Chad

Chad, age 4

Kingston, TN (1981)

I knew I was different from a very young age. I had attractions to other boys, but thought something was wrong with me. Or the devil was making me think those thoughts. Being raised in a strong Southern Baptist family, I felt I was in constant sin, and kept the secret to myself. I prayed often to just take these thoughts away, because I knew I would disappoint my family if they knew I had them.

So, I pushed this part of me deep inside and tried my best to not let it out.

I had girlfriends through middle and high school, college, and into my adult life. They were great best friends, who I loved dearly.

But, I always felt I was lying to them. I never felt that connection everyone said you'd feel, when you met the right person for your life.


I was bullied and teased for my mannerisms and appearance throughout school. I took every opportunity to try and get out of my home, school and life. Some choices I made were good, like taking youth group, church, and band trips etc.

Other choices were not so good, like skipping school almost every day in junior high, resulting in me failing a grade level.

It was very difficult to come out, and I still have underlying issues with my family. I feel in time, we will come to a common ground. But, I am out to my family, friends, and at work.

I married the love of my life on August 5, 2009. My husband (who is Korean) and I live in Seoul, Korea where I'm a teacher for Department Of Defense schools on the military base here.

As a gay man working in a federal position, I still face issues with regulations, laws, and politics. But I am proud of who I have become, and grateful for the journey that has led me here.

I often think about how this boy from East Tennessee ended up in Korea, with such a wonder life and partner to share it with.

Chad's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Mark-Paul Gosselaar ("Saved By The Bell")

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Matt

Matt, age 7

Murfreesboro, TN (1994)

Although I was never really interested in girls, it wasn't until middle school that I realized I was gay. When I was in 6th grade, I saw Blink 182's music video for "What's My Age Again?" And in the video, the band runs all around town, naked.

It was at this point that I became intrigued by guys' bodies, and started to put the pieces together that I was gay.

I searched the internet long and hard, trying to find un-blurred pictures from that video. Alas, I was unsuccessful.

But I knew at the time, that I should be careful about what I was searching for. Because I didn't know how to clear internet search history at that point.

I admitted my homosexuality to myself early on, but I didn't completely come out until college.

Now I live out and openly, and couldn't be more happy with being honest about my sexuality.

As I look back at the picture of me with my hands on my cocked hip, my only wish is that I had come out sooner. The fears that I had at the time proved to be, for the most part, completely false.

For those struggling to come to terms with their sexuality I offer this:
Only you know when it is time to come out. But know that when you do,
you will be infinitely happier than when you were in the closet.
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Mike

Mike, age 6

Houston, Texas (1975)

I was born a biological female in 1969, but knew as young as age 4 that I was 'different.' I didn't have the vocabulary for it, but I just always knew I was a boy. I think the picture says a lot about how happy I was, when I got to be ME.

Back then, I was very sad.
I used to lay in bed at night, wishing I'd wake up and be a boy on the outside, too.

I wanted to grow up big and strong and have a wife and kids, but I didn't think that would ever happen.

I was lucky enough to have parents that allowed me some freedom to choose, when it came to my hair and my clothes.

I was very into superheroes, like Superman and Batman.


I think I really connected with feeling powerful, and being able to accomplish great feats. Perhaps because deep down, I knew someday I would embark on a journey that would test me to the core.

When I look at this picture now, it makes me smile. Even when I didn't realize it, I think I had great courage. I was bullied from about 7th to 11th grade - to the point of wanting to end it all. And I am so thankful I didn't!!

I transitioned to male in 1998, with the support of most of my friends and family, and I've had a FANTASTIC life. I have a beautiful wife and kids now, and I am living the life I dreamed about as a small child, but feared I would never have.

I would say to all the young people out there:
It really DOES get better.

You can choose how to live your life, and there are SO many people out there ready to help you!

Mike's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Farrah Fawcett

I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.
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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"
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Heather

Heather, age 1

Guam, USA (1986)

I never fit in with girls or boys growing up. I would be the girl in a pretty dress playing with bugs, or the girl playing house and convincing my friends that we could be wives. It was all innocent, but it felt right.

I first learned that openly admiring girls was "wrong" when I was 4, and saw an episode of "Beverly Hills 90210." It was a beach scene, with girls in bikinis.

Several times, I mentioned how pretty the girls were, and my aunt told my mom I was going to be gay. Oh, me and my mouth.

I'll never forget the looks I got at 11, when I swore if I were a boy, Rose from "The Titanic" would by my "honey." Oops.

My taste in ladies has since evolved to include the likes of Eva Mendes and Mila Kunis. My old flavor for rich ginger, bad 90's hair is best left to your imagination.

My awkward teen years saw me pretending to have boy crushes, and faking my love for N’SYNC. I mean, I admit that I liked Prince William, but I was all for becoming a princess. Thank goodness Kate Middleton beat me to the punch - but darn him for beating me to her!

As for the baby in this photo, she's now a successful, heel-wearing 25-year old "lipstick" lesbian. My parents, who disowned me when I came out 3 years ago, have missed out on a lot. But I wouldn't go back into the closet for ANYTHING. After all, how would all my shoes and purses fit, with me in there too?

Even if your story ends up like mine, I hope you have the courage and strength to carry on. You will find amazing things are waiting for you, if you hold on. Even if it's hard at first, it really does get better.

No one can help who they are. But we can help how we treat others.
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Tristan

Tristan, age 11

Hartford, VT (2001)

The picture was taken at my grandma's house. The girls surrounding me are my sisters. This picture is actually very important to me. It's the first picture of myself where I thought I looked good. I've never considered myself to be a good looking person, but I have always appreciated the way I look in this picture.

When I was younger I was very awkward. I was really into horror films, like "The Shining" and "Alien," and rock music like Nirvana and Soundgarden.
I talked weird, so I was always somewhat self-conscious about my voice.
I generally didn't speak to people very often, and would spend a lot of time alone.

I first realized that I was gay when I was in the 3rd grade. I was attracted to a lot of other boys growing up. But it wasn't until I was 9-years old that I even realized homosexuality existed.

When I was finally open about my sexuality, my family was happy for me.
My mom was a little startled, but she's happy for me today.

But, not everyone accepted me. A few friends were disgusted and avoided me. It hurt, but obviously they weren't going to be faithful to me as friends. If they cared about such superficial things, I eventually realized I was better off without them.

Everyone out there has a different story, and it has really hurt my soul to read about the terrible things a lot of you young people have gone through.

My advice is to learn to be happy with yourself. I know that for many of you,
it will be very hard to do. And I completely understand your fears.

I've been called "f*ggot" before and it always hurts. But you can't let those people discourage you from being happy. Try not to wonder about whether or not you are born this way, because that doesn't matter. Just do what makes you happy.

Self-confidence is an attractive thing.
And the best way to find love, is to love yourself first.

Tristan's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Ralph Macchio
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David & Dean

David, age 7

Dean, age 9

Sterling Heights, MI (1976)

Which two of these three brothers grew up to be gay? That's me David (left), with the hoop earrings. Even though it appears otherwise, my brother Dean (right) and I never knew the other was gay. Not until we were both adults who had moved out of the house. We weren't particularly close growing up, and are not as adults. So it was kind of a surprise to find out that we were both gay.

What I find most revealing about this pic is, despite the woman's clothes, there is already a consciousness on my part to "butch it up" for the camera.

By age 7,  I had already been told several times that I "write like a girl" and was asked on a few occasions whether I was "a boy or a girl".

These accusations and inquiries secretly bothered me.


It taught me early on that I needed to keep my feminine side in check. It's funny now that this thinking reveals itself, even dressed as a gypsy-girl for Halloween.

Ah, the innocence of youth.

Looking back, I definitely had same-sex attractions growing up, but I always rationalized them as "envy". I guess I certainly "envied" some hot looking guys.

Being gay was never a choice I made. Being gay was a growth of self knowledge, and an acceptance of the fact that I was "Born This Way".
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Joe

Joe, age 7

Oak Park, MI (1970)

This is me and my sister Lisa. I knew I was gay around the time of this picture. How could the person taking this picture not know that I was gay? For goodness sake, I'm posing like a proud little girl - and I love it!

I remember showering with other boys in Cub Scouts, and being intrigued and aroused by the other boys' bodies. I knew I was sexually different by 6th grade at a sleepover, when the boys took out Playboy magazines and talked about girls.
I remember thinking eventually they will also talk about boys, but they never did.

So, I kept quiet.

I was an effeminate boy, who liked to play house and lip sync to Cher songs.
I'd put my sister's black tights over my head, throwing back the legs like long hair, as if I were actually Cher singing "Half-Breed!"

My parents weren't OK with this. They'd shame me, make me take off the tights, and put the hair brush down. I felt terrible, knowing I wasn't like other boys.

Although I kept my sexuality quiet, other boys - and girls - could see that I was different, and I was bullied. I was name-called queer, sissy, and f*ggot constantly. I was spit at, pushed around, and punched regularly.

Unlike other gay boys, I told my parents. They came to the school and told the teachers and principles, but nothing changed. I became isolated and depressed at age 14, and my mother took me to therapy, which saved my life.

The therapist was open to hearing about my real thoughts, fantasies, and identity.
He taught me how to fight back those bullies with my words, and it worked.
It inspired me to become a therapist as an adult.

My message to gay kids now is:

If you hang in there, you will be able to make your own way. And not be at the mercy of the bullies, or anyone in your life who is not doing anything about it.

Be it a guidance counselor, teacher, or a trusted adult:
Tell someone what is happening to you, so you are not alone. There is help.
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Parker

Parker, age 5

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma (1994)

Nothing was more exhilarating than whirling and twirling in my mother's dresses. Here, I am wearing my favorite of hers. It was lightweight, covered in beautiful roses, and just sheer enough to feed my need to walk on the wild side.

How my mother was surprised when my infatuation with boys came out in the open, I haven't the slightest idea.

I think a lot of people that have struggled with being different wish their family would have walked them through the awkward glances, and the general lack of comfort that comes with growing up that way.

Even so, I could never blame my family for being just as confused as I was, at the time.

I remember feeling a little fancier than other boys my age.

My concerns, were different from their concerns:


Why would my cousin let her dolls have such ratty hair?
If I couldn't have a purse, where was I supposed to put my things?
Why didn't the Pink and the Red Power Rangers ever get together?

I mean, they were both hot. It made sense.

My VHS copy of "The Wizard of Oz" played a key role in my youth. The concept of some small town, decently pretty kid, being swept off to a far away land - only to be truly wanted, occasionally envied, befriended by eccentrics, and come home at the end of the day having learned all of life's lessons - was the most perfect scenario I'd ever heard of.

Pop culture was my first addiction, though. Late at night, in music videos, I'd catch glimpses of myself in people who seemed unimaginably confident and beautiful. That's all I've ever wanted to be.

Since those days of twirling and brushing doll hair, I've found my beauty and comfort in creativity. I'm a stylist at the most rock 'n roll hair salon in Oklahoma. I'm also a musician, I'm an artist, I'm still fancy, and I'm still learning.

I'm learning that it does get better. Exceptionally better.

Parker's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Fred Savage (in "The Wonder Years")

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Click here - "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Click here - "My First Gay Crush Blog"

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