Jimmy

Jimmy, age 5
New Haven, CT (1972)

This picture was taken at the beach house where my family spent our summers. The picture makes me happy and sad: I’m happy because I look happy in the picture. But I’m sad because I systematically destroyed that little boy in an effort to conform to what society expected and demanded of me.

"Jazz hands before I ever encountered the concept"

From my earliest memories, I ALWAYS knew there was something different about me. Everyone else knew, should have known, or denied knowing it.

I remember being very young and staying with my “Auntie Mame” and listening to Judy Garland albums. I got very mad when my sister went with my aunt to see Funny Girl and I didn’t get to go. I remember sitting at our kitchen table, looking up dance schools in the Yellow Pages and hoping someday I’d get to go. Instead, I endured playing Little League baseball.

I was the kid with very few friends, all mostly female. I was picked on by virtually everyone, but fortunately I was scrappy and freakishly strong when cornered.

Some TV obsessions as a kid included Wonder Woman, The Six Million Dollar Man, and The Bionic Woman. I also knew tons of "M*A*S*H" trivia and even won a radio contest. And I loved the KISS Alive II album. I mean, men wearing makeup? What’s not to like?

My message to gay kids and parents of different or potentially gay kids is:
Let them be different. You never know what you may be destroying when you suppress those differences.

Jimmy's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Gregory Harrison (in a TV Guide and on "Trapper John, MD")
Michael Ontkean & Harry Hamlin (in "Making Love")
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Jessica

Jessica, age 4

Chicago, IL (1991)

I first stumbled over this photo when I was in high school and deeply closeted. I remember giving a little gasp of surprise and hurriedly hiding it among my private things, trying to deflect as much attention away from suspicions about my sexuality as possible. Other times, I'd privately take the picture out and smile, thinking, 'Here's proof that my same-sex attraction preceded any adolescent trauma!' as was the accepted hypothesis at the time.

"Despite incriminating evidence suggesting otherwise, Christina turned
out to be completely straight and still a good friend and ally"

So this is a pic of me and my two cousins, and I'm the little one at the end.
It was most likely taken at an O'Hare Airport terminal, back when visitors were still allowed to accompany passengers boarding planes. It was apparent to everyone at the time how I always became extra silly and giggly when Christina came to visit - but it wasn't apparent to me for 10 more years that I was attracted to women.

I dutifully wore the pretty dresses my mother and grandmother bought for their little girl, but with the understanding that the fine stitching and ripped tights wouldn't deter me from climbing trees, wading through creeks, and doing headstands. In fact, my grandmother still tells the story of how, when scolded that I shouldn't be doing headstands in a dress because my underwear was showing, I neatly addressed that problem -  by taking my underwear off!

As an adult, I'm comfortable with myself and out to friends and family who admit that they 'sometimes wondered' or 'kinda thought I might end up that way'. In retrospect, I wish they'd brought it up with me back then, or introduced me to some gay role models. Or, made an effort to show me they were always as accepting and inclusive toward the gay community as they claim. That would have saved me about 5 years of shame and self-abuse.

Someday I hope to be a parent myself, and my children will always know that someday they may start to like boys or may start to like girls - or both, or neither - and whichever fate chooses for them, together we will celebrate it.

Jessica's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Julie Andrews (in "The Sound Of Music")

Enri

Enri, age 6

Valencia, Spain (1976)

This photo was taken on my birthday, and the dress I'm wearing was probably the last one I wore during my childhood. When I started to decide what clothes to wear, my mother just left me to wear anything I wanted. They also bought me cars and cowboys & Indians stuff, and I wanted to be Davey Crockett.

"I've always been a party girl"

One day, one of the teachers called my parents saying 'I had a problem' by always playing with boys' stuff. My mom replied that it probably was the teacher who had the problem. Well, we all have had gay adults, but we never even noticed it.

I grew as a tomboy, was good at soccer, and the kids always wanted to play with me, as I beat most of them.

I didn't come out too young, as to me there was no such thing as 'being a lesbian', and being a tomboy has nothing to do with being one thing or another.

But inside of me, I always was a lesbian. The curious thing is that when I came out and my family was puzzled, I asked them:

'Do you remember how I dressed and what I played with as a kid?
I've always been this way.'

And that's when they understood.

Henri's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Her female English teacher at Primary school

Scott

Scott, age 3
Oshkosh, Wisconsin (1965)

My mother sent me this photo about a year ago, and I still don't know why she chose this to send me. That's me on the left squatting, next to my brother Brad.

"Born a bottom? Well, duh!"

I knew I was gay in kindergarten.
I remember being out for recess, and playing jump-rope with the little girls. I distinctly remember watching the high school boys play basketball with their shirts off.

I felt like an outsider because of my femininity, and I disappeared into a fantasy world that I watched on TV. I wanted to be Keith Partridge and live in Hollywood.

Today I'm 48 and I live in Hollywood, and I AM kind of like Keith Partridge.

Many dark years were in between today and those times of daydreaming & watching the TV.


But I never lost sight of my dream and have never been happier in my life!

Scott's first, famous-person same sex crush:
David Cassidy (on "The Partridge Family")

He had such a swagger with those hip-hugger jeans and that long hair.
I still love guys with long hair!
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Chris

Chris, age 12

Albuquerque, New Mexico (1974)

I hated Little League. When this baseball pic was taken, I was being bullied by an older teammate for being a sissy and a fag. In hindsight, I wonder if he had a crush on me? The 2nd picture is something I wrote in my diary in February of 1974, before I knew I was gay. In it, I say:

  
'You know, sometimes I get worried, because I think that sex and religion kind of don’t mix. I love God, but I love, I think, Becky, too. I guess it’s because sometimes sex is evil, but right now, as far as I’ve gone, I don’t think Jesus minds. In fact, I think he’s pleased, I hope.

Have I grown any since I started?
Wait! Wizard of Oz started! I’ve got to go!!
-- Chris'

I'd been called a "fag" my whole life, but I didn't know what the word meant.
It never occurred to me that I would do anything but meet a girl, fall in love and get married, and that God would be pleased with me. It's obvious, reading the diary now, that subconsciously I sensed there was something else going on. And perhaps God would not be pleased with me at all. And that to some, "sex is evil."

I wrote the diary entry a year before the life-changing moment in 8th grade, when I was staring at my friend Tim in the class row in front of me. I had an erection, and I was thinking, 'Why do I have an erection looking at him? It doesn’t make any sense! Two penises don’t fit together!'

Then I made the horrible realization that would poison the rest of my teenage years: 'Oh, my God. That’s what a FAG is.'

I became surly and quiet, watching my own every move for any mannerism that might betray my homosexuality. For years, my cheeks would burn with embarrassment if I ever looked back on these journal pages.

I hated this gay boy. His girly script. His passion for Judy Garland and The Wizard of Oz. And his unabashed enthusiasm, which I came to see as effeminate.

But now, I love this boy so, so much.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back and hold him tight and tell him he was wonderful, good and brave - and to  not listen to anyone telling him otherwise.

Chris' first, famous-person same sex crush:

Larry Wilcox (on "CHiPs")

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Martin

Martin, age 12

Gloucester, UK (1961)

This was my official school photo from my first year at secondary school. As you can see, I was a fairly scruffy kid with no pretensions of diva - but the long eyelashes were probably a giveaway. I remember a classmate asking me if I dyed my hair, which probably sums up what I looked like back then: very dark hair and pale skin.

I suppose I knew from the age of about 3 that I was gay. I remember seeing a guy changing on the beach and I actually felt a rush of lust.

I'm the youngest of 4 kids, and learned early on that I was different and probably tried to hide my differences by becoming quiet and introverted.

I had very few friends, and those I did have were girls. Why didn't anyone put 2 + 2 together?!



Around the time of this photo, I discovered sex. I won't go into any lurid details, but needless to say at that age I was jailbait! I never got caught though. So, moving right along ...

My parents split up when I was 9, and I moved from Gloucester at 15 to live with my mother on the east coast of England. Then, I started pretending to be straight by having a girlfriend. We even got engaged to be married - but thank God I saw the light before that happened.

I moved to London at 21 and discovered a very healthy gay scene there.
I eventually moved to Madrid, Spain for love - which unfortunately didn't last, but living in Spain did. It was a good time to be in Spain: gay liberation was in the air, along with sexual liberation. I am now with my definitive version lover, and we are about to celebrate 10 happy years together.

My parents are both dead now and I never had the chance to tell my father who I am. But I did tell my mother, and she accepted it with her blessing. Me and my partner's familes all know about us, and we are just another couple within the family framework.

When you consider that in my youth homosexuality was illegal, it shows that self-acceptance and self-love is the key. Something inside me always told me that my feelings were natural and inborn. I really feel I have no regrets, and I'm now a well adjusted member of the human race.

And I'm as normal as the rest of us.

Martin's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

George Chakiris & Michael Callan

Eric

Eric, age 12

Lincoln, Illinois (1972)

I was raised on a pig farm. This picture was taken at my 12th birthday party, at a weenie roast we held in the corn crib. When I wasn't singing along to Jesus Christ Superstar, I was listening to Alice Cooper, Uriah Heep, and Frank Zappa.

"The queerest farm boy, ever"

For a farm boy, I was always a 'flashy dresser'. I wish you could see how cool that shirt is under the safari jacket.

My idol was Graham Kerr on "The Galloping Gourmet" TV show. I think for my class picture this year I had a neckerchief tied to the side.

At 12 I was already 6ft tall, so my innate flamboyance was hard to miss.

I felt like a complete alien, and 6 months after this photo was taken, I tried to kill myself. I failed, struggled through high school, and escaped to Chicago in 1979.

I met my current husband of 22 years in 1989, and in 1995 we adopted our daughter, who just turned 16.


I wish I could go back in time and whisper into this desperately unhappy boy's ear, to let him know how much love and joy he's going to experience in his life.

Eric's first, famous-person same sex crushes:

Race Bannon ("The Adventures of Jonny Quest")

Bill Bixby (on "The Courtship of Eddie’s Father")
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Vitor

Vitor, age 5

Curitiba, Brazil (1994)

"Victor, a very smiley boy..."

I was always smiling.

And I was a very restless boy, always wanting to play - with the girls, of course.

Some years later, I started doing gymnastics, but my father did not like the idea.

On Father's Day, I took my dad to watch a musical, but I think he would much prefer to watch a soccer match.

'Cuz my dad slept through the whole show! :(

Kyan

Kyan, age 4
Ripley, W. Virginia (1989)

As a child, I spent my earliest days with my sister helping to dress me in her or our mom's clothes. This was only interrupted by my love for Ninja Turtles, stuffed animals, and turning my bedroom into a store where I'd somehow convince my mom to pay me for things I found lying around the house.

"Who knew this rainbow would follow me for years to come?"

At the age I'm seen in the photos, I didn't realize that I was gay - although I imagine others around me suspected. It wasn't until late elementary school, around age 11, that I started to become aware.

As time went on, I had the Internet to help me make it through, connecting me with other gay men around the globe, and eventually the media provided me with great outlets to understand that life for a gay man could be great. And Queer As Folk became one of my favorite TV shows during high school.

Working through these feelings was far from easy, especially growing up in rural West Virginia - where the redneck and Republican to homosexual ratio is greatly skewed. I was also often reminded by my mother that gays would burn in hell. Fortunately, my mom has since become very supportive.

But I made it out alive and I'm living life to the fullest, with the same grin on my face I had in the photo.

Kyan's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Richard Dean Anderson ("MacGyver")
John Stamos ("Full House")

My attraction to John Stamos is one that has only grown stronger
_____________________________________________________
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Bek

Bek, age 4

Keith, SA, Australia (1987)

When Mum took us with her to the shops, the local butcher would always give us a slice of Fritz (South Australians will know what this is!). This time we were given a long sausage that hadn't been separated into standard size ones. My parents decided it would be funny to take a photo of each of us with the giant sausage, one of those things we tend to roll our eyes at now!

"Not impressed by the sausage"

But I was a happy kid and had a great upbringing. I have great memories of holidays we'd take every year. I was never very feminine, and didn't like wearing dresses. I was more of a tomboy and loved playing with Legos.

I started to notice my feelings for women near the end of high school. During university, I began getting crushes on women, watched a lot of Queer As Folk on TV, and in my 3rd year I discovered a community gay and lesbian radio station.

I began 'coming out' at age 21, after a friend of mine (who was also one of my flatmates then) figured it out. She jokingly said it was because I liked Kylie Minogue! Hardly a lesbian stereotype, but I was pretty amused by that.

Telling someone for the first time can be scary, but there's always a sense of relief when it's out in the open.

When you come out, you finally feel like you can be yourself. I value my individuality, and while difference is often feared by many, I think it is celebrated by the gay community.

And to the young kids out there questioning their sexuality, just be yourself and love who you are. If you have good people in your life they will love and accept you for you. It's great to be different, so embrace diversity!

Bek's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Gillian Minervini

("Beauty & The Beast" panelist and out & proud lesbian)

Carrie-Ann Moss (Trinity in "The Matrix")
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Jay

Jay, age 8

Los Angeles, California (1985)

Nearly 26 years later, I remember this trip clearly. Chris (far left) and Byron (in the middle, giving awesome face) were my closest friends that summer. We did a full theme park tour and hit Disneyland, Six Flags Magic Mountain, then made our way to Universal Studios.

We were SO excited to meet The Transformers in person. Jazz (a B-list robot if there ever was one) couldn't get my name right and pushed us along rather rudely. Don't meet your idols, kids! We also got inside of KITT from "Knight Rider" who allegedly took questions and answered them.

Being skeptics, we made up a song that we sang instead of asking a question, and pushed a bunch of buttons we weren't supposed to touch. KITT then went dark and they told everyone the car was down for repairs. Oops!

Then we saw the Conan The Barbarian live stage show. Beefy guys don't do anything for me, so I was there for the pyrotechnics and giant snake, naturally.

I don't know when exactly this picture was snapped, but it sums us it up perfectly: I was easily the gayest boy on the planet and genuinely not troubled by it. Yet.

Looking back, I see how carefree this boy with the come-hither eyes and fabulous Le Tigre sweater (plus obligatory jacket tied around the waist), really was.

I'm jealous of him, because of that. But I'm so proud of him, because he survived.

Jay's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Burt Ward (Robin on "Batman")

I can't recall which I saw first: the 'Super Friends' cartoon version, or actually Burt Ward in all of his tight-fitting glory!
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Penny

Penny (aka Pen), age 10

Rotorua, New Zealand (1984)

This photo was shot on Christmas day, with my new t-shirt on. This look was pretty much par for the course. I always hated wearing skirts and never wore pink. By the time I was 7 or 8 my mother accepted I would never wear another skirt, and she also let me cut my hair short for evermore.

“How you doin’?’

On the first day of winter at my primary school, the principal stood up in assembly and said: 'It's now winter weather, so the boys and Pen can now wear trousers'. I was also the only girl on the "boys" soccer team.

I guess I was always different.

Luckily, my family never made me feel odd. It was just taken for granted that I was a tomboy and there was nothing wrong with that. Growing up, my mother had lots of lesbian friends, so I had positive gay role models around me.

I knew I was attracted to girls right around age 10, and I had a huge crush on my cousin. So I decided when I was 13 that I must be bisexual.

Soon after I decided I had no interest in boys, so I must be a lesbian. I told my mum when I was 15 and she just said 'Yeah, I know'. The rest of the family pretty much reacted the same way. 

Looking at this picture now, I realize how lucky I was that I was always allowed to be myself as a kid and no one in my family or school ever said 'Hey, that’s not right'. I also think, 'Man I was a cocky little thing back then!'

Pen's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Nancy McKeon (Jo on "The Facts Of Life")

Partly, I think I wanted to be her. She was so cool

Brian

Brian, age 5

Columbus, OH (1972)

In this photo I'm engaging in one of my early childhood's favorite activities: dancing in my grandmother's high heels. I would sneak into her closet and emerge wearing my favorite pair - her black patent-leather pumps.

"Step, 2, 3, 4 - Turn, 2, 3, 4"

That's my little brother who I'm showing the ropes - and sharing those favorite shoes.

I don't recall this particular moment, but the script usually went like this:

'Hey, do it this way.
Step, 2, 3, 4 - turn, 2, 3, 4.'
(I was a little bossy. They called me the Mother Hen).

My mother informed me we were at my grandmother's house, and it's probably her holding the camera, encouraging us at every turn and laughing - much to my father's dismay.

In the next shot, my brother and I are smiling for the camera; my brother's grin fittingly shy, but I'm mugging like a Hollywood bigshot.

Soon came other distractions, like baseball (yeah!) and football (hated it!) and soccer (yaaawn), and Scouting (the organization AND the boys). But by 13,
I was refusing to play catch with my father and I quit the Boy Scouts after I heard an older, bracingly handsome Eagle Scout call someone a 'fag'.
That was that for me, and I wanted out.

I've always known that I'm solely attracted to men. Always. My earliest memory is of a good friend of my parents named Luke. Or, more accurately, his hairy forearms. An odd thing for a 5-year-old to recall, to be sure.

I'm the middle son of 3 boys. Surely my father (an Air Force enlistee) thought he'd hit the genealogical jackpot with my brothers and me. Just think of it: three chances to pass on the family name! Little did he know that none of us would grow up to produce any children.

Incidentally though, I'm the only gay child in the family.

I love this photo of me and my brother. It makes me laugh, and I was such a free spirit. I still am, thanks in large part to the love and support of the women in my life, notably my mother and my grandmother.

Brian's first, famous-person same sex crush:

Lance Kerwin (from "James At 15")

Lee Majors ("The Six-Million Dollar Man")
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Michael

Michael, age 4

Pittsburgh, PA (1961)

Here I am at Christmastime. Pictured with me is my first of many phonograph players and the beginning of a lifelong love of music, and the desire to play records to an audience. In this case, the family gathering for Christmas day. I'd like to say that I am well dressed because I had the fashion gene at that age - but that was actually my mom's doing. 

Although my family didn't always understand why I was not like most kids, they never stopped me from my interests and pursuits. That included buying lots of records, always wanting a better record player, and then a tape recorder/player. I never have DJ'd professionally, but when I was in my 40's, I started to do weddings, private parties, and a 5-year stint as the in-house DJ at a gay male resort in West Virginia.

I've been very lucky.

I have a family that has always been supportive of my differences in general, and as well as my sexual preference. 

Michael's first, famous-person same sex crush:
Burt Reynolds (in his Playgirl centerfold)