generally considered beautiful - Romantic love, and the brotherhood of two men as friends. It's a gift! And just think how many awesome people were gay! I started with Oscar Wilde...

Oh, and my best friend from the reunion? He let me hug him as we were saying goodbye - and he even took off his shirt for me. And he is straight as an arrow!

Jurek's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas ("Home Improvement")

Bjorn Andresen (in "Death in Venice")

Skandar Keynes (in "Chronicles Of Narnia")
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Alvin

Alvin, age 4

San Juan, Puerto Rico (1960)

Here I am modeling in front of my Dad's 1956 Pontiac. This is in the center of San Juan, the Hato Rey district. That's a working class neighborhood, and it's where I was called "pato" (faggot) at an early age. Back then, I ran the gamut:

I used to wear my aunt's dresses, put on makeup when nobody was around, dressed up my GI Joe dolls with my neighbor's Barbie clothes, and undoubtedly possessed a sense of fabulousness.

Kids at school used to make fun of my feminine ways, but when I developed a very deep voice during adolescence, they stopped bothering me.

While I never played sports, I became famous in my High School for being our class actor/singer.

Acting and singing during that era was highly respected in Puerto Rico. And if you were a member of the Glee Club, people respected you for that too, and understood your niche in life.

I guess those were different times than now.

Alvin's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Pernell Roberts (in "Bonanza")

Alberto

Alberto, age 3

Jerez, Spain (1980)

Here I am, phoning my friend Villa to talk about the new "chulazo" who had just moved in the neighborhood.

Before finding your blog, and seeing the other pictures posted here, I felt a little ashamed about this pic.

As a little kid, I used to dream about playing with Barbies, and I loved watching Falcon Crest on TV.

I realized I was gay at 5, but I didn't really come to accept it until I was 24


Now, I am a big, proud wolf!

Alberto's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lorenzo Lamas (on "Falcon Crest")

Edgar

Edgar, age 6

Bellwood, IL (1993)

I've always wondered if my parents ever thought I could've been gay when I was a kid. I mean, look at this pose! I guess they had little to no Gaydar, thanks to all those books on the shelf behind me. My parents were (and still are) devout Jehovah's Witnesses.

"The son of a preacher man"

I first felt different around the time this pic was taken, but I didn't have a word for it till I was 13. Strangely enough, seeing this again kind of makes me want to have kids of my own.

Probably because I want to make-up for my parents raising me in a pretty homophobic religion.

I was a bit of a nerd growing up and I got caught up in the Power Rangers and Pokémon. I loved Disney movies, but only during the late 80's/early 90's Disney Renaissance! As I hit puberty, I was a die-hard N*Sync and Britney Spears fan.

My message to young LGBTQ kids, is that they're the vanguard in a long movement where we've all fought for a long time, to just be ourselves.

All that fighting has won them the right to feel perfectly comfortable in their skin. However, if anyone gets in the way of that, they can be sure there are plenty of people who will  back them up and support them.

Edgar's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Val Kilmer & Chris O'Donnell (in "Batman Forever")

Ooh - all that rubber, and especially those abs and pecs...

Glen

Glen, age 7
West Milford, New Jersey (1969)

This is a picture of me and my two brothers. I'm on the top step.
My grandmother wrote 'The 3 Muscateers' at the top. But on the back she wrote 'the three astronauts' since we were all named for astronauts. Glen, Scott, and Dean were definitely common names for kids during the 60's.

I don't recall the pic being snapped, but it is rather telling. We all had some sort of metal canes for the snapshot. My younger brother Dean (now a poet), is on the bottom step looking rather nonplussed about his. Scott (who ended up being the jock of the family) is in the middle, holding his like a javelin. And I'm looking rather dandy using it like walking cane, with my left arm flung casually over the step behind me. I also love the white socks and black shoes!

It must have been around 2nd grade that I recall having those feelings that I now recognize as my inherent gayness. There was a boy in class named Gary C, whose name I still remember after all these years. I just could not take my eyes off of him. I just wanted to be near him. I don't remember much more about him than that - but those memories of staring at him and longing for him are permanently etched in my brain.

During the 1960's and 1970's in the sticks of New Jersey, homosexuality was simply not discussed, even in church. It wasn't on anyone's radar, even though my town was only about an hour's drive away from Greenwich Village, NY.

While I knew instinctively that I was drawn to boys, and then men as I got older, I didn't fully integrate those feelings until much later after college.

Glen's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Don Grady (Robbie Douglas on "My Three Sons")
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Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Julia

Julia, age 5

Caracas, Venezuela (1990)

That's me on the far right in this pic. The interesting part about this picture is that it shows a very different part of me: I was very feminine as a child. Today, as a grown woman, I am a complete butch! Go figure!

"A feminine butch? You go girl!"

As a child I was always secretly admiring women, especially my preschool teachers who were all very feminine. Since very little, I knew there was something exotic about women - their sweetness, their affection and, their hugs!

I used to play with Barbies a lot, pretending they were girlfriends. Sometimes I even made them kiss! This made me feel I was doing something 'wrong'.

At around the age of 16, I discovered Mariah Carey and became fascinated by her beauty and voice. Time went on with me thinking it was wrong to dream of girls. Then I kind of didn't want to wear feminine clothing, but I had no choice.

I can't say what specific time age I consciously knew I was gay, but I can say that at 24 years old, when I officially came out to my parents, I knew my life began again. And this time, without shame, and without the pressure of being feminine.

My message for gay kids around the world is: Queerness is freedom.

Julia's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Thalia, Mariah Carey, Ellen DeGeneres, & k.d. lang
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Dimitri

Dimitri, age 4
Tacoma, WA (1971)

From the earliest I can remember, I thought boys made more sense than girls. At this age, I remember running onto the lap of my favorite babysitter. He was a teen-aged boy, and he and his sisters watched us all the time. And, I kissed him.

He said, 'Dimitri, boys don’t kiss other boys.'
And I thought, 'Well, that’s dumb.'

“Ready for my close up!”

I was more even aware of my difference and my attraction to boys by 10 years old, and had my first boyfriend at 13. I remember sneaking out of the window and going to his house late at night after everyone was asleep!

He was from Mexico and spoke very little English, but we managed just fine.  :)

I always loved pretty things. I wanted to be creative in school and work with art. I would re-decorate my bedroom almost weekly, moving things around and changing the colors of the room depending on my blankets.


As I became a teenager, I was very much into the punk & new wave scene of the 80’s. I loved Boy George and Cyndi Lauper and often shaved the side of my head into diamonds and dyed the rest black. I still miss being able to play with my appearance like that!

As I look back on this picture, I thank God every day that I was raised by my mother who supported me, normalized my differences for me, and prepared me for the world that is STILL not ready for me. I came out at 12, went through my youth and puberty as a gay teen, and grew to manhood surrounded by the large gay community in Seattle.

Dimitri's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Sean Cassidy

He was my first love. I had a t-shirt with his face on it and wore it proudly through most of the 4th grade!
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Scott

Scott, age 5
Oldsmar, Florida (1964)

I grew up in Oldsmar, Florida where this pic was taken. As you can see, I was always a "show-off" and liked attention.

Unfortunately, I got teased and hassled through high school. Certainly not the type of attention I wanted, but I persisted and I survived.

I first started realizing I was different around 3rd grade, but did not formally "come-out" until my early 20’s.

Now, as I look at the picture, I understand why my mother told me she already knew, when I finally told her. I also realized that I had some fun growing up, despite the teasing.



I'm 51 now, and relatively successful, and my life is good.

So, my advice to those being teased, hazed, and hassled:
Hang in there, because all that negativity will end soon enough.

You will grow up, look back at the fun times with a smile, and look at the hard times with a feeling of pride and accomplishment - for those were the tests of your resolve to succeed.
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Miguel

Miguel Cane, age 1

Mexico City (1975)

This photo was taken at my first birthday party. If you look, you'll notice that even then, there is a certain "sadness" to me. This is what my friends often refer to as my 'Liv Ullmann face' - even that young.

"Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up"

This, of course, does not mean that I was always a sad child -- but most gay children grow up wounded one way or another, at least those of my generation and country did. But it's a fact that there are no pictures of me smiling.

However, I love this picture. Not only because it reveals the essence of who I am (these bouts of hope and simultaneous sorrow, the look in my eyes), but also because of the lovely clothes. I mean, what's not to love there? The frills, the flowers, the lovingly handmade suit. At least I was smartly dressed even then.


I probably had a notion of my being different, even at that age. My mother says she could tell from the moment I was able to walk. She says I was not girlish, but rather neutral and measured.

I know I was pretty well aware of the attraction to males when I was 5 and started to go to the movies alot. I was bowled over by what I saw on the screen, such as Cary Grant or Warren Beatty, especially in Splendor In The Grass, which was so revealing to me later on.

I was a film buff even as a little boy. I fell in love with the apartment sets in Rosemary's Baby, I cried my eyes out at the end of Breakfast At Tiffany's, wanted to be a Von Trapp kid, and adored the Pompeii Club where Shirl The Girl winds up in Sweet Charity. My grandfather fed me movies and gave me enormous support. He loved me just the way I was, and I like to think he knew exactly who I was when he died when I was 7.

Everybody else could tell, much to the frustration and chagrin of my father. We had an antagonistic relationship for many years, until I politely but firmly told him off, leading to a dètente between us. My Mom was often caught in the middle of the drill. She never took sides, but she was supportive.

I'm now in my mid 30's, I moved to Spain, and my mom and I get along fine. And oh yeah - I eventually became a Film Critic & Historian, to boot.

I live alone, and I don't mind. All my life I've looked for courageous, resourceful, warm, & funny men. Some that I've loved weren't that, but I have no regrets, and I don't see it as a waste. There's plenty of ways to have love in your life, and plenty more to give the love you have in yourself to others. You may not live happily ever after - there are no guarantees for that - but bear this in mind:

You can live hopefully ever after.

Miguel's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Cary Grant (in "Notorious")
The moment he kisses Ingrid Bergman and she ever-so-slightly rubs his earlobe, I felt dizzy and my knees gave way. Everything was illuminated for me

Steve

Steve, age 11

Mt. Vernon, Illinois (1979)

As a chubby gay kid growing up in the midwest, I learned how to perform - mostly because I couldn't run fast. In this picture I'm proudly displaying a cheerleading pose I'd recently learned at practice. Yes, I was a cheerleader for our grade school boys and girls basketball team.

"Ready? OK!  Roll call, sha-boom. Check, check sha-boom."

Not only was I a cheerleader, I was also the Captain of the squad - which was more of a popularity issue and less of a 'Can you do the splits?' issue. I couldn't do the splits, but I was freaking funny, and apparently that was enough.

I first knew I was attracted to men one summer at We Wo Se Je, a Christian based bible camp in the middle of the woods. I spent a whole week in a cabin with 8 other pre-teen boys and one very hunky counselor, who was all of 15 at the time. I remember faking like I was sick one night so I could sleep on the bottom bunk with him. Although all we did was sleep, it was shear heaven for me. Thank God for bible camp!

Sure, I was subjected to the usual barrage of name calling and such. However, I was lucky enough to grow up in a home where I was encouraged to be myself.
A rare treasure in the economically depressed hills of Southern Illinois.

Without the love of my mother, I would have never made it through this initial step of going against the norm. She went on to make it possible for me to bear the burden of starring in school plays, speech and acting team tournaments, dying my hair purple. And, wearing vintage pajamas adorned with costume jewelry to high school. 

When I look back on this picture now, I realize I was just on the precipice of the path to true self discovery. I'm still on that path, and it's taken many directions in the years that have passed. However, I keep embracing each day and strive to make it better than the day before.

Because, it does get better and it starts with yourself.

Steve's first, famous-person same sex crushes:
Tom Wopat & John Schneider ("The Dukes of Hazzard")
Love me some "Duke Boys"!
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